Poetry Rerun #5 of 10

I am going to rerun 10 poems that I wrote and shared in the past. This is one of them, from January 2013. During these reruns I’ll be joining the Single Dad Laughing Health Club team at the Philly Tough Mudder, and almost immediately following, undergoing another bum surgery. Yay for my bum. Anyway, after the last poem that so many of you enjoyed, I went on a trip down memory lane to see what other poetry I had written. I actually had forgotten most of it, so this is almost just as fun and new for me as it will be for most of you.

From the original post: A very close friend of mine has been struggling with some big life and marriage decisions lately. I haven’t known really what to say so I sat down this morning and wrote this poem for her. Love you girl.

Tiny Fist in the Wind

From the time you were a tiny girl
You’ve watched the people by your side
The ones who used to laugh and hug
And now they only cry

So many vows were whispered once
Into eyes that really meant it
And now those vows aren’t even whispers
To the wind that came and took them

And as that tiny little girl
The wind pushed past your fist
And arm raised high, you cried aloud,
“There’s been enough of this”

Yes, you would be the first to show
That failure had no ground
In the marriage you would one day have
Your station would be sound

The truth screamed at you loud as thunder
That when push came to shove
You could fix anything with elbow grease
And a little bit more love

No, you couldn’t fail
You wouldn’t fail
This was what you told the wind
That always came so brutally
To the others in the end

And with your sacred vow in place
You one day met the man
He swept you off your stubborn feet
He fit your perfect plan

Things went faster than they should
Everything felt so right
He popped the question and before you knew it
You were confirmed to him for life

And as the day with haste approached
That your vows would cross with his
Another whisper filled the wind
And said, “this isn’t what it is”

But you couldn’t listen

You wouldn’t listen

Because from the time you were a tiny girl
You’ve watched the people by your side
The ones who used to laugh and hug
The ones you now watch cry

No, you couldn’t fail
You wouldn’t fail
This was what you told the wind
That always came so brutally
To the others in the end

And then you said, “I do”

Away you were whisked into the night
Your new husband at your side
And in your bathroom late that night
You sat alone and cried

You knew this man was someone else
He was not right for you
And as you sat behind that door
He didn’t have a clue

That the truth was pressing hard upon you
The truth that said it loud
Your hopes, your dreams, your entire life
All belong to the wrong man now

And the wind that whispered so quietly
“This isn’t what it is”
Screamed to you that lonely night
“With this you’ll have to live”

Not yet grown up and no longer a child
You remembered your tiny fist
That you held up in the wind one day
And promised to get past this

And once again you raised that fist
This time to the mirror
And wiped the tears that stained your cheeks
Until the whispers were no more

No, you couldn’t fail
You wouldn’t fail
This was what you told the wind
That always came so brutally
To so many others in the end

To get out now would show the world
That you somehow weren’t quite perfect
To walk away would be failure
And happiness wasn’t worth it

And so you jumped into the future
Determined to keep your vow
Determined to be the first to make it
Determined to embrace your now

And that man to whom you promised
Your next eighty years
Never did show up again
As the man once so sincere

Oh, you worked hard, so very hard
After push finally came to shove
To put in all that elbow grease
And add that extra bit of love

And somehow, nothing changed

Nothing

Ever

Changed

And in your quest to prove that you
Were perfect in all you do
And to prove that failure couldn’t happen
And to prove your own value

You stayed

No, you couldn’t fail

You

wouldn’t

fail

This was what you told the wind
That always came so brutally
To so many others in the end

And precision became your savior now
The mask which hid the truth
The truth that says you want to run
Before you come unglued

But perfection can only last so long
When it is based hard on a lie
So to keep the flawless disguise up
You added little ones to your side

Your marriage you knew you couldn’t help
But a faultless mother you could be
You could make yourself be happy now
You could make the world see

That you are the rock that can’t be moved
No, the floods will never win
You are the one with everything
You will make it to the end

But having little ones didn’t change it

And every day the more you tried
To prove how perfect was the ride
The more you were reminded
Just how trapped you were inside

And things became

hopeless

You wanted to run
You wanted to hide
You wanted to leave
You wanted to cry

But none of these things
You could let yourself do
Because none of these things
Were a perfect version of you

Until one night you stood in front of the mirror
And saw in your own eyes nothing but fear
And you thought of your dreams, and your life and your plans
And you thought of your little ones and who you chose for their dad

And you thought of that girl
With her fist in the wind
And the vow that she made
To never give in

But the fear in your eyes
And the tremble in your chin
Was much stronger than any
Tiny fist in the wind

And you let yourself think
Your first non-perfect thought
You let yourself be
Who you’ve proved that you’re not

It’s time, you thought

The words hit you like concrete
They bore into your soul
They streamed from your eyes
They gave you new goals

But before any of it at all
Could set in for long
A new wind showed up
Whispering a new song

The tune was quite cheerless
In fact it was almost pitch black
And did everything it could
To make you take those words back

You cannot ever do this
The wind whispered now
You cannot ever win
The very notion is foul

Where will you land
When you step into the unknown
You’ll fall flat on your face
You’ll lose everything you own

The world will crush you
It will rip you to shreds
It will leave your table barren
It will leave you no beds

There is nothing around you
To ease your great burden
There is no one who will be there
When you become less than perfect

“Shut up!” your thoughts screamed
At this unwanted demon
Who pretended to own you
And pretended to be you

And tears began filling
The corners of your eyes
And you sat down again
And you had a good cry

You were stuck and you knew it
There was nothing to do
You would never be happy
You would always just lose

And just as you almost
Buried your thoughts
And jumped back to the life
That you knew that you ought

And buried your happiness
For the sake of perfection
And gave up your dreams
For a life of rejection

Five tiny fingers rose high in the air
And two great big eyes greeted your stare

“Mommy, why are you crying?”

And a breeze somehow blew
Across your face right then
And it blew through the fingers
Of that tiny child’s hand

And you knew

Exactly

What you had to do

Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing

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Dan Pearce is an American-born author, app developer, photographer, and artist. This blog, Single Dad Laughing, is what he's most known for, with more than 1.4 million daily subscribers as of 2017. Pearce writes mostly humorous and introspective works, as well as his musings which span from fatherhood, to dating, to life, to the people and dynamics of society. Single Dad Laughing is much more than a blog. It's an incredible community of people just being real and awesome together!