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  • 11. When my son was about three, he said to me sadly:

    “Mommy, I don’t like that man.”

    I said, “What do you mean, honey?”

    He replied, while pointing at the ceiling corner, “He sits up there and laughs at me.”

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  • 12. My child once told me:

    “Mommy, don’t worry I won’t kill you. Not today.”

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  • 13. My husband works as an education coordinator at a biological research station...

    Every summer he runs a day camp for kids and teaches them about ecology and nature. One day one of his campers told him, “I want your job when you die.”

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  • 14. My eldest child, when he was 3...

    …looked me dead in the eye and quietly muttered, “I’m going to chop you into little pieces and put you in the oven.”

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  • 15. My 4 year old daughter was playing with her Barbies by herself.

    “She’s not THAT mean.” “Well, maybe I shouldn’t have hit my brother!” Now yelling, “You can’t take me away! I’m telling!” My daughter runs into kitchen where I am and grabs hugs my leg very tightly and starts crying and yelling, “Don’t let her take me! Don’t let her take me! I know where she will take me!”

    Up until then I had assumed her barbies simply got into heated arguments about why she had been gotten in trouble for something. I now have to reassure her frequently that I don’t let ghosts in the house and I won’t let anyone take her.

    Backstory: we had temporarily rented a house while ours was renovated. Old house from 1902. I’m a single mom with 2 kids so all this creepy talk kept me up at night for 4 months! Further research lead to me finding out 2 people had committed suicide in the house and 1 died under “suspicious circumstances” and the skeleton of a young girl was found in what used to be the back alley, which had since became my backyard.

    Needless to say, I’m very happy our new home is in the newer part of town!

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  • 16. My child once told me:

    “If I were you, I’d be afraid to go to sleep tonight.”

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  • 17. My 7-yr-old daughter asked me if I'd ever eaten a spider...

    I said no. She said, “But they’re good for you and full of protein!” I asked why on earth would I want to eat a spider. She cryptically replied, “because then we’d have something to talk about, wouldn’t we?”

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  • 18. When my daughter was 4...

    She once started saying (very seriously) “in twenty one, we’re all gonna die”… I was completely freaked (in 21 days? In the year 2021??) but couldn’t get anything more.

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  • 19. Several years ago...

    My 2-year-old told his 4-year-old sister he was going to pop off her head and crack out all her bones.

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  • 20. I asked: ``Why did you pull the head off of that doll?``

    “So I could see where the voices were coming from.”

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Um.

Yeah.

Creepy.

And hilarious.

And sometimes a mixture of both. Hahaha.

Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing

PS. Would love for you to submit your own stories below. Oh, and if you want a whole lot more of this “Creepiest Things Ever Said by Kids” series, well. There’s the link to all of them.

Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing

What is the creepiest thing you've ever heard a child say?

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Dan Pearce is an American-born author, app developer, photographer, and artist. This blog, Single Dad Laughing, is what he's most known for, with more than 2 million daily subscribers as of 2017. Pearce writes mostly humorous and introspective works, as well as his musings which span from fatherhood, to dating, to life, to the people and dynamics of society. Single Dad Laughing is much more than a blog. It's an incredible community of people just being real and awesome together!