trapped-naked

8:37 PM: The Panicked Sprint

Well.

This happened.

I finally just escaped from my garage after being trapped inside of it for two hours, butt ass naked.

1 day, 8 hours, 19 minutes before The Panicked Sprint…

In preparation for an outdoor workout I was having with a friend this weekend, I leaned several weighted bars against the wall next to the door leading out to my garage. Total weight, 127 lbs.

1 day, 8 hours, 15 minutes before The Panicked Sprint…

I lugged several kettle bells up from my home gym and set them around the weighted bars. Total weight, 195 additional lbs. I left it all there, planning to load it up in the car the following day.

2 hours, 24 minutes before The Panicked Sprint…

I decided to air dry after my post workout shower. I usually air dry after I’ve had a good exfoliating full body scrub with the loofa. Don’t know why. Just feels like the right thing to do, I suppose. And it usually means walking around my house butt ass naked for a good 15-20 minutes, which I assure you, is not an undertaking to ever complain about.

2 hours, 17 minutes before The Panicked Sprint…

I made my way downstairs to the kitchen to grab a bag of PopChips to snack on. I lamented as I realized that I had eaten the last of the bags in my pantry. Then my heart leapt in excitement as I remembered the additional box of them I had stuck out in the garage a month or so before.

2 hours, 16 minutes, 31 seconds before The Panicked Sprint…

Still with plenty of me left covered in wetness, I put on a pair of flip flops and made my naked ass way out to the garage. The door slammed its way shut behind me.

2 hours, 16 minutes, 22 seconds before The Panicked Sprint…

As I began anxiously yanking at the tape on the PopChips box, I heard a sound coming from the other side of the wall that I immediately recognized. Scratches along paint, falling, clanging, clamoring, and more. I knew the weighted bars had all fallen.

2 hours, 16 minutes, 19 seconds before The Panicked Sprint…

I was annoyed because I’d have to go pick them all up again. I was also annoyed with myself because I had procrastinated loading them up in the car.

2 hours, 15 minutes, 44 seconds before The Panicked Sprint…

I was happy with all the happiness a heart can muster as I freed my bag of PopChips from the ungodly amount of packing tape sealing the box closed. I held it high in the air like a champion holding his enemy’s head. A war cry followed.

2 hours, 15 minutes, 14 seconds before The Panicked Sprint…

I turned the knob to go back into the house. And the door wouldn’t open.

2 hours, 15 minutes, 13 seconds before The Panicked Sprint…

I pushed a little harder. The door was stuck. Everything had fallen in such a way on the other side of it that I couldn’t even budge it open a crack.

2 hours, 15 minutes, 11 seconds before The Panicked Sprint…

My heart started racing. I looked down and the heavy reality sank in that I was butt ass naked, trapped in my garage.

2 hours, 15 minutes, 10 seconds before The Panicked Sprint…

I started pushing, and shoving, and heaving myself against the door. There was no give. At all. And so I panicked slightly more.

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Dan Pearce is an American-born author, app developer, photographer, and artist. This blog, Single Dad Laughing, is what he's most known for, with more than 1.4 million daily subscribers as of 2017. Pearce writes mostly humorous and introspective works, as well as his musings which span from fatherhood, to dating, to life, to the people and dynamics of society. Single Dad Laughing is much more than a blog. It's an incredible community of people just being real and awesome together!