It’s Friday. We still have a whole Friday after this before the big holiday arrives. I hope everyone has amazing plans tonight that don’t involve elbowing people out of the way in checkout lines and cursing out old people taking a long time on the crosswalk at the mall.
I had five amazingly hilarious moments this week, and one crazy heart-pounding moment…
1) So… I went outside to bring the trashcan in, and the mail carrier was over at the mailboxes sniffing packages. She looked over and saw me and quickly shoved the package into the mailbox. I have never had such awkward eye contact in my life. PS. Please don’t sniff other people’s packages, lady. It’s weird.
2) I went for a 2 mile leg-shred run to relieve my stress from the week. This involved running, sprinting, plyometrics, calf raises, hip dips, squats, side shuffles, waking lunges, basketball shots, and more. I kind of invented it as I went since I recently lost access to my personal trainer. I did my squats on top of every cement tower I came across on the run, and when I was on the tallest of all of them, an old man shuffle-jogged by and stopped in front of me. At this point, I was happy and beat and done and I was huffing and puffing and in general just a smiling miserable mess. He watched me for a moment (that wasn’t awkward at all) and when I stopped (because who keeps doing squats when someone stops to watch?) he yelled up to me, “gettin’ ready for the bathroom olympics up there?” I told him, “you betcha,” He chuckled and ran off.
3) I was at the grocery store late last night to buy stocking stuffers for my kiddo. As I stood there wondering why I was buying fifty bucks worth of candy that I was only going to let him eat the tiniest part of, it kind of hit me that this Christmas was just going to be Noah and me. That made me happy and sad at the same time (but not sappy at all, so don’t make that portmanteau word). I just kind of leaned against a post for a minute to let the feelings pass over me when a night stocker entered the aisle. He looked at me and said, “Christmas is supposed to be fun, man.” Then, and I kid you not, he started humming “All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth” as he did a little elbow dance in front of me. It made my whole night.
4) After I told Noah about our breakup, he was heartbroken and burst into tears (my heart broke ten times more in that moment). Suddenly, he halted mid-sob, reached forward, punched me in the shoulder, laughed, and said, “SLUG BUG BLUE! Dad, you never get the Slug Bugs before me!”