dan-pearceI am Dan Pearce.

I don’t need help.

I am solid. I have my life under control. I have a beautiful mind. I am with it. I am good enough. I am strong enough. I am successful. I am awesome.

I am Dan fucking Pearce.

Or so I thought…

“Are you kidding me right now?”

That’s precisely when I knew I wasn’t Dan fucking Pearce at all. I knew it when I heard those words come baffled and indignant out of my sister-in-law’s mouth, aimed at me.

For quite some time now, I have been forgetting such random things. I’ve been forgetting big and important things that people tell me. Important stories from people’s pasts. And so many little things, too… People’s names. Sometimes even the fact that I met them at all.

Until that point, I was able to brush every forgetful moment away and blame it on a stressed mind. I was able to pin it on working too much, or being spread to thin.

But those words cut deep. “Are you kidding me right now?”

I looked over at my girlfriend. I saw this look in her eyes that said the same thing. Are you kidding me right now?

Nobody forgets something like what I had just forgotten. Nobody forgets something like that.

Nobody forgets if their own brother has been married before.

But I did.

I literally could not remember if he had married his previous girlfriend before he had married this woman, his now current and awesome wife.

He was married for like five years the first time around. I was at the wedding. I was a groomsman for crying out loud.

Nobody forgets something like that.

But I did.

And that is when I admittedly got scared. I couldn’t simply toss that one into the all-encompasing waste basket of “stress done caused it.”

I did try to bury it though. I tried to push it out. I tried to find an excuse for it. Everything I tried was hollow and vain.

Humaning is hard.

My girlfriend tried so hard to cover up her concern. I saw right through it. I asked her later if that scared her. She admitted that it did. I could not blame her.

Humaning is hard.

My sister-in-law told me that she was going to forget I ever asked that. “I definitely am not going to tell your brother you said that.” She walked away. I could not blame her.

Humaning is hard.

That night I sat in front of a computer screen for two hours with an empty Google search box in front of me. I needed to type the words. Those words. The words which admitted I had a problem bigger than myself. The words which I could not bring myself to type. The words which would start me down the path of figuring out and knowing what had just happened.

I never typed any words at all. Eventually I just shut the lid on my computer and went to bed. Maybe sleep would help me forget about it.

Humaning is hard.

I didn’t wake up with any new answers. I hadn’t forgotten it when I woke up, either.

I remember standing at my kitchen sink thinking about it the next day.

Nobody forgets something like that.

I thought back to not just my last therapist, but to the therapist I had before her as well. They both had told me they thought I should get on ADD medication.

I scoffed at the idea every time it was brought up.

I was Dan fucking Pearce. Dan Pearce doesn’t need drugs to make his mind be normal. He doesn’t need drugs to think straight. He doesn’t need drugs to concentrate. He’s not going to mess with this beautiful mind that his mind is.

Humaning is hard.

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Dan Pearce is an American-born author, app developer, photographer, and artist. This blog, Single Dad Laughing, is what he's most known for, with more than 1.4 million daily subscribers as of 2017. Pearce writes mostly humorous and introspective works, as well as his musings which span from fatherhood, to dating, to life, to the people and dynamics of society. Single Dad Laughing is much more than a blog. It's an incredible community of people just being real and awesome together!