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- My wife and I were in the middle of a big argument at the food court at the mall. So angry and frustrated I had no comeback for her last rant at me…. So at the top of my lungs in the middle of the food court with hundreds of people standing around I blurted out the first thing that came to my mind and screamed;.. “Yeah, well I faked every orgasm!!!!”…. Yeah. It got kinda quiet.
- I put honey on my fingers, grubbed up the DVD, and then licked it off. Yep…that happened. All due to an argument with my (ex)husband who had extreme OCD and told me I had to wash my (clean) hands prior to putting the DVD in the player. And when I refused the argument escalated and this was the result…because I’m an adult.
- I was pregnant with twins and decided to try and make my husband a red velvet cake, one of his favorite’s. I got the recipe from a friend but didn’t realize it was a red velvet pound cake recipe…takes a ton of eggs and butter and just not the same. All my poor hubby did was taste it and ask was I sure I did it right, it tasted different. I burst into hormonal pregnancy tears and shoved the whole cake down the garbage disposal while announcing that I’d never make his ungrateful ass anything to eat ever again.
- I glued the windshield wipers to a jerk’s windshield… I’m pretty sure the statute of limitations has expired.
- My husband and I went to bed after a heated, unresolved fight. I naturally toss and turn before going to sleep and my husband yelled at me to stop kicking him. It turned into another argument since we were both still pretty heated from the original fight. I never kicked him and was mad that he was yelling at me for something I didn’t do, he thought I was trying to kick him while I was tossing and turning which pissed him off because we never have any sort of physical fight. After blowing up at me about it, I turned to face him and yelled I’M (kick) NOT (kick) KICKING (kick) YOU! (kick kick) I stared stone faced and shocked at him for what I had just done before we both burst out laughing. 13 years later we still say “I’m not kicking you” whenever we have been wrongly accused of something by the other.
- When my son was a newborn he had colic and I also had a 5 and 3 year old to take care of. I was freaking tired!! My husband walked in the door while i was breastfeeding my son and asked when dinner was. In my hormonal extremely sleep deprived state of mind I unlatched my son and shot my husband in the face with breastmilk and said “your dinner is served!!”
- Last weekend I threw my Christmas tree out the front door because I couldn’t get the lights to work. Does that count?
I friggin’ love you guys. Even the nutters.
Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing
PS. Especially the nutters.