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Oranges

I stopped walking. My curiosity was definitely piqued. Had he seen a spider or maybe a centipede? Perhaps a moldy spot?

Kong looked at the orange he had just dropped and then down at the bag of oranges in his hand. Back to the orange he had dropped. Back to the bag of oranges in his hand.

As he did so, the look on his face worsened. You could see his stomach churning through his eyes which were slowly glossing over. He went slightly cross-eyed, and with his mouth open ever so slightly, he lifted the bag of oranges, set them down on top of the entire stack of oranges and walked away.

As he disappeared around the corner, I could make out gurgling sounds and groans. I never saw Kong again after that. I can only assume that whatever it was that had spooked him, spooked him right out of the store.

At this point, I think it’s important to mention that I myself don’t have the strongest stomach when it comes to gross and disgusting things. I didn’t know what he saw, but I knew it had to have come from the deepest pits of nastiness to spook a guy like Kong.

It’s probably also important to mention that I have a brain that cannot be okay not knowing things like that. Had I not gone to check it out right then, I would have stewed over it for hours. If I didn’t end up back there before I left the store, I probably would have made a special trip back later that day just to figure out what this guy had found so offensive.

And so, fighting two very different parts of my brain, I finally began wheeling my cart over toward the oranges. And that’s when I saw it.

Strung across the side of the orange Kong had dropped was a big…

Fat…

Green…

Bloody…

Once slimy…

Booger.

If you have been following for a while, you know what other people’s boogers do to me. They freak me out. They get my heart pumping. They paralyze me.

Instantly, my throat swelled shut.

My stomach began to gurgle.

I began fighting back the urge to puke right then and there.

Unable to continue, I grabbed the bunch of bananas out of my cart, set them next to Kong’s bag of oranges, and I exited the store before my lunch exited me.

Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing

PS. Comments please. Have you ever found something so awful? What would you have done? Do boogers affect you the way they affect me (and apparently Kong)?

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Dan Pearce is an American-born author, app developer, photographer, and artist. This blog, Single Dad Laughing, is what he’s most known for, with more than 2 million daily subscribers as of 2017. Pearce writes mostly humorous and introspective works, as well as his musings which span from fatherhood, to dating, to life, to the people and dynamics of society. Single Dad Laughing is much more than a blog. It’s an incredible community of people just being real and awesome together!