What do you do when you feel love, hate, anger, and compassion, all toward the same person and all at the same time?
What do you do when your heart hurts so much that you want to just disappear from existence until there is no heart left inside of you to feel anything anymore.
How is it possible to know you will never be right with someone, yet want it to work so badly anyway?
How do you decipher between simultaneous feelings of deep loss, feelings of freedom, feelings of worthlessness, and feelings of finding yourself once more?
How do you decode the things being said at the relationship’s demise as either sincere or maybe just reactionary to the place of hurt from whence they came?
What do you do when you feel the sting of failure at the same time that you feel the sting of relief?
What do you do when you feel lost at the same time that you feel you have found yourself once more?
What do you do when you want to shout out amazing and incredible and kind things at the same time you want to unleash hurtful and vicious and mean things?
How do you handle it when you truly feel like you gave everything you had yet you feel like you somehow could have given more?
Why does the hurt both feel like the beginning and the end?
Why do the words of people you barely know or don’t know at all feel so hollow at the same time that they are so comforting?
How is it possible to cry, and laugh, and repeatedly feel the extremes that lead to both?
How many tears is it possible to cry? And why do you somehow not want them to dry up?
What do you do when you find yourself alone and the feeling is both heavy and light?
How do you feel like you didn’t see it coming, yet feel like you knew it was inevitable?
How do you walk away with your head held high from something that feels like it is dragging you under?
And how do you keep your head and your heart low so that you don’t get hit again?
Goodness. Me. How is it possible to feel so much all at once?
How is it possible?
And how do you survive it?
I don’t know. But I know a hot bath couldn’t hurt.
Dan Pearce, Single (again) Dad Laughing
PS. My girlfriend and I just broke up a few hours ago. I don’t know what else to do or where to turn than to write what I’m feeling right now. Thanks for being nice about it. See you on the other side of whatever my heart hamburger is at the moment.