I refused to cut you out completely, though. At that point, I still held onto our friendship as best I could. I kept a lot of distance between us, yes. But I still kept you around. You can’t ever tell me I didn’t.
You see. I love you, Peter. I have always loved you. You have always been a person with value. At your best, and at your worst. Nothing you ever do or say will change that. Your size did not make you more or less valuable. Your low self-esteem did not make you more or less valuable. I am not finally cutting you out because you are not valuable. You need to know that. I am cutting you out because you are a hindrance to my happiness. Knowing you, and keeping you in my life, does not benefit my life. It only benefits yours.
I am going to be blunt and honest now. You are still the same person you were the day I tipped the scales at 350 lbs. You are still the same miserable, negative, hurting person that you were then. You have not changed. You have only gotten louder about it in attempt to regain my attention.
The further away I get from you, the louder and more obnoxious you seem to be whenever I let you back in.
Cutting you out today is the hardest thing I have ever done. But it is necessary. For my happiness. For my child’s happiness. And for my future. A future which will be wonderful and incredible and full of only the people I love who will keep the negativity and hurtful voices out.
Ugh. This is not what I intended. I did not intend for this to be a letter directly to you, my old friend. I intended for this to be a discussion with my readers about our friendship. But see, you haunt me still. I love you still. At the same time I love you, I hate you. And for this, I will not make it any harder than it has to be…
We are done. You are no longer a part of my life. And though you don’t want to hear it, I will spend the rest of my life trying to forget that we were ever such good friends at all. To do so is to let your negative voice fill my head once more. And I just can’t do that any longer.
If you reply, I will not read it. I will not listen. If you promise me change, I will not believe it. I have a lifetime of such empty promises of change from you. I can’t take even one more empty promise.
It is better this way. Maybe not for you. But for me.
You are the final person in my life from whom I need to free myself. Putting you into my rearview mirror is a major piece of my bigger happiness puzzle.
Goodbye, old friend.
You are a friend no longer worth knowing.
I’m doing this for me.
Yes, for me…
And I’m at peace with that.
Oh, and did I mention who Peter actually was?
Peter was me.
Or at least he was a part of me. And that part of me really is a friend no longer worth knowing.
Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing