Over on the Single Dad Laughing Facebook page, I asked what was the creepiest thing you’ve ever heard said by your… parents. As usual, you all delivered some of the creepiest, weirdest, and most hilarious responses!

20 of the CREEPIEST Things Ever Said by… Parents.

  • Submission #1

    My dad used to walk around in his tighty whities singing “Do-wah Do-wah Do-wah dickie, I like sex, but it makes you sticky.” I consider myself a miracle. I should be a very broken person, LOL!

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  • Submission #2

    The night before thanksgiving my mom and dad were at my sister’s house. He said that he had to go home and stuff the turkey. Then he said to my mom. “Come on turkey. Let’s go home.”

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  • Submission #3

    My mom to my dad: “you wash that car almost every day. When’s the last time you washed me?” my dad was mortified. I laughed until I cried.

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  • Submission #4

    My mom lost her eye. Trying to make light of the situation my dad would make pirate jokes. Finally my mom had had enough. She told dad, “if I hear it one more time, you won’t be getting any more of this pirate’s booty.”

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  • Submission #5

    After my Dad passed away, I heard my mother giggling at one point. Fearing she was going to have a nervous breakdown, I asked if she was ok and what was going on. She looked at me and grinned with tears in her eyes and said, “your Father was always ready. Didn’t matter where or when. It just occurred to me he’s going to be stiff forever…”

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  • Submission #6

    Me as I’m trying to reach for something: ‘Dad, why am I so short?’

    Dad: ‘Your mom wasn’t really in the mood that night.’

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  • Submission #7

    As a teenager, I was standing in the kitchen of one of my closest friends. We were getting ready to leave and her mother wanted a kiss goodbye. Embarrassed, my friend didn’t want to kiss her. Her mother responded, “you should be happy to kiss the lips on my face and remember that they are not the first ‘lips you’ve kissed of mine.” Yup, you heard that right…

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  • Submission #8

    When referring to dating guys at work, my mom once told me and my sister, “don’t get your sausage where you get your bacon!”

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  • Submission #9

    My little brother caught my parents in the act once when he was little. After inquiring what they were doing, my dad replied, “it’s mommy’s turn to ride the horsey.”

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  • Submission #10

    In the 80’s as a teenager, I asked my dad what he got Mom for her birthday; he said a vibrator, LOL. I wanted to throw up! Turns out he had just bought her something for her neck that vibrates.

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