Parenting

S.A.H.D.

I wake up this morning at 7:40 AM, just as I have been almost every weekday the last month and a half. It's straight-up torture waking up that early. I spend the next fifteen minutes pressing the snooze button, after which I grouchily roll out of bed, sludge to the bathroom, douse my eyes with freezing cold water, and attempt rather unsuccessfully to force my eyes open. Right on schedule, a loud knock on the door followed by a tiny one. Noah is here. I grumble and shuffle down the stairs, perform a clumsy 180 around the bottom of the banister, and unlock the deadlock on the front door. In one final attempt to pry open my eyes, I glance over at the mirror next to the front door. Sweat pants. Wrinkled Tee. My hair is a mess. It was the same yesterday. The first thing Noah and my ex-wife get to see of me every morning. Damn, that's sexy. I open the...

Psychological Band-Aids

So, I officially just had one of those "becoming my parents" moments.Noah came into my bedroom while I was getting ready this morning, holding his thumb out and whimpering. "Daddy, I need a Band-Aid," he declared as he thrust the damaged digit so close to my face that everything became immediately blurry. I pulled his hand back to a point where I could focus without making myself cross-eyed, and asked him what had happened. He replied that he had cut his finger on a toy."Oh no," I commiserated, sincerely empathetic. "Let me see it."I began inspecting his thumb. He looked at me with squinted eyes, waiting anxiously for my empathy to escalate into pandemonium over his boo-boo. There was no blood, no scratch, no sliver, and in fact, no sign of any physical injury at all. "I don't see anything," I told him.And with that, he burst into tears. "Daddy, I need a Band-Aid!" he screeched through ever-growing sobs."But, there's no...

Kids Uncensored

A little while back, I asked you on Twitter and Facebook "what is the funniest thing you've ever heard a kid say?"Here are your responses, uncensored and unedited, all just as innocent as the children who said them! More than 900 responses came in. Plenty to last us for at least a "few" yearsposts here on Single Dad Laughing.A kindergartner told me that her grandma was a magician for a living. I asked about it and she said "Yes, she started because of the eyes in the back of her head and has been into magic ever since." She was wide-eyed and dead serious. "I almost died. Next time, I'll hold it." "Mommy, you have big pimples and I have little pimples" my son said as he pointed to his chest. Girl: "My daddy's an underwriter." Me: Oh yes? And what does an underwriter do? girl: *shrugs* "He writes on unders?" (underwear) When my 3-year old described the election as "a brown Daddy and...

International Act Like a 4-Year-Old Day

It's Noah's birthday. He turns four today, and as I contemplate just how incredible and special a human being he is, I can't help but think that I should do something special to honor his awesomeness.

The Candy Land Showdown

Santa brought Noah both the Candy Land and Chutes & Ladders board games for Christmas last year. They've remained buried in our game closet, unopened and untouched since then. Jigsaw puzzles have been his poison of choice, and so every other game has sat gathering dust.On Wednesday, he came trotting into my tiny and pathetic computer nook home office, Candy Land in tow. He asked me if we could play, declaring that he was now tired of puzzles. I really needed a break anyway, so we sat down at the kitchen table and opened 'er up. We played no less than three hundred games of Candy Land, every one of them sprinkling nostalgic dust all over me in an attempt to counteract how tedious it was to repeatedly play the same game over and over.We finally put the game away, and Noah asked if we could play it again the next day. Not knowing if I could choke down...

If You Give a Child a Cookie…

No joke and no exaggerations, the following is the exact conversation that Noah and I just had on the way home from school. It had me bustin’ stitches.

When my child is sick

I think that one of my least favorite times as a parent, and ironically one of my favorite times as a parent, are those times when Noah gets sick.Obviously it ranks among my least favorite for a lot of reasons. What parent wants their child to suffer? It's heartbreaking to see him become lethargic and lose all energy. I suffer alongside him, knowing that his little brain can't quite comprehend what sickness even is. I get frustrated as he gets frustrated with it. If he's throwing up (which has only happened a couple times), I wince as he's doing it and then I melt when he looks at me with his big wet eyes as if to ask what the heck is going on with his little body.I worry, too. I think all parents worry when their children get sick, especially when they start running high fevers or when they can't hold their food down. What if it's the...

A big lug

All I have to say is, holy crud. When did Noah get to be such a big lug?I've been holding him or carrying him around since he was minutes old.And then.... BOOM. Suddenly he's a big kid.He turns four next month. I can hardly believe it. As fast as you scrolled through those pictures is as fast as those four years seem to have gone by for me. And I've been carrying or holding him a good percentage of that time.Just lately though, he's passed this point where he's officially starting to weigh my arm down while I carry him. I'm finding myself asking him to walk more and more places.Of course, he's resistent to it most of the time. He doesn't understand what his size has to do with anything, and to be honest... being able to carry him around is something I'm really going to miss.I guess every parent has to go through this stage at some point,...

How to put together a 54-piece puzzle in 75 seconds

Let me tell you right now, putting together a 54-piece puzzle is no easy task for a three-year-old. It generally takes the two of us 45 minutes or more.For Christmas, I gave Noah this amazing pack of wooden puzzles since puzzles are our "thing to do" together right now. After doing the same jigsaw puzzle for several weeks, he started begging for more, and let's be honest... Dad needed a change in scenery as well.It's amazing how good he's getting at these things. When we first started doing them about six weeks ago, he had a really hard time comprehending most aspects of puzzle building.At first he couldn't grasp the concept of turning a puzzle piece 90 or 180 degrees to make it fit. He also couldn't understand that each piece was part of a bigger picture, and that each connection had a purpose. But, with each puzzle we put together, he's slowly started putting all the pieces together...

Noah’s traumatization

A few days ago, Noah was in watching a movie while I was in playing on my blog was in the other room doing something SUPER productive. Suddenly a piercing screech had me leaping from my seat to go see what was wrong. It wasn't a simple holler or cry, it was a "daddy come save me before I die" kind of screech. Any parent knows the sound of which I speak because when it happens your heart stops cold in its tracks and every muscle in your body contracts, preparing for the worst.I raced into the family room where Noah had a look of sheer terror on his usually chipper little face. "What's wrong?" I asked. "Daddy, get it out, get it out!" he cried as he held his face. "Get what out?!" My panic was growing. "Daddy, get it out! GET IT OUT!" Tears were streaming down his face.I held his face and asked him to point...

Real Dads Don’t Leave

Single Dad Ranting post today. Sometimes I get so tired of these dads who claim to be "real dads" who leave their kids. And I'm not just talking about the ones who are physically gone...

First letter to Santa

I sat down with Noah to help him write his first letter to Santa Claus. Rather than instruct him how to write it, I just wrote down everything he told me to write down, occasionally steering him back on track when he would mentally wander from the task at hand.Here it is, word for word.Santa’s Deer,Ummm, I’ve been a good boy. I cleaned my bed. I ate all my cereal. I did a good job doing cleaning my toys. I did a good job Santa. I be’d nice. I be’d nice. I be’d nice. I’ll be nice. I’m gonna be nice. I have a tractor and you move the thing right there and then the tractor starts making some tractor sounds.I say please may I please. I just tooted. I did just a good job. Daddy, is that called paper that you’re writing on? I have a little air-o-plane. I put all the cuxchions back on the couch. What’s...

Pumpkin Bread

Noah's preschool teacher is incredible. Miss Gretel astounds me every single day with what and how she teaches Noah and her classroom full of rambunctious three-year-olds. As a parent, she's taught me just how capable Noah's little mind is, even at such an early age. She is genuine and sincere. She is kind, yet keeps things in control. She really is awesome.That being said, awesome has nothing to do with "yuck".To eat, or not to eat? That is the question.Most of you weren't yet following when I admitted to the world that I have a little problem with obsessive compulsive disorder. I do. And it's getting worse. In my post Yuck swapping, I discussed my inability to share food or drinks with children. Let's be honest. No matter how much an adult asks a child to wash up or scrub up, that child is going to (very quickly) find a way to get "yuck" all over those precious little hands again,...

Get Out Your Money!

If you've ever been shopping with a child, you know what it's like to be pounded with a thousand "can I get that" and "can I have this" questions. Well, I've perfected a trick that puts an end to it.

Lessons from MY dad

I won't lie. I still have no idea what I'm doing in the blogging world. Before I started SDL, I had never read more than a handful of other blog posts. I had no idea what to expect, how fast to expect it, or where it could lead. I didn't know if there were a thousand other bloggers or a million other bloggers. I didn't know that there was a process one "must follow" if they are to be successful with blogging. I didn't know that it would take me years to build up a following of a few hundred people.All I knew was that I enjoyed writing. I knew that it might be a great way to take my mind off of the pain of what I was going through. So, away we went, never really expecting anything major to happen.Things started moving very quickly. I was in shock. Good and unexpected things kept happening. I was really excited about...

Dizzy and Deflated

So, they've been constructing this monster of a city park not too far from where we live. They started early this year, and Noah and I have had a lot of fun driving by it every day to see what new and magic developments are taking place.After each pass, we've talked about how drastically this new park is going to increase the fun factor in our lives. We've counted down the days to when we'll get to go crazy on the futuristic playground equipment or run through the splash pad together. We've made plans for our first Tour de France around the bike trail. We've waited with gathered breath for them to install the basketball standards, and we've spent many conversations daydreaming about the moments we'll share learning to dribble and shoot together.Opening day was approaching, and in anticipation, Noah and I went to Walmart and splurged on a youth-size basketball. It wasn't fully inflated, so we bought a little three-dollar pump to go...

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