Humor

The truth about multi-level marketing.

While most of my posts take on the day to day of my current life, sometimes I have a funny memory of something that happened in the past (yeah, I know that was redundant). Like today, when I started thinking about the time I got sucked into a multi-level marketing scam.The company was called Trek Alliance. Forget the fact that it was later shut down by the feds (for the full, boring story, click here), it was an awesome company. We really had the best products. Shampoo, chap stick, water purifiers (similar to Britta, only 10 times more expensive), and a whole lot more. Get this... we could drink our cleaning products. Sure, they didn't clean, but you could drink 'em, and you can't beat that. Come to think of it, they tasted like sugarless Kool-Aid. And they stained like Kool-Aid. Was I selling $40 bottles of Kool-Aid? Hmmm... probably.One day, as a fresh college drop-out, I found myself unemployed....

Marriage is like Disneyland

My neighbor came over to commiserate with me after my wife split and said, "marriage ain't no Disneyland." But I realized he was wrong. Marriage is exactly like Disneyland.

Cartoon #1 – Single Dad Laughing

Okay, so I've always wanted to start my own comic strip. Or comic box. Cartoon? Whatever you'd call it, I've wanted to start one. And lucky you, you get to LOL at my first one. Enjoy.Haha, what do you think? Should I make more or has this ship sunk before it even left port? I think this situation, though grossly exaggerated, is all too common for many single parents who's kids are going through the tough times in life, particularly divorce. I touched on it a bit in my blog post yesterday about Noah's last straw. All we can really do sometimes is do our best to make sure our kids know they're loved and that we aren't going anywhere. That and take away the shotguns & hand grenades, and replace them with something non-violent like hugs and giggles.Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing

How the crap do you fold fitted sheets?

CATEGORY: HUMOR. Let’s be honest. Being a bachelor is not always without its domestic challenges. At the risk of coming off as chauvinist, I’m going to say something very chauvinistic. Some household chores are better left to women. Not because it’s a woman’s work, but because men are incapable. We are physically unable; our brains and limbs just don’t make the proper connections. We're better off pushing a lawn mower around a yard where the most thinking we have to do is trying to figure out whether it's worth running over the dog turds.Let’s start off with fitted sheets. My enemy number one. Seriously, dudes, have any of you actually attempted to properly fold a fitted sheet? It’s impossible. It’s impractical. And it’s down-right ridiculous.  And what fills this papa bear with the most frustration is that women seem to be able to fold them and have them look perfect. When I try, I get a big flubby wad...

Going to a concert? Read this first.

Last night I went to a concert and it inspired me to write my top 10 music concert survival tips that I think every person going to a concert for the first time should read.

A Single Dad’s Guide to Potty Training

HUMOR: So, I thought now that Noah is potty trained, I would share some of my expert advice with any of you other single or working parents. It can be a bit trickier for *us* since...

Phone Calls to Three-Year-Olds

Phone calls to three-year-olds are challenging at best, and they seem to be getting harder, not easier. When he was first talking enough to have somewhat of a conversation, I would call and he would...

Time to get rid of the guitars for everybody’s sake

The disclaimer:  Note to friends, if you think this blog post is about you, it probably is. First off, don't be offended! . Secondly, do get the hint!The blog post: So, I collect guitars. Or at least I used to; now I just have a sitting collection of guitars. Shoot. I used to. Now my exes have most of my guitar collection... crud. I just realized that now I only have like two guitars. And they aren't that good. Yeah, I know... I should have started out the blog post by saying, So, I have a couple lame guitars. It's 2 am. Sue me.Anyway, I don't really play my two lame guitars anymore. My guitars really have only one purpose and that's to collect impossibly large numbers of dust bunnies in the corners of my living room. I used to play a lot, but I've barely touched any of them in years.But believe me, other people sure don't mind grabbing...

Yuck swapping

That's right folks, I am OCD when it comes to certain things, and a big one of those is what I like to call yuck swapping...

The bedtime blues

So you don't believe in evolution? Well, I have proof that life evolves, and right now that evidence is upstairs sleeping... I think.My son used to make it really simple. When it was time for bed, he of course would try to get out of bed, but I could very easily say no to things like daddy, I wanna stay up and play, or daddy, I want another story. Problem is, after awhile he realized that even being sweet while he asked wasn't helping him. So, he did what life does best, and he evolved.Now, it's a lot trickier. He knows he'll get in big trouble for interrupting 'dad time' if he comes out with any of the old-school tactics, so he's figure out how to do it, and never get in trouble, because dad has no clue what the truth ever is.Daddy, I'm really sad and I'm having a hard time. This is his latest tactic. He knows...

Dirty Undies

How does Noah do it? Or better yet, when does he do it? I find his dirty little pairs of underpants everywhere. For example, and I can't believe this...

Animal [gulp] abuse

Before I make a sad attempt at a humorous post about animal abuse, let me start out by saying that I think animal abuse is wrong, those who participate should be given the death penalty (except kids of course), and I believe it really, really hurts animals' feelings. There, now PETA won't hound me. No pun intended.On to my post...Noah (age three) is at an age (and a time in his life) where he loves his dog, needs a dog, and can't live without his dog. I think having a dog is like having a friend that won't betray him, won't leave him, and won't boss him around. Even better, he can boss his dog around all he wants. With the recent divorce going on and the loss of his step-sister, the value of a good dog is worth its weight in fruit roll-ups.What I'm having a hard time with is getting him to stop abusing dogs. And I...

High pressure adventures

So, I got sick of the $30 shower head I've been using from Walmart because every time I get in the shower I have to re-tighten it, not to mention it didn't have very much water pressure. So, I went to Lowes and picked out a really nice high pressure shower head (with an extra long hose so that I can bathe my dog easily).Usually when I bathe my dog, I just let go of the shower head (while it's still running) and it just dangles until I need to grab it again, not causing any problems. This time, after I sprayed the dog down, I let go of the shower head so that I could work on shampooing him. To my surprise it took on a life of it's own, and for some reason stayed pointed directly at my face with the non-stop power of Niagra Falls! I fought it back like one would fight back a gushing...

100 silly songs… a quick way to a slow and painful death

I don’t tend to have a lot of regrets in my life, but there is one that I must put forth to you for the sole purpose that you must not repeat my offense. Learn from my mistakes. Let me carry this burden alone.100 Silly Songs.It seemed like a seriously good idea when I bought it on iTunes. 100 songs for $9.99. Now, no matter where Noah and I go, there is only one thing we get to listen to, and one thing only. Well, one hundred things. Those 100 silly songs. Those ONE HUNDRED blasted silly songs! Do YOUR ears hang low Polly Wolly Doodle? Billy Boy, you going to the Camptown Races or are you Working on the Railroad? I really don’t want you to take me out to the ballgame, figure out why there is a hole in my bucket, or hear about the people on the bus going up and down!I can’t say that it’s...

The money pit no longer

Now, I don’t want to toot my own horn (okay I do), but I was mathematics student of the month in tenth grade in high school. And due to that accomplishment, for the rest of my life, I will consider myself a math whiz, even though I never went higher than Algebra II in high school and then downgraded to Algebra I in college, and then, well, forgot how to do math altogether.Which is why I come to you, my dear digital friends, for some math help. You see, I’ve encountered a situation that boggles my mind and leaves me scratching my head in confusion (although due to the constant itch it could very well just be head lice). And here it is:When we were a household of four, two kids and two adults, we would spend x dollars on food, necessities, etc. etc. Now, I am finding it ridiculously easy to grocery shop and only spend 15-20% that...

The Hyena-Pig Pickle

Good old Dozer. We're not completely sure what he is. Some think he's half hyena, half pig. I'm not inclined to think they're wrong. Me? I think he's half English Bulldog, half Border Terrier (definitely not a cute mix no matter how you Photoshop it). Dozer is such a calm, trouble-free dog. He looks like he's 20 years old, but we have it on good authority that he's only 2 1/2. People come to the door and see him for the first time and say things like, "he's, ummm... interesting." (side note: if people come to your door and say that about your baby, it is a compliment... ummm... sure). As nice as he is, nobody wants to pet him because he's, well, a little different.Noah loves his "Dozer Dog". Dozer came to us from the Humane Society a little over a month ago with a trade-in policy (yeah, you heard me right). Problem is, that trade-in policy is...

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So, I Fibbed to My Kid… Vol. 2

I asked the question: "what is the funniest fib you've ever found yourself telling your child?" These were a few of your hilarious replies.

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Stuck Beside a Crying Woman

I wrote this after finding myself stuck on the freeway next to a woman who was uncontrollably sobbing in the next car over... About what, I'll never know...

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