Five years ago today, a much blonder, spikey-haired, far more lanky, less bearded, sadder, overly confused, trapped man sat down at his computer and said, “Dum, dee, dee. I’m gonna start a blog.” My then-wife had taken off days before, leaving me in a plume of tire smoke and bad memories. At the age of 30, divorce #2 was officially on the way. I was trapped in a giant house I couldn’t afford. I had little idea of who I actually was. And, if I’m being honest, it took everything I had not to turn into a melted bowlful of emotional ice cream gooby-soup.
I had always loved writing. I wrote a complete medical thriller novel by the age of 21. I wonder if it was any good. I should go diggin’ in my storage boxes and see if I can find the now probably rat-nibbled manuscript. It was called “Multiple Personalities,” and was a non-stop thrill ride for one very quirky neurosurgeon whose machine for rapid-implanting of basic knowledge and vocabulary back into brain-injured patients was stolen. YIKES, RIGHT? Oh, it gets crazier, I assure you. The machine then was used by an evil politician to insert new personalities into the minds of prominent members of society, all at the delightful and sadist whim of one of the world’s most pompous Newmanesque billionaires. The book wouldn’t have been complete without a dunce of an uber-attractive assistant to save the day and muck things up with her own desperation to be loved. The assistant looked just like Halle Barry. Coincidence, being that Berry was my biggest celebrity crush, and the woman who I considered to be the hottest woman on the planet circa 2001? I think not. Anyway… that was my book.
And, years later, and two marriages later, and one kid later… I started a blog.
What was I thinking?
Oh, that’s right. I thought it was just going to be some other dumb blog that would disappear into the graveyard of blogging bones. Some estimate that there are more than 300 million blogs, you know. Most of them have a few posts only. After that bloggers do what they are supposed to do. They get on with life and forget that they ever started a blog at all. That’s what this blog was supposed to be. That’s what I was supposed to do.
DAY ONE: Setup the blog.
Let’s see… Name for this blog… Something awesome… Something amazing…
That’s the sound of a lightbulb going off.
I kid. There was no lightbulb. I put almost zero thought into it and called this blog, get this… “The Adventures of Dan and Noah.” Real original, I know. I bet 24% of all dead 3-post blogs started out with the title “The Adventures of…”
I posted my very first blog post. It was full of half-truths and three-quarter lies, mostly to myself. I really wanted to believe that I was laughing and happy, despite what was going on. Truth was, I started this blog as a way to make myself see past a consuming pain and not go to too dark of places.
My third blog post. Wow. I made it three days in a row.
It was some post about a beloved and uglier than hell rescue dog we had to take back because he was biting my nephews and crap. It doesn’t matter. What matters is…
My little guy…
He was so teeny tiny. So itty bitty. So needing of Dad for so much more than Mr. Independent needs me now.
Day three’s new goal: write every day for an entire year, no matter what! I didn’t even have a good logical reason for making this goal. It just felt like it’d be good for my heart and soul.
Sometimes I suck at making goals. Not because I don’t reach them, but because I almost always reach them, or kill myself trying. 365 blog posts in a single year… That’s a crap-ton.
CRAP-TON n. A unit of measurement which signifies a quantity greater than what should be reasonable to an average and sane human being. SEE ALSO: ridonculous.
But on day three I made that goal, anyway.
And I got serious about things. “The Adventures of Dan and Noah? How unoriginal can you be Mr. Pearce?” I can just hear wank-version of me sitting in my work office talking aloud to myself. “We need a better title.”
Single Dad Laughing.
Had I known this blog would become my entire career and a huge chunk of my life, I assure you I wouldn’t have pigeonholed myself into some weird name-corner where any real long-term relationship could void a significant portion of the title. Luckily I suck big time when it comes to love, so the name has never had to change. And, let’s be honest. The name is now such a part of things that it probably never will, even if I’m in like 19 committed relationships all at once.
Dear Jesus. No thank you.
How does any man have time to git wit’ more than one woman? When I am dating, I barely have time at all for her. The very thought of trying to juggle in an fling on the side makes me want to go jump from mountains in Nepal or head down and be a monk in Bolivia. Why Bolivia? Because. Duh. I’ve never heard of a Bolivian monk, which means their monk program is probably the world’s best kept secret.
Anyways, sorry. Where were we. Oh, yes. Five years. The ADD is strong with this one.
Holy trot rocket. This is the 1,810th blog post I’ve written on
The Adventures of Dan and Noah Single Dad Laughing. More than 120 million visits have been logged here. I’ve gotten to go visit and see amazing parts of the world, lead teams of dozens in Tough Mudders, gab with celebrities, work with huge corporations and little startups, and I’ve had a front row seat to watch personal blogs, and the ability to make decent money from them, go the way of Blockbuster Video. What an adventure.
Oh, things have changed in the past five years. But I love this blog, and all of you, more than any big fat paycheck is worth. I love the freedom. And I have some amazing things coming.
So my first apps flopped. Who cares! Those doors opened new doors for new apps which will be amazing.
So I can’t make enough income just blogging anymore. Who cares! That door opened another door for memecabin.com, a site which I’ve been building with 14 fellow writers and which I’m launching next week to bring an amazing flow of thoughtful, hilarious, or just plain stupid (yet overly entertaining) content your way.
And so my first published book fizzled and drizzled. Who cares! That door opened another door for my next book, coming later this year! You won’t want to miss that. It includes stories of my ass getting glued to a log, and “premature” college amazingness, and a whole lot of other hilarious life lessons. The book is, in my often-faulted opinion, my greatest life accomplishment so far. Its message goes far beyond the humor that fills it. I’m so excited to get it out there. But it’ll be a couple months yet.
Gall dang if life isn’t better than ever. I get sad sometimes. I’m still happy! I get frustrated and stressed sometimes. I still love my life! I dye my hair dark brown. I’m still a dumb blonde! Oh, wait. I maybe shouldn’t think those ADD thoughts aloud.
Anyway, thank you all for the last five years. And thank you for the next five years. Who knows what kind of adventures we’ll all have together. I bet there will be some good ones.
And, shoot. We gotta keep going after that because five years from now, Noah will be a teenager. And that’s gotta make great blogging, right?
Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing