Yesterday I had a valid question. How quickly do I need to eat meat after it has been opened? So, I went where else but to Google to find my answer.

I never got to the answer though. Instead, Google told me what I should be looking for…

FIRST SEARCH

What cracks me up is that these auto-complete search terms are based on the most popular searches using the words I type in. I mean, come on. Do you really need to ask Google how often you need to change a poopy diaper? Do you really think Google knows how fast you need to run? Seems we could stand to do a little more thinking on our own, BEFORE we Google for an answer.

Anyhow, that whole thing just got me sucked in to finding funny Google auto-completes, and responding to them with a few questions of my own.

Let’s start with that one again…

FIRST SEARCH

MY QUESTIONS:
How quickly would you want someone to change YOUR poopy diaper if it was out of your control?
How quickly is the bear behind you running?

 

funny-google-auto-completes-01

MY QUESTIONS:
Why don’t you just ask them if they are married?
How close were you if you don’t know how dead they are?
If you know the person, why do you need to meet them on Tinder?

 

funny-google-auto-completes-02

MY QUESTIONS:
Do you really care if Vampires poop? Like, really really?
And is the number one question about vampires really whether or not they exist? Wow. Come on, people. We’re better than that.

 

funny-google-auto-completes-03

MY QUESTIONS:
Do you think if it was illegal that anyone would do it? Marijuana is illegal and… Oh.
If you knew your girl was sending booby pics to some hotty at work, would you call that cheating? Of course you would. Keep it in your pants.
I live in Utah. Does anyone know? I don’t want my next sexting selfies to be to my cellmate.

 

funny-google-auto-completes-04

MY QUESTIONS:
Do you really think Google has the answer for whether your stalker will start up again? That’s a special crazy just for you.
Do you really think that it’s just as important to know the frequency your stalker washes his hands as it is to know if you’re about to be dead?

 

funny-google-auto-completes-05

MY QUESTIONS:
After seeing these search terms, does anyone want a best friend at all? I sure don’t. Nothin’ but trouble those besties.

 

funny-google-auto-completes-06

MY QUESTIONS:
Have you ever heard your “best friend” use the term “best friend” about you? I’m guessing not.

 

funny-google-auto-completes-07

MY QUESTIONS:
Huh?

 

funny-google-auto-completes-08

MY QUESTIONS:
Are you asking about cheating because you want to protect the label of happy or because you want to protect the label of “couple?”

 

funny-google-auto-completes-09

MY QUESTIONS:
Are you really asking google for the biggest truth that nobody on Earth has ever known for sure?
And, is Spider Man’s father really more important to you than the truth about heaven and hell?
And do you really want to know the truth about KFC chicken? It may be an answer you can never unknow.

 

funny-google-auto-completes-10

MY QUESTIONS:
How would you feel if I call BS on your six-leaf clover?
How do you know the kitten is six-weeks old? That’s kind of weird.
Your six-hour away sunlight is poetic, but why were you typing that crap into Google?

 

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Dan Pearce is an American-born author, app developer, photographer, and artist. This blog, Single Dad Laughing, is what he's most known for, with more than 1.4 million daily subscribers as of 2017. Pearce writes mostly humorous and introspective works, as well as his musings which span from fatherhood, to dating, to life, to the people and dynamics of society. Single Dad Laughing is much more than a blog. It's an incredible community of people just being real and awesome together!