It was a first kiss from the movies, I tell you.
And I’m talking more of the National Lampoon’s variety. Not some Nicholas Spark film.
It happened exactly one year ago. And by exactly, I mean anywhere from 9 months to 15 months ago. I have no idea. I just know that I’ve been waiting to write about it until enough time had passed that this girl has to have long stopped caring about me or my blog because I don’t want her to think it was a, ummm… I don’t know… bad experience for me?
And it wasn’t a bad experience. At all. It was a fantastic experience because it has given me a funny story to tell for life, even if in the moment I nearly cried from trying not to choke on the awkwardness of it.
She was a cute little thang. Picture a cross between Demi Moore and Miley Cyrus. Weird cross, I know, but that’s what she was. Of course, my only comparison is that Moore and Cyrus are both women, one of whom terrifies me, one of whom doesn’t as much. Other than that, I suppose there was very little to compare. In fact, she probably looked nothing like either one of them.
We were on a second date. I invited her over for dinner at my place, which you single people know is code for, I invited her over to make-out.
I mean… I invited her over to my place for dinner. Period. There was absolutely nothing else on my mind that night. Innocent as can be here.
Dinner was great. I whipped up some amazing shrimp scampi. We dined. We laughed. We got along fantastically. We cleaned up. We moved to the couch to… umm… talk…
And then it happened.
But first, before I tell you about our epic “first kiss,” let me tell you what I saw sitting in front of me both before and after.
BEFORE: I saw an incredibly beautiful woman. I saw soft skin and beautiful curves. I saw a mind that was so engaging and fascinating to get lost in. I saw eyes that could easily draw you into their eternally satisfying gaze. I saw lips that I wanted to feel pressed against mine. I saw hair that I wanted to run my fingers through to feel its silky magnificence. I saw a person that I had become so enthralled with and knew that I would most likely want to see again, and again, and again.
AFTER: I saw the devil. Mixed with a feral cat. Mixed with the deep and unmistakable desire to run away as fast as my fear could push me.
But where were we? Ah, yes. We moved to the couch to… umm… talk…
We edged slightly closer to one another as we talked.
Soon our legs were touching.
And our hands.
We were staring at each other’s mouths.
That’s the sign, you know. The sign that you’re both done talking.
I went in for the kiss because society says that’s the man’s job.
And before I got there…
And this is true…