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4) Wiping Boogers on Just About Anything
– I get it everyone; no need to keep confessing… You like to pick your nose, and you don’t like taking time to find a suitable means of disposal for the evidence, so you wipe them under your car seat, or on the side of your couch, or in the crack of your baseboards, or on walls as you pass. Well, maybe you don’t, but a lot of people sure do.
LAST BOOGER WIPING CONFESSION RECEIVED:
“When I pick my nose at work I wipe it on the inside of my cubicle where no one can see it. Some one is gonna have a fun surprise when I quit and they take over my station.”
Friends, I could make that up. Maybe I should make that up. But I don’t have to. You’re surrounded by a world full of boogers that you don’t know are there.
5) Ripping Off & Chewing One’s Feet Callouses Like Bubblegum
– Baseball card companies will be talking about putting a free callous into every pack to boost sales after reading this. And why not? It’s apparently a favorite time waster for many.
LAST CALLOUS CHEWING CONFESSION RECEIVED:
“I pull at the callouses on my heels until they come off and then I chew on them.” Short and sweet.
That’s totally normal. For you. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
6) Smelling One’s Own Nethers
– This one comes in many varieties through my Weird Confessions portal. Many people love to inhale huge whiffs of their own undies after a long, sweaty day. Others love holding their hand deep in their pants until it becomes saturated, and then inhaling that for minutes on end. Others just love the odor whenever and however they happen to smell it.
LAST NETHER SMELLING CONFESSION
– “I always sneak my boyfriend’s dirty underwear out of the hamper and smell it. Something about it drives me wild, and not in a sexual way I just like it.”
Okay, that wasn’t a confession of smelling one’s own nethers. That was smelling someone else’s nethers, but I went with it because it bears sharing that almost as often as people confess to smelling their own “downstairs,” they confess to smelling the “downstairs” of others.
Gosh. I could go on, but this post is already grossing me out beyond my limits. The point is, people are nasty in huge numbers, and I just want a little gosh dang appreciation for wading through all the Weird Confessions when I do. I am a germaphobe, ickaphobe, and nastyphobe, and yet I still do it all so that we can all get to the other weird things… Like chronically counting peas on one’s plate or needing to stop at every floor on the way up in an elevator. You know, the truly bizarre human stuff.
That’s all. Not that any of you probably made it this far in the post, anyway. I know I probably wouldn’t have. I just feel like the world needs to know. People need to know they’re surrounded by grossies, and they need to know they’re not living in grossie solitude. I guess we’ll see if this gets shared or not. That will tell us all if people would rather live in ignorance of it all.
Dan Pearce, The Single Dad Laughing Blog
PS. This is, of course, all in good fun. You glorious weirdos.