Words my parents didn’t forbid from movies, probably because they didn’t yet know them, included: cunt, twat, and dick hole. In fact, it wouldn’t be until I left the Mormon church some eleven years later that I myself learned the word twat. As soon as I did, I swear I heard it everywhere.

Because of their strict rules for media in their home, I knew that no amount of arguing would make them approve of our pick that night: some Adam Sandler raunchy comedy. Our movie choice was definitely the biggest reason I didn’t want to wake them up. The girls and the time of night were secondary on my worry list, for sure.

And so you can see why Tomi Ann couldn’t be there when we started the movie. She hadn’t yet come to the dark side.

At that point in our lives, she and I had more or less stopped our bickering, and had even become friends to some degree. Moving out of the same house had been the magic pink pill that made it finally happen. Because of that, I thought maybe she would be cool enough to just scoot on down to her own bed in the basement so that we could continue our sinful evening.

I motioned my friends over toward the wall. They obliged. I went and turned on the kitchen light so that the room we were standing in wasn’t so dark.

Then, I quietly knelt in front of my sister, tenderly placed one hand on her shoulder, and gave her a gentle shake. “Hey Tomi,” I whispered.

She grunted and moved slightly. “Mmmm.”

“I have some friends here and we want to watch a movie. Would you mind going downstairs to sleep?” I said it so quietly. So nicely. So sweetly. So…

Faster than I could process what was happening, she forcefully pushed me away from her and stood up in a fury. Her eyes shot open, heavy and bloodshot. Her nose scrunched up. Her lips pierced. And then she pulled a closed fist back, and punched me right in the gut. “Aaaaaah!” she literally screamed as she made impact. In my memory she sounded exactly like Miss Piggy does when she also goes on the attack.

I didn’t care so much about the sucker punch. I didn’t want her waking up the two people who could really put an end to our night…


Previous articleRatted-Out By My Child
Next articleThe Mexican Kids in the Trash Pile
Dan Pearce is an American-born author, app developer, photographer, and artist. This blog, Single Dad Laughing, is what he's most known for, with more than 2 million daily subscribers as of 2017. Pearce writes mostly humorous and introspective works, as well as his musings which span from fatherhood, to dating, to life, to the people and dynamics of society. Single Dad Laughing is much more than a blog. It's an incredible community of people just being real and awesome together!