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  • Submission #11

    My dad and (not yet) stepmom decided to buy a house together. She had 2 teenagers who were less than thrilled at the idea. While driving to have a “family talk” about all of it, my dad was bouncing ideas off me about what to say. As we get to a stop light he says, “oh! I know! I’ll say, my door is always open to you… Unless it’s locked. Then I’m banging your mom.” This was followed by raucous laughter. I never wanted to jump out of a vehicle (or my own skin) more than in that moment.

CREEPY SDL_ICON 287
LOL! SDL_ICON 829
Too Far SDL_ICON 387
1503 votes so far.
  • Submission #12

    “Oh, my…You’re bigger than your dad.”

CREEPY SDL_ICON 763
LOL! SDL_ICON 91
Too Far SDL_ICON 924
1778 votes so far.
  • Submission #13

    Sitting at the dinner table my dad says, “why is it okay to say I pricked my finger, but not okay to say I fingered my prick?”

CREEPY SDL_ICON 398
LOL! SDL_ICON 588
Too Far SDL_ICON 470
1456 votes so far.
  • Submission #14

    “Over my dead body!” I said. Their response: “that can be arranged, and you’re small enough to fit in the trunk! Now, do what I said!”

CREEPY SDL_ICON 212
LOL! SDL_ICON 1239
Too Far SDL_ICON 54
1505 votes so far.
  • Submission #15

    One day my mum was busying herself making us a coffee, and kept flashing this massive rock of a ring.

    “Mum!!!! Damn, look at that. New ring?”

    “Uh huh, you like it?” as she shows it off to me proudly. “Dad got it for me. It’s a ‘sorry’ gift.”

    “What on earth did he do to be THAT sorry?” I’m slightly concerned at this revelation.

    Then she continued… “Well, we got fruity on the bathroom floor two nights ago. And, well, your dad isn’t great at reading me at times. I was like ….’Oh oh ohhh god’ and your dad was all ….’ Oh yes, Pam, yes!’ I got louder …’oh Pete, Pete… PETE!!!’ and I’m gasping… ‘You love that don’t you Pam’… Well, I couldn’t contain myself any longer… ‘NO!!! You bloody idiot, I’m burning my leg on the sodding radiator!!!! STOP!!!’ ”

    I could have died!

CREEPY SDL_ICON 186
LOL! SDL_ICON 869
Too Far SDL_ICON 499
1554 votes so far.
  • Submission #16

    I have dimples, and when I asked my Dad why, he told me it was because he and my mom had had sex during pregnancy I was around 7 and I believed this until about 13 when in sex-ed I told the entire class that was the reason why I had dimples. Fair to say, I was laughed out of class.

CREEPY SDL_ICON 142
LOL! SDL_ICON 1096
Too Far SDL_ICON 223
1461 votes so far.
  • Submission #17

    Me to my 55 year old dad: “I almost got you a selfie stick for your birthday.”

    Dad: *while pointing to his pants* “I already have a selfie stick…”

CREEPY SDL_ICON 388
LOL! SDL_ICON 909
Too Far SDL_ICON 242
1539 votes so far.
  • Submission #18

    I told Dad his zipper was down. He replied, “who cares! The damn thing doesn’t work anymore anyway!”

CREEPY SDL_ICON 194
LOL! SDL_ICON 1136
Too Far SDL_ICON 123
1453 votes so far.
  • Submission #19

    “Don’t believe what they say about black men. When I was a nurse I use to peek and compare.”

CREEPY SDL_ICON 467
LOL! SDL_ICON 814
Too Far SDL_ICON 245
1526 votes so far.
  • Submission #20

    I had taken my new boyfriend over to meet my nana one day, and she said, “well I’m glad you guys came over when you did. I was just about to take off my pants and let the old girl breathe for a little while; you know let those lips freeee!” At the time she was 90 years old on the verge of dementia, and all I could do was apologize after picking my boyfriends jaw up off the floor.

CREEPY SDL_ICON 223
LOL! SDL_ICON 1220
Too Far SDL_ICON 206
1649 votes so far.

Hm. Yeah. So that’s what they mean when they allude to daddy and mommy issues. I’m not sure whether I’m going to laugh or cry myself to sleep tonight.

Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing

PS. Be sure to submit your own “creepy parent” stories below. Oh, and hey! I moved the comments on posts over to Facebook! Here is the Facebook post for this one… And if you enjoyed this, will you do me a HUGE favor and give the post a “like” real quick? That’s always very helpful to me so that it doesn’t disappear into that durn fickle Facebook algorithm, haha.

Last week I asked what was the CREEPIEST thing you've ever heard one of your parents say. As usual, you delivered the...

Posted by Single Dad Laughing on Wednesday, September 23, 2015
Click here to submit your own creepy parents story!

What is the creepiest thing you've ever heard a child say?