- That our new house didn’t get Caillou on the TV.
- I told my child that the little triangle button on the dash, that controls the Flasher lights is actually an ejection seat activator.
- My son wanted to know how I knew EVERYTHING he got into… I told him all moms have eyes in the backs of their heads (which is why women have longer hair than men, so no one sees the eyes). I had to come clean when we were at the playground one day and girls were running away screaming because he told them they would need longer hair when they got older to cover their extra eyeballs…
- I told mine that they could control traffic lights by the way they “held” their tongue (upside down, sideways, etc.) and that if we hit a red light it was “because you’re holding your tongue wrong”. I giggled for years watching them stare intently at traffic lights moving their tongues around to get them “just right”. When a light turned green, my youngest would yell, “I DID THAT!” She’s now 23. Still cracks me up.
- “Parents need to call the tooth fairy to let her know to come. You get the phone number right after your first child is born. That’s why you have to tell me when you put a lost tooth under your pillow.”
- I pretended to call a farm for whining kids and threatened to send my daughter there if she didn’t stop her whining.
- When my kids found my vibrator in my drawer, I told them it was a neck massager.
- My brother had a finger removed when he was younger due to a bone degenerative disease. When my son and my sisters son were old enough they asked uncle Mike where his finger was. He said that he hadn’t been listening to mom and was playing with knives. Both boys thought he meant gramma had cut off his finger for being bad so when she came home that night they both burst into tears and ran from her. To this day they are leery when she’s cutting food.
OMG. TOOOOOO funny! And don’t worry awesome parents. Your secrets are safe with me. LOL.
Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing
PS. If you find yourself reading this and wanting to loudly declare things like, “I NEVER LIE TO MY CHILDREN!” or “NO GOOD PARENT WOULD EVER DO THAT!” or “YOU ALL ARE HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE, PEOPLE! I HOPE YOU ALL CHOKE ON YOUR OWN DIRTY UNDERWEAR!” Just do us all a favor and bite that tongue of yours. We don’t want to hear it!