Poetry Rerun #7 of 10

I am going to rerun 10 poems that I wrote and shared in the past. This is one of them, from January 2013. During these reruns I’ll be joining the Single Dad Laughing Health Club team at the Philly Tough Mudder, and almost immediately following, undergoing another bum surgery. Yay for my bum. Anyway, after the last poem that so many of you enjoyed, I went on a trip down memory lane to see what other poetry I had written. I actually had forgotten most of it, so this is almost just as fun and new for me as it will be for most of you.

ODE TO FACEBOOK FRIENDS

I signed up for Facebook,
I didn’t have to think twice.
So many were joining
this over-sharer’s paradise.

Twas two thousand and seven
This could be fun, I thought.
I can share a few laughs
and all the great photos I’ve got.

Click here, Facebook said.
To find all of your friends!
And all the people from high school,
and all your old girlfriends.

“Woohoo, this is awesome!”
I screamed with a smile,
as I sent hundreds of friend requests,
and I built my profile.

It was finally my chance
to prove that I am the man,
to stack up my friend count,
in every way that I can.

First by dozens and then hundreds,
oh how the number did grow,
and it didn’t take long
before I was lost in its throes.

I became friends with the quarterback
from my senior year,
and then friends with the prom queen?
I grinned ear to ear.

And then Sarah Stephens
who was always out of my league,
along with many others
with whom I was always intrigued

I added the jocks,
they were so cool back then.
I added the cheerleaders
and the school president.

But why stop there?
Why not have them all?
I added the band geeks
and the freaks in the hall.

I added the guys
who were top of their class.
I added the girls
who were kind of badass.

I added the nerds
who played cards after school
I added the geeks
Who in drama did rule.

If you were in student counsel
you got a friend request from me.
If you were in shop or home ec,
you became part of my spree.

No, we didn’t really have
to know each other at all.
We didn’t have to even
say hi in the halls.

My only requirement
was that I knew who you were,
and if you accepted my friend request
our friendship was sure.

But high school was only
a small part of the ruse.
The Facebook push to be popular
kept us all so amused.

Grade school to middle school
I searched through them all
I linked up with every old friend
who would answer the call.

I even added teachers
who I’d had way back when,
as if they were part of my
life’s overall plan.

And cousins. And siblings.
I added so many.
And parents. And grandparents.
And that homeless guy, Vinnie.

And let’s not forget
all the times I did shirk,
as I searched for any person
with whom I had worked.

I thought way far back
to my first job at Wendy’s,
and later to that temp girl.
What was her name? Cindy?

Then to add to my numbers,
I began my big search
for all of the people
that went to my church.

And because I was married
I looked past our big brawls
and one at a time
I added all my in-laws.

Two hundred. Four hundred.
Then double even that.
I was finally a baller.
I was now a tom cat.

And the years went by quick
and my list grew to more,
and I started to realize…
that it was kind of a bore

to log onto Facebook
and see so much crap
about the breakfast you ate
and your this and that.

When I really don’t know you
if we take it down to the gist.
And I really don’t care to
if we’re both being honest.

We didn’t care about each other then.
So why pretend we do now?
For the sake of a number?
No one looks anyhow.

And so I hope you’ll forgive me
If tomorrow you wake,
and we’re no longer besties,
you know, the kind that are fake.

I’ve decided I want Facebook
to be a place where I go,
and see the people I care about
in my feed as it flows.

So don’t go getting your knickers
all up in a twist,
or try to reach out
or raise your fat fist.

If you happen to notice,
which I doubt that you will
Do us both a big favor,
And just wave, farewell.

Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing

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Dan Pearce is an American-born author, app developer, photographer, and artist. This blog, Single Dad Laughing, is what he's most known for, with more than 1.4 million daily subscribers as of 2017. Pearce writes mostly humorous and introspective works, as well as his musings which span from fatherhood, to dating, to life, to the people and dynamics of society. Single Dad Laughing is much more than a blog. It's an incredible community of people just being real and awesome together!