monday-ramblingsOkay, that part was made up. Barely. But not the third dessert part. You see… you can order anything you want and as much of it as you want. Does the menu have three entrees that you’d like to try? Order all of ‘em! No problem. Does the menu have five desserts that you’d love to cram down your gullet? No worries here my friends, there are no limits.

No limits at all.

I heard that soon they will start bringing in cows on leashes and you can just pick your cow, they push the cow over onto your plate, knock it dead, and you’ll just go to town.

Okay, that’s gross, but a good visual for the feasting mentality on cruise ships.

Well, almost. After you finish your cow, open wide and I’ll pour a metal drum of melted chocolate down your throat. That’ll top things off nicely.

Haha. Cruises. Food.

Fat. People. Everywhere.

I don’t care if you weren’t fat when you got on the cruise ship. You’ll be fat when you get off. It’s the one guarantee a cruise line can make.

All sarcasm aside, there is another side to all of it. Each ship has thousands and thousands and thousands of passengers. Almost every one of those thousands of passengers is gluttonizing. And with such delightful gluttony comes a lot of wasted food. I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if the cruise line throws away half a million dollars worth of food on each voyage that got served but didn’t get eaten because WE ALL JUST HAD TO TRY THREE OF EVERYTHING!

My great grandpa, who probably sailed to America eating nothing but rat tails, would be rolling in his grave.

Oh wait. No. It’s us that rolled. Right off the ship.

Enough about food. What else is weird on cruise ships?

How about the frequency with which you see people you really don’t care to see again? And how you have to pretend like you’re best friends because… you’re stuck on a boat together. It’s like an RV camp on the open sea.

We were on our way to dinner from our staterooms one night early-on in the cruise, and a nice old couple came out of their room just as we were passing. They eagerly stopped us (and our children) in the hall and so kindly demanded that we take the three trays of chocolate goodness that the cruise brought them for being “preferred cruisers.” We were like, “OKAY! YAY! That cow we just ate wasn’t quite enough!”

Previous articleThis is Beautiful You
Next articleMy Quarterly Confession Session
Dan Pearce is an American-born author, app developer, photographer, and artist. This blog, Single Dad Laughing, is what he's most known for, with more than 2 million daily subscribers as of 2017. Pearce writes mostly humorous and introspective works, as well as his musings which span from fatherhood, to dating, to life, to the people and dynamics of society. Single Dad Laughing is much more than a blog. It's an incredible community of people just being real and awesome together!