I miss writing.
And I mean real writing. The kind that forces its way from my soul and sometimes manages to leap into yours. I miss it dearly.
You’ve probably noticed that I haven’t done a whole lot of it recently. It’s been all quick humorous narratives, crowd-sourced posts, or other entertaining but not-what-I-want-to-be-writing stuff.
My agent has been waiting on me for months to deliver something. I haven’t been able to.
It’s not writer’s block.
I simply have not been able to calm my senses and my mind enough to write from a place that is deeper than the surface. Staring at too many words for too long makes things worse.
Do you remember the mental disorder I developed from living somewhere so loud? It’s called Sensory Overload Disorder (something they literally have used in other countries to torture people), and it seems every time I get it under control again, one crazy loud something ignites it with a fury and I spend the next three weeks trying to calm everything around me.
It seems I live in ear plugs and headphones for the majority of most days. I don’t hang with friends nearly as often as I used to. I don’t date much at all (the Sensory Overload just makes me irritable and impatient). I have a hard time working out.
I have sat down so many times to try and write something the way I always have. I always stare at my screen trying to find that place I have to go, always tuning-in to only the piercing sounds around me.
According to my brain-doctor, a vacation won’t take care of it. A week of solitude on a relaxing beach wouldn’t do the trick. My mind needs long-term peace and quiet if it’s going to heal.
Unfortunately, I’m stuck in a lease and have to come up with two months of extra rent to get out of it. I’m working on that. It’ll be the best money I ever spent when I do spend it. So long as I can find that place of peace to move into.
T-Shirts have saved me. The sales of them have helped for sure, and being able to disappear with headphones into a creative place in my mind every day has done wonders for my depression. I don’t have to dig into my soul when I’m working on art or design, only into my creative brain.
Last night my sensory overload was flaring badly, and I was able to put on my headphones and paint this “badass” on my iPad. Doing so helped me to zone-in (or zone-out if you will) and not think about all my overloaded senses.
I have such an appreciation for why people with Sensory Overload need to get lost in their own little worlds (such as people with autism). The mind has to go somewhere outside of reality for a hot minute or every mental everything will erupt.
Anyway, I’m sure that many of you have wondered why I don’t write/post much anymore. This is why. I’m sure man of you feel like I’m just depending on memes and t-shirts nowadays. That’s mostly true, and I don’t fault you for feeling it. I also really appreciate you letting me jump back and forth between it all.
The good news is I have a list ten miles long of things I have wanted to write but haven’t been able. When I do eventually get this fixed, I know myself enough to know that I’ll go gangbusters. Haha. Until then, enjoy the occasional post, the awesome (and entertaining, I hope) t-shirts, and the memes.
Thanks for your support. You’ve always given me so much of it.
Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing
PS: If you missed the posts about my Sensory Overload Disorder, you can find them all here: