Here I am. 34. And I still don’t have a girlfriend.
What could I be doing wrong?
And knowing that, I went back to Instagram, my favorite place to learn how to be an awesome person, to do a search for my favorite inspirational tag:
I mean… why not take tips from the best of the #BEST? I’m going to do ALL these things so that I, too, can have an awesome girlfriend calling me the best boyfriend ever.
Here they are. 30 tips and tricks.
1. Remind her that your time is limited.
2. Be rich. That always works.
3. Apparently making her "generally happy" is enough to make anyone the #BestBoyfriendEver.
5. Just… Be the most ridiculously cute couple ever.
8. Take a picture of the most awkward kiss ever. Hey, 1,120 likes. Maybe I’ve been doing it wrong all these years.
9. Take a picture of the most awkward hand-holding ever. Only 8 likes. Hm. Yeah, I’ve been doing things all wrong.
10. Drugs are always the quickest way to her heart.
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