At that point, I would have happily given up my birthright for a bowl of do-over porridge.
I would have sold my left leg for a morsel of try-again toast.
I would have dressed in drag and went to a little girl’s tea party for a cup of one-more-time tea.
That last analogy was weird. Sorry about that. But I stand by the first two.
And as I sat in an IHOP, watching two boys dump endless salt and Tabasco into their hot chocolate, and watching Lilly look at me with desperation that usually only exists in times of war, and watching other patrons start praying for us (and our four giant suit cases, and our four carry-ons, and our despondency for the entire trip) to depart their blissful morning routines… I had a genius idea.
Let’s just find a super cheap motel, check-in, take a quick nap, and then head to the ship once we’ve rested.
Surely it couldn’t be more than thirty bucks. Forty tops. Lilly and I debated exactly not-at-all about it, and agreed that we were indeed willing to pay forty dollars for a group nap at this point.
The good news was, there were lots of motels right around where we were staying.
The bad news was… the cheapest one was $72.16, and the people on the phone weren’t budging on that price.
And we were just desperate enough and just hateful of life enough that we paid the asking price, we checked into the sleaziest, most rank, disgusting motel room that Fort Lauderdale had to offer us, and we took a nap.
Yes, I think there was a chain smoker hiding in the closet, puffing away furiously as we slept. Yes, I literally saw at least two things scurry across the floor in the darkness of the room. Yes, I felt certain that all four of us needed STD testing when we left. And yes, there is no possible way that any place like that should ever cost almost a hundred bucks.
But… in all fairness, it wasn’t the motel owners or manager that made the bad choices we did. It was us. We did that. And we paid for it all the way to the cruise ship.
Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing