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- My husband was driving. We had hit a drive thru because he was hungry. We got into an argument, and he called me a c***. I saw red. I wanted to hit him, but we were on the interstate, and I didn’t want to die, so I punched his food. Like 4 times. I beat the crap out of his burger and fries. (For the record, I’ve never hit him, and he’s never called me that again).
- While I was pregnant and working customer service, a very large and in charge woman began yelling at me and stuck her finger in my face. I launched forward at her to bite her finger. My boss intercepted. I continued making chomping noises as I was ushered away. Not my proudest moment.
- My kids were bickering in the back seat of the car and I was at my limit with it. I was about to start yelling and I thought I might yell a whole lot. And I have no idea why but I started clucking like a chicken. They stopped for a moment and went back to bickering so I started clucking the theme to Starwars. And then I rolled down their windows and clucked the theme even louder and drove next to the sidewalk. They ducked down low and hid. Such stress relief. Now if we are in a store and bickering I only have to cluck one time and the fear of me clucking an entire song stops them in their tracks.
- My ex boyfriend had a thing for playboy magazine. I’m talking, he was a freakin collector!! Being younger and not as open minded about things, the nudity really offended me, especially the playboy calendar that hung on our fridge!! Every time I’d go to grab some food, I had a set of hooters staring me in the face! One day after a heated fight, I decided I’d had enough, especially with the calendar! So I grabbed my construction paper, glue and scissors and made paper clothes for every single naked picture I found. I was even thoughtful enough to dress them according to the seasons, miss December even had earmuffs and a scarf. Needless to say he was pretty pissed when he saw this… Especially since I used crazy glue to attach the clothes.
- I put glitter into the air intake of my ex’s car in the winter. When he turned on the heat, it looked like a disco room.
- I bought a 5 lb. bag of laxative gummy bears off Amazon and left them on the bosses break room table.
- My ex and I broke up after I found out he was cheating with strippers, so I faxed a picture of him to all the major strip clubs in the area along with a list of “ailments” he suffered from, ensuring that no one would want to touch him again! (Evil laugh) #sorrynotsorry
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