Last week I was at Harmon’s, a local grocery store. I think it’s important that I mention the name of the chain and the reason I love shopping there.
Harmon’s is very clean and tidy. It is classy. It is nice. I don’t feel a need to immediately sanitize when I leave for fear of catching some horrible disease like I do at so many other stores. It’s a little more expensive than, say, oh I don’t know, Walmart, but it’s worth it to me to not have to flirt with disgustingness and malady each time I enter.
Anyway, last week I was at Harmon’s. And everything was as it should be. In place. Clean. Orderly. Nice. I headed over to the produce section to get some bananas and avocados. The only two people shopping in produce were me and a man about my age who was much larger than I was.
I think it is important that I mention the size of this man. I am 6’4”. I am a big man. He was at least six foot eight. He probably weighed more than three hundred pounds and if he had a lick of fat on him, I was hard-pressed to find it. He hat a short bush of hair on his head which screamed military. If I were to compare him to anything, it would be King Kong, both because of his stature and because it would take a lot more than some measly little tranquilizers to bring him down.
This guy, who I shall affectionately call Kong, was over by the oranges. He was filling a bag by picking up one orange at a time, studying every side of it, and then nodding and grunting as he put each piece of fruit inside.
I carefully studied a bunch of bananas. After offering my own nod and grunt of approval to my fruit, I set them in my cart and proceeded toward the avocados. This meant passing the orange-scrutinizing Kong.
As I neared him with the cart, something on the orange he was currently holding caused him to yelp.
And I’m not talking about a manly angry yelp. I’m talking a yelp so high and little-girlish that it would have scared a full grown grandpa badger out of its hole.
At the same time he yelped, he dropped the orange he was holding back into the pile and just stood there staring at it with a look of terror and disgust on his face.