THE FLAW: Also known as a selfish person, the under-giver cuts corners and takes actions that will affect others in frustrating ways, and they don’t really care. This person is resented by many and in many situations. They will cause aggravation to those they care most about as their expectations of others constantly outweigh that which they are willing to give. This person often feels as if life owes something to them, and anyone else around them quickly becomes a part of the “owes them something” puzzle.
THE STRENGTH: This person will actually dedicate themselves extremely fully to the tasks they find important. They will rarely take on responsibilities (that they find important) half-heartedly, and will achieve that which many can’t in areas where putting oneself first is tantamount to success due to an environment that will punish and cripple those who put themselves second. This person is amazing to have on your side, being an “under-giver” for you, when you’re having a hard time making a stand for yourself. They’ll often speak up for you when others are taking advantage of you, or when others are making life difficult for you.
THE FLAW: Yes, I have this listed as a flaw. An over-giving person gives so much of themselves, their time, and their talents to others that they leave very little (if anything at all) for themselves. This often builds resentment and struggle as they feel others take advantage of them, and they feel a constant inequality as they look at other people’s efforts and commitments compared to their own. This person eventually becomes deplete of energy and begins looking at other as lazy or uncaring, when they actually aren’t. This person is also often taken advantage of, and they know it, which causes even more internal struggle.
THE STRENGTH: Probably obvious, but this person is often much happier than others too, because… giving brings satisfaction and happiness that selfishness simply can’t. This person is an incredible friend, family member, supporter, and confidant. Positivity usually abounds with the over-giver, and this leaks into the lives and struggles of others in so many incredible ways. The over-giver is trusted more fully. People are very protective of and loyal to the over-givers. And love felt for over-givers is more sincere and strong.
7. Being Scatter-Brained
THE FLAW: This person is often all over the place. Few tasks get done to completion, and conversations with this person can be aggravating at best as they jump from topic to topic and often don’t come to any real conclusion. Important things get forgotten, schedules get double-booked, and plans get changed often.
THE STRENGTH: This person is often creative or artistic. More ideas surface which lead to more incredible moments or more fulfilling methods of completing tasks that would otherwise be mundane. This person is usually ready to try a lot of different ideas, and take many different paths, to try and achieve success. They are not so married to any idea that they can’t let it go when it goes wrong; they simply pick up and move in another direction, continually striving for success.
8. Attention Hogging
THE FLAW: Attention hogs need the room to be focused on them the vast majority of the time. This person will often respond (and often even cut-off) other people’s stories with stories of their own about themselves. This person doesn’t let other people’s day in the sun last very long at all. This causes eventual aloofness and resentment from those they care about. Others often feel unheard or uncared about by attention hogs. An attention hog would often rather have negative attention than no attention at all, which leads to moments that put real distance between themselves and those they love.
THE STRENGTH: This person often makes situations more fun and entertaining. Even more importantly, this person can often (and often purposefully/quite willingly) distract the attention from you when negative attention (or potential negative attention) arises. This person can often command the attention of the room, and add organization to chaos.
Oh gosh, I could go on for pages. There is a never-ending list of “personality flaws” I could write about, and rarely have I ever contemplated a single one of them that doesn’t have a potential amazing flip-side.
The real question is: are we each the kind of human who will see the flaws in those we love and then do the following?
First, can we acknowledge the counterbalancing strengths in those we love, driven by the very traits we struggle with most, thereby driving expectation for greatness?
And second, can we acknowledge the counterbalancing strengths in ourselves, hone them, direct them, and thereby hold onto them and turn them into the most spectacular parts of us?
If the answer to both is a resounding yes, so many more incredible things would happen in our lives and relationships. We would work more endlessly to curb our flaws and channel them into our strengths. Of this I am certain. I just hope those who love me now and in the future will somehow see the strength of my flaws even more than they see the flaws of my strengths because… Who wants their flaws to be the primary focus of anyone when focus on the exact same strengths is always going to be so much more powerful?
Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing