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Actor Christian Bale was recently turned down by Disney after he pitched a sequel to the cult Disney classic that brought him fame in the early nineties.

HOLLYWOOD — “It’s a beautiful script I came up with,” Bale said. “It fixed some of the elements that the original movie left out.”  Such elements apparently included, “not enough weapons, not enough swearing, and a lame immature kid who gave up his life dream so that he could keep hanging out with poor people.”

After rejecting Bale’s script, a Disney spokesperson called it “Batman in knickers,” and said that it was far too violent for the company to consider. She also said, “Christian Bale in suspenders now just isn’t really cute like it was 20 years ago.”

After his rejection, Bale began dancing and singing ‘Seize the Day’ outside of the Disney offices in protest, and later said that he was perplexed why hundreds of people weren’t immediately joining in like they did during the filming of Newsies. “I thought singing and dancing was how real people bring down bad guys,” he said, lamenting that his tactics had no effect on Disney executives who stood at their windows laughing at his routine.

When asked what he was going to do now that Batman was finished, he said, “There’s not a lot of opportunity for me in Hollywood now. I’ve learned that there’s nowhere left to go once you’ve been a superhero. Except maybe Santa Fe. I have some unfinished business there.”

Dan Pearce, My Fantastic Escape.

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