Humor

“I don’t know if I have that…”

WEEKEND SHORTIES BUT GOODIES:Ever since the girls split, I have a serious problem. I have no idea what I have left to my name anymore, and if I'm not at home to go check if she took it or left it (whatever it may be), I always have to tell people, "I don't know if I have that."One friend was coming over and we were going to bake some cookies together. "Do you have a cookie sheet?" she asked. I don't know if I have that. "Okaaaayyyy... do you have shortening or flour?" I don't know if I have that. "How could you not know?" I just don't. I have no idea if she took it or left it. And so the endless circle starts. She finally just ended up bringing all of the necessaries with her, just in case. Which was good, cause then I didn't have to pay for anything.A little while later, some married friends were...

Peanuts and bugs

Today was laundry day. Yippee skippy. Literally, this list is what I found in Noah's pockets.

Remind me never to date a girl from South Dakota

Today we'll go funny funny since yesterday was more of a lame show-off cute dad day. I won't lie to you. I'm a *bit* bothered by something. Why has nobody from South Dakota ever...

My Difficult Confession

I am about to send a letter to somebody that I betrayed in the past. It's not easy for me to do this (or to admit to it), and I was hoping that you, my readers, could read through it for me before...

Danoah’s Top 12 Facebook Pet Peeves

I present to you Single Dad Laughing's first ever video blog, Danoah's Top 12 Facebook Pet Peeves. Starring: Noah as himself, and me as the idiot babbling the rest of the time. It turned out a bit long, future ones will definitely be shorter, but besides that, let me know what you liked and didn't like for future videos!Do me a favor after watching this video. If you laugh your face off, or if you have a good chuckle, or if you even crack a smile, please share this video on Facebook, Twitter, your email, and wherever else you like to share worthless time wasters. You do that, and I'll send you 25 bucks. One dollar for every time you thought the word "idiot" while watching this video. Oh, and this video is best viewed in HD, so if you can handle such digital power, change it to 720p. Here goes nothing:Yes, the sad truth is, you just lost a section of your life that you'll...

A day in Danoah’s inbox

Comic #8 - Single Dad Laughing - Click to Enlarge.I really can't believe the reception I've had to my new blog. Every day I am getting a ton of new traffic, new followers, and more and more interaction with you all. It's growing faster than I could have hoped, and you only have yourselves to blame!Building Single Dad Laughing has been the most fun I've had in years, and as it's developed, I have become absolutely positive of one thing. 95% of my followers are seriously high class. The other 5%, trim your mullets, take a bath, learn the ABCs, and then let's readdress it.Here's a quick glimpse at a few emails I've gotten from both the classy and the non-classy. We'll keep them all anonymous."Hi Dan :) I stumbled across your page while surfing on KSL for free stuff... We just moved here from the beach cities in California. I must admit, I am HOOKED on your blog. I've shared it with...

Ummm… let me be single… please.

I have a favor to ask of the world. Please, let me actually be single. At least for a moment.Don't get me wrong.I take it as a great compliment that you like me enough to recommend me as a fine catch to your second niece thrice removed, and I believe you that she has a very special spirit and I believe you that she gets "even cuter" once I get to know her personality, and I believe you that she is the funnest person you ever met.I don't believe you that you don't have a picture you can show me and have no way to get one.I take it as a great compliment that you like me enough to completely forget about the fact that I am carrying around the baggage of two divorces and yet you're still willing to declare me a perfect match for your co-worker who is perfect in every way but has just had so...

Walk With Me Down Puberty Lane: A 90s Yearbook Celebration

Over the years, I have tried my best to completely avoid any situation in which I’d have to pull out my old yearbooks. Let’s be honest. Does any man really want to be reminded of...

The Ten Rules of the Divorce Club

There is a club that very few people make it into, and it's called the Divorce Club. But to get in, you have to follow these ten (tongue-in-cheek) rules...

Once There Was a Doorknob. And It Sucked.

I just got in a big fight with a doorknob. And I lost. I didn't just kind of lose. I lost like the fat pug at the Greyhound races kind of lost.

Hang In There Buddy… Just 30 More Seconds!

My son and I have a routine. And I have this routine down to a science. Until yesterday, that is, when it all went up in flames and we passed the "point of no return."

You *Thought* You Liked Chinese food

Ever been to China? Like, real China? I'm not talking about the one in the middle of San Fransisco, I'm talking about the place where you can get a...

Kid’s meals… what happened?!

Okay, I want answers and I want them now! What the heck happened to kid's meals?! It wasn't that long ago that you could get a kid's meal just about anywhere for $1.99 or less. And they'd bring out a nice little meal with enough for your child to fill up on. NOW… kid's meals are all twenty or thirty bucks just about anywhere you go, and each one could easily feed a starving village full of children. So what happened, and where? Is it all a big conspiracy to break parents every time they step foot in a restaurant? Do they actually think that my three year old can eat 38 lbs. of food in one sitting? Maybe they think it's what us as parents want.Not me, I'd rather order Noah a cheap and smaller meal because I know Noah is only going to take a couple of bites before enthusiastically declaring that if he eats one more...

A serious sucker for sales

I'll be the first to admit that I am a serious sucker for sales. And it doesn't matter what kind of crap is on sale, I see those big red beautiful four letter words staring me down and I always have to see what might be glorified underneath them.My biggest weakness is clothing. Nice t-shirts for $6? You bet. BOGO shoes? Absolutely. Fuzzy purple sweaters with pictures of kittens doing karate all over them? You never know when the occasion might call for it.After clothing comes my weakness for snack foods. Since my entire diet consists of four different products, I jump (and I jump hard) any time one of them goes on sale. Last time I went to the local grocery store both my favorite crackers and my favorite granola bars were on sale. And I cleaned them out. I brought home two carts worth of it, and to be honest, I'm still trying to figure out where...

Melt already!

Do you know how many days it has been since Christmas? 225. How do I know that? Because that is precisely how many times I have had to sing Frosty the freakin' Snowman to Noah at bedtime since Christmas ended. Okay, that's an exaggeration since I only have him half the time, but 112 and a half times is still a lot!I guess I should think it's awesome that Noah loves Christmas. He loves everything about it, just like his dad does. The trees, the lights, the food, the presents, the songs... especially Frosty the Snowman. Every night I ask him, Noah, what song do you want? I want Frosty! Noah, let's pick something else, we sing that every night. No dad, I love that song, I want Frosty! Come on Noah, do you want me to help you pick one? Mmmm... no. I just want Frosty, dad. Fine, Frosty it is. And then I sing it. Every verse, every word....

Ummm… you’re too hot. Go away.

So, I finally just got my basement back into rentable shape and was able to post its availability online a few days back. It's been nice not dealing with sharing a house with basement dwellers, but let's be honest. This house is way too big for a single dad and his son, and since I'm stuck here, might as well make a few extra bucks by doing it.Within 12 hours of posting the ad online, I had four people lined up to come see it. I was feeling pretty good about things. It was going to rent fast. The first couple came, and probably all I need to tell you about them is that their son's name was Thor. That'll about sum them up. The second couple made an appointment, and rescheduled three times before they finally showed up... an hour and a half late. Never rent to people who can't even show up on time, let alone pay...

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