I went to have my first visit with my new personal physician today. Shots. Bla bla bla. Blood work. Bla bla bla. Thorough examination and cross-examination and cross-eyed examination. Bla. Bla bla. Bla bla. Bla blaaaa.
I have found myself in way too many doctors’ offices and surgeons’ realms of late. Why is it so difficult to just will myself to be in the best health of my life whenever I want? It seems like it shouldn’t be that hard. Mind over matter and all that jazz.
Anyway, after divulging far too much, and showing far too much, and getting far too uncomfortable, I finally got to make my way out of the phlebotomy department, down the wide, winding staircase, and toward the big automatic double doors which would lead me to sunshine and freedom.
Coming from the other side of the double doors was a sandy-blonde haired woman, probably about my age, carrying her swaddled infant out in front of her with both arms.
We would be entering the doorway at approximately the same time. It was a wide doorway; big enough to fit a grand piano through, at least.
I moved far to the right side. She moved to her right side. I smiled at her. It was just a friendly, hello human smile. She looked at me and half-smiled back. This was all moments before we entered the doorway.
I didn’t think much of it. I offer hello human smiles to most people. She did a weird double-take at me as we passed. And then… She somehow rammed her baby straight into the door frame as she walked.
“OH, MY. HOW DID I…” was all I heard before she quickly ducked inside the building. She hustled away as her baby started crying out in shock, probably jolted awake from a deep and trusting slumber.
I’m sure her baby was fine. It’s not like mama was sprinting at high speed or anything. It did kind of shock me a bit. I’m not used to anyone running into door jams as we pass.
I took it as a serious compliment. I must just be *that* hot. I can make women walk into things.
Okay, maybe not.
More likely, giant 6’4″ man-bun bearded me was a bit intimidating to her. Or who knows… Maybe my friendly smile gave her the not-so-friendly willies. Or maybe I was malodorous enough to clear a wide berth wherever I went. All I know is that a baby dun smacked into a doorframe, and I think it was at least partially my fault.
Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing