dan-pearce-dating-profile-1

User name: SingleDadLaughing80

Relationship Status: Amazing enough to be divorced twice. Ahem. By the age of 30.

Age: Just a hair under 34. But maturity-wise, more like 22. Wisdom-wise, more like 176.

Have kids: Yes. And a damn cool one.

Wants kids: Whoo boy, that’s a loaded question.

Ethnicity: White/Caucasian. Also, 1/8th something dark with naturally big gorgeous muscles, most likely Polynesian. We’re not really sure who my great grandpa was.

Body type: athletic baby. In a kind of a Babe Ruth sort of way.

Oh wait. That comma makes a difference. “Athletic, baby.”

Height: 76”. That is also a test to see if you can do math.

Faith: I have faith in the fact that no matter how much I eat, I’ll always get hungry again eventually. Oh, and I’m agnostic.

Smoke: Well that’s a tough question. I smoke like one grape flavored cigarillo a year when I drink. If that. But the options on this site are “never” and “sometimes.” How about a new option, “one cigarillo a year, half of which I usually drop because I’m drinking and it breaks on the sidewalk.”

Drink: Let’s put it this way. Certain alcohol has beneficial antioxidants. And I like to fight cancer sometimes.

My Headline: I am not here looking for a hook-up. I have class, people! Unless you’re into that sort of thing.

Words that prove how vain or un-vain I am (my profile): Here’s the deal. I am almost really hot, but not quite really hot. I am almost somewhat famous, but not really somewhat famous at all. I am almost rich, but not really rich at all. I am dark. But only until my blonde roots start growing in. I also dye my beard. And my armpit hair is blonde, which is aaaawwwwkward at the swimming pool. For you. I don’t care. I am tall. I’m not almost tall. I didn’t cheat to get tall. That one is legit.

Hm. Not sure that paragraph sold you on me. Let’s try this.

I am sexy (according to my mom), adventurous (according to my best friend), successful (compared to a monkey riding a pig), and a damned good catch (compared to an old boot off the Santa Monica Pier).

Yeah. That should get the emails flowing.

In all seriousness though, I shall now do what so many people do on here, and tell you all the things that I don’t want in a girl, and that I hate, and that are deal breakers.

Starting with…

Oh, come on. Do I look like a negative-dwellig lame-o like all those other people?

Hm. I guess that was a little bit negative.

Let’s go for positive here.

I don’t have HIV.

Oh wait. That would be negative. Let’s try again.

dan-pearce-dating-profile-4

I LOVE FITNESS!

I LOVE WORKING OUT!

LOOK AT ME, STANDING ON MY HEAD ON A BALL!

I LOVE LOOKING IN THE MIRROR WHEN I’VE JUST HAD AN ARM DAY!

I AM SO STRONG I COULD PICK UP A HOUSE.

WITH AN ELEPHANT STANDING ON TOP OF IT!

Hm. Nope. Too positive. And too vain. And perhaps a little exaggerated. I see that now. I didn’t hear it while I wrote it, but I definitely see it when I read it.

Let’s try something in the middle.

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Dan Pearce is an American-born author, app developer, photographer, and artist. This blog, Single Dad Laughing, is what he's most known for, with more than 1.4 million daily subscribers as of 2017. Pearce writes mostly humorous and introspective works, as well as his musings which span from fatherhood, to dating, to life, to the people and dynamics of society. Single Dad Laughing is much more than a blog. It's an incredible community of people just being real and awesome together!