I’ve decided to share my latest book (The All-Important, Well-Fed, Giant White Man) with my followers here, free of charge, one chapter at a time. So… Where were we on this read-along… Oh, yes…
Chapter 27: Another Pointless List of My Random Thoughts
And now, the second half of that pointless list of my random thoughts.
- Avid women hikers don’t wear bras. I’ve never been sure why.
- Men in hot yoga classes don’t care when their balls hang out of their shorts. I’ve also never been sure why.
- Most of us are much more content debating what we know reality television stars should be doing to fix their problems than we are fixing the equally daunting problems in our own lives and relationships.
- Beards make some guys ultra-sexy. Some guys they just help not to look like giant overgrown babies. When properly trimmed, beards are appreciated by most everyone and have their popularity ups and downs from one generation to the next.
- Mustaches have been creepy in every generation.
- Some men are so lazy and so entitled that they refuse to wait for an open urinal in public restrooms and then they pee all over the unlifted seat in the sit-down stall. These men should be court-ordered into a “learn to be less douchey and entitled” course.
- When some bloggers feel inadequate or inferior, they become monster jerks to other bloggers on the Internet. They try to make their motives appear pure and humble. They’re really just insecure ass hats. Anyone can start a blog. Even insecure ass hats.
- Getting super drunk is fun. If, that is, fun includes activities such as: dancing without inhibition; drinking shots out of someone else’s scrotum; singing the best karaoke rendition of Pianoman you or anyone else in that bar has ever heard; laughing uncontrollably; crying uncontrollably; taking your pants off and running around like a hooligan; kissing complete strangers; having the best sex ever; having the worst sex ever; having sex you don’t remember having; getting pregnant and not knowing how or when it happened; regretful exes getting clingier; angry exes getting angrier; puking; forgetting things; and more. Drink responsibly, people. You don’t actually want to be sipping booze out of that random guy’s scrotum. I promise you.
- People on the Internet who get so heated and intense about politics and religion annoy everyone. They should really go find a different Internet.
- At the gym there are so many mostly chiseled, sexy, perfectly figured men and women. They are everywhere you turn and they make you feel ugly and fat no matter how fit you are. Nobody actually knows where these people go after they leave the gym, or if they even exist in real life at all because they’re rarely spotted in public.
- The majority of ugly and horrible comments on YouTube videos (and there are a lot of them) seem to be made mostly by men in Asia. Again, I’ve never been sure why. I get the idea they get their jollies ruffling our easily rufflable Western feathers.
- To the vast majority of the human population, Twitter doesn’t make any sense no matter how much they try to learn it and appreciate it. Present company included.