Single Dad Laughing by Dan Pearce You! Keep being awesome! Fri, 19 Dec 2014 19:21:16 +0000 en-US hourly 1 Must… Survive… Six. More. Days. Fri, 19 Dec 2014 19:20:41 +0000 survive-christmas-thumbI have to be honest. I'm liking the Christmas season less and less as the years go on. These four stories from the past two days are a perfect example why...]]> survive-christmas-thumb

survive-christmasSix days left until Christmas.


Must… Survive… Six. More. Days.

They built these extravagant new shopping outlets between my house and the freeway. Apparently these shops are where everyone in the state of Utah needs to be because what usually is a two minute drive to the interstate is now 15-20, guaranteed. Okay. I can deal. Whatever. Just chill, people. No need to honk your horns and cut each other off. None of us like being stuck in that crap.

Must… Survive… Six. More. Days

Continue reading: Must… Survive… Six. More. Days.

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Scrooge You! Thu, 18 Dec 2014 01:04:09 +0000 scrooge-youI decided to write out a narrative a couple weeks ago as if the Ghost of Christmas Past had visited me. This is what came out. And it has been powerful for me.]]> scrooge-you

scrooge-youI was watching Scrooged a couple weeks ago, and I was sitting there all annoyed and humored thinking, what a serious Class-A WEENIE this guy is.

We all know A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens. Ebenezer Scrooge is this cancerous, miserly, and absolutely awful human being who spreads his coldness to others as often as possible while he grows his own wealth. Jacob Marley, his old, dead business partner visits him and warns him about the heavy outcome his current life will have. Scrooge doesn’t give a flying leap.

Three ghosts come. The ghost of Christmas Past takes Scrooge to see past Christmases where his heart was slowly turned from happiness to dark sludge because of so many hard moments. The ghost of Christmas Present then takes him to see people’s lives when he isn’t around, particularly Bob Cratchit, who has a crippled son. Scrooge learns just how filled with sludge his own heart is, he realizes that everyone is fighting their own great battles, and then who shows up? The ghost of Christmas Yet to Come. This is one mother f***er you don’t mess with but he’ll mess with you. He takes Scrooge to see his own funeral (that’s kind of morbid, Dickens, but awesome) and he overhears all the horrible ways people view him. He wakes up in his own bed, is the best person in the whole world, and goes about spreading wonderfulness to everyone.

Like I said, we all know the story.

And I was sitting there watching, feeling all curmudgeony myself for some reason, and I got to thinking. Why have I never “Scrooged me?” I mean, I’ve seen this story in movies with humans, and movies with Muppets, and satirical remakes of this story. I’ve read the book. I’ve seen it acted out as plays. I’ve enjoyed the story as an essential part of Christmas, in one form or another, every year. But, I’ve never Scrooged myself. And something while watching Scrooged made me want to dig into myself to see just why and how I feel so many of the things I do. Dickens tied everything into different Christmases, but the message is far more profound than that, and Christmas itself really has nothing to do with it.

The next day, I sat down, and I wanted to have some fun, and instead I wrote… this

Continue reading: Scrooge You!

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I am a liar. Officially. Wed, 17 Dec 2014 04:22:05 +0000 i-am-a-liarI... am... a liar. Officially. Today I lied to my son, and it wasn't just some little fib. I looked him in the eyes, and told him a bald... faced... lie.]]> i-am-a-liar

i-am-a-liarI… am… a liar. Officially.

Today I lied to my son, and it wasn’t just some little fib. I straight-up looked him in the eyes, and told him a bald… faced… lie.

We were at the grocery store and I opened the tailgate of our crossover (which I only call a crossover because I don’t think it’s a car, but I don’t want to admit to murdering the world with an SUV).

There, in the back, in all their glory, were all sorts of shopping bags filled with toys. Now, most of them were pink and purple toys which are waiting to be wrapped for a Sub for Santa family (which I only tell you because I love the program, and I highly encourage any of you with means to become a family’s sponsor this year).

But, Noah… somehow he didn’t see any of that

Continue reading: I am a liar. Officially.

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304 MORE Wrong Numbers – HOLIDAY EDITION! Mon, 15 Dec 2014 21:13:32 +0000 wrong-numbers-holiday-thumbALL NEW HOLIDAY EDITION! I sent the same text to 304 random numbers with the request to share a secret thought about Christmas. The replies. Wow. I love people.]]> wrong-numbers-holiday-thumb

You know me, friends. When I’m bored, I like to spend all sorts of time sending texts to unknown numbers and seeing what they reply. I’d call it time well-wasted. I like to see what they will reply to me.

A perfect stranger.

In all the past Wrong Number posts, I’ve tried a few different messages. This time, I wanted to do a holiday edition, and specifically ask what secret thoughts people have about Christmas. I sent this message: “Happy Holidays from a complete stranger!” I’m just wondering… What is the most secret

304 wrong numbers. That’s how many texts I sent this time around, all with the exact same words to totally random people

Continue reading: 304 MORE Wrong Numbers – HOLIDAY EDITION!

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Five Amazingly Funny Moments This Week Fri, 12 Dec 2014 19:54:49 +0000 dan-pearce-runMy week has been chock-full of funny. These five moments (and one heart-pounding moment) from my week will have me laughing for a long time...]]> dan-pearce-run

It’s Friday. We still have a whole Friday after this before the big holiday arrives. I hope everyone has amazing plans tonight that don’t involve elbowing people out of the way in checkout lines and cursing out old people taking a long time on the crosswalk at the mall.

I had five amazingly hilarious moments this week, and one crazy heart-pounding moment…

1) So… I went outside to bring the trashcan in, and the mail carrier was over at the mailboxes sniffing packages. She looked over and saw me and quickly shoved the package into the mailbox. I have never had such awkward eye contact in my life. PS. Please don’t sniff other people’s packages, lady. It’s weird.

dan-pearce-run2) I went for a 2 mile leg-shred run to relieve my stress from the week. This involved running, sprinting, plyometrics, calf raises, hip dips, squats, side shuffles, waking lunges, basketball shots, and more. I kind of invented it as I went since I recently lost access to my personal trainer. I did my squats on top of every cement tower I came across on the run, and when I was on the tallest of all of them, an old man shuffle-jogged by and stopped in front of me. At this point, I was happy and beat and done and I was huffing and puffing and in general just a smiling miserable mess. He watched me for a moment (that wasn’t awkward at all) and when I stopped (because who keeps doing squats when someone stops to watch?) he yelled up to me, “gettin’ ready for the bathroom olympics up there?” I told him, “you betcha,” He chuckled and ran off

Continue reading: Five Amazingly Funny Moments This Week

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All the Best Intentions. At Exactly the Wrong Time. Thu, 11 Dec 2014 20:59:12 +0000 heartbreak-intentionsAs you know, this week started with very real and incredible heartbreak for me. And I think it's pretty funny the completely wrong things people said during it.]]> heartbreak-intentions

heartbreak-intentionsAs you know, this week started with very real and incredible heartbreak for me. And I think it’s pretty funny the things people said during it.

When I got my very first kidney stone, I didn’t know what it was, and I literally thought I was dying.

One moment things were just fine. I remember I was goofing around with my brother at the urinals in a bathroom at the marina of Lake Powell. Now, don’t be weird about that. Brothers goof around anywhere and everywhere. I guarantee he probably pushed me from behind while I was peeing, and I probably pretended to peek over the stall and make some comment about, I don’t know, whatever brothers do to tease each other. And yes, we were both adults.

I just know I was happy. Life was good. I hadn’t a worry in the world. And suddenly, my back started aching. At first it was minor. It just felt like a strained muscle or something, no big deal.

Within four minutes, I was on my hands and knees outside of the bathroom, violently throwing up from the pain which had suddenly consumed me. I had never had pain like that, and I had never felt pain like that. It was like a horned and sharp-toothed monster was trying to violently eat its way out of my innards

Continue reading: All the Best Intentions. At Exactly the Wrong Time.

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In the Heat of Heightened Emotion Wed, 10 Dec 2014 07:34:40 +0000 mad managerWow. Wow, wow, wow. These 21 stories of people doing epically out-of-character things in the height of their emotions had me rolling. HILARIOUS.]]> mad manager

Wow. Wow, wow, wow. Yes.

I asked, and you all delivered. This was the post I made on the SDL Facebook wall.


I really did need a laugh with everything going on.

And… I don’t know if it was because of the state of mind I was in, or because of something else, but I really laughed at your replies on this one. So, thank you… It’s fantastically comforting to know that I’m among such epically crazy peeps.

Here are your (amazing) replies.
mad manager

  1. I may or may not have called the company that makes Jolly Ranchers while on bedrest when I was pregnant with my, now 13yr old, daughter. I went off of the poor person on the other end for twenty or so straight minutes while simultaneously bawling my eyes out because I REALLY missed and NEEDED their discontinued Tropical Punch and Pink Lemonade Jolly Rancher Stixs. Like, NEEDED. I have since noticed the Pink Lemonade ones are back in stores. You are all welcome.
  2. Found out my (now ex) husband was cheating on me so I put sardines in the air vents of his car….in the middle of July….in Texas.
  3. When my husband insisted men are stronger than women (childbirth was the topic of conversation), I challenged him to a rock lifting contest in the back yard. I opened the door and let him walk out ahead of me, then promptly locked the door behind him.
  4. Shortly after becoming a single mom to a small child (still in a carry around baby seat) and struggling to do it all on my own, I loaded everything into the car and went for groceries… When I got back to my car in the pouring rain with a full load, I watched a guy pull in on the baby’s side of my car, so close I couldn’t open the door. He got out and began to walk away. I nicely asked him to move so I could get the seat in and he muttered an obscenity and walked away… I managed to maneuver the seat in from the other side, got the stroller in, loaded the groceries, and when it was done I closed the door and stood in the downpour and cried…. Then the evil woman in me quickly took over as I pulled off both of his windshield wipers and tucked them in my trunk and drove away… Smiling. It rained hard for another 3 hours and the closest automotive parts store was a good 20 min walk! You don’t mess with a mama bear
  5. I once took my dog’s stocking down after he knocked over our Christmas tree. That showed him!
  6. I sprinkled unflavored Kool aid packets on my ex’s light colored berber carpet when I moved out knowing full well he had scheduled carpet cleaning 3 days later!
  7. I sent my satellite television provider an email about being wronged and told them I typed it all with my middle finger only.
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Humaning is Hard Sometimes Tue, 09 Dec 2014 19:07:16 +0000 dan-pearce-single-dad-laughingLast night, in the abyss of craziness that my mind was, I shared what I was feeling in the aftermath of my breakup... Today... I don't know...]]> dan-pearce-single-dad-laughing

dan-pearce-single-dad-laughingMy alarm went off this morning at 8:50 AM and I lay there with impossibly heavy and puffy eyes for the longest time before I could finally open them. I only set an alarm so that I wouldn’t stay in bed all day.

Humaning is hard sometimes.

As I lay there with those closed, heavy, puffy eyes, one thought kept circulating in and out of my vast rotation of thoughts which were ranging from I want to die, to Yes, life is going to be SO good and YAY for new beginnings, to I never want to move again, to I want to go do a triathlon right this second! The thought which kept popping in and out of all of it was, Oh my God, why would I share what I wrote last night?

Humaning is hard sometimes.

Other thoughts pressed heavier and heavier against my eyes. I want to make so many bad decisions right now. SO many. And, you’re strong, man, time to make all the healthiest, best decisions ever! Also, I will never, ever, ever love again, and My god, I just want to be loved right now by anyone.

Humaning is hard sometimes

Continue reading: Humaning is Hard Sometimes

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The 1000 Feelings of a Broken Heart Tue, 09 Dec 2014 05:03:58 +0000 heartbrokenpostI just broke up with my girlfriend a few hours ago. I don't know what else to do or where to turn than to write what I'm feeling right now...]]> heartbrokenpost

heartbrokenpostWhat do you do when the only person whose hug you feel can heal you is the one you just lost?

What do you do when you feel love, hate, anger, and compassion, all toward the same person and all at the same time?

What do you do when your heart hurts so much that you want to just disappear from existence until there is no heart left inside of you to feel anything anymore.

How is it possible to know you will never be right with someone, yet want it to work so badly anyway?

How do you decipher between simultaneous feelings of deep loss, feelings of freedom, feelings of worthlessness, and feelings of finding yourself once more?

How do you decode the things being said at the relationship’s demise as either sincere or maybe just reactionary to the place of hurt from whence they came?

What do you do when you feel the sting of failure at the same time that you feel the sting of relief?

What do you do when you feel lost at the same time that you feel you have found yourself once more?

What do you do when you want to shout out amazing and incredible and kind things at the same time you want to unleash hurtful and vicious and mean things

Continue reading: The 1000 Feelings of a Broken Heart

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That Was Weird. Real Weird. Mon, 08 Dec 2014 06:32:17 +0000 dan-pearceI was out in my garage wearing nothing but... well... some stuff. And then something truly weird happened. My garage seems to be the place for that lately...]]> dan-pearce



That was weird. Real Weird.

I was just in my garage (a place which seems to be the scene for weird things lately), climbing awkwardly over my Harley since I parked it too far back after my last ride, leaving me no space to get around it.

I needed a bottle of cold water. They were on the other side.

Did I mention that I was in my underwear?

Well, not just my underwear, you pervs. I was wearing flip flops, too.

And a beanie.

And… I don’t know.

Yes. Fine. All that is true.

Flip flops. Undies. Beanie. Deal with it. In the privacy of my home I do whatever the hell I want. And that includes dressing for the current temperature

Continue reading: That Was Weird. Real Weird.

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A Father & Son Project that Has Taken Us to Hell and Back Fri, 05 Dec 2014 22:55:32 +0000 flappy-unleashedNoah and I set out to create a new smart phone game together. We had *no* idea what we were getting into. It's been a crazy six months, but the game is here!]]> flappy-unleashed

I don’t know whether to laugh, or cry, or maybe just craugh on my way to the crazy bin…

This was supposed to take 30 days max. This was supposed to be no more than a couple thousand bucks.


I’m not being dramatic. About six months ago, when I was neck deep into the development of the SDL App (another app you still have yet to see), I was telling Noah all about what I was working on, and he blurted out that he *really* wanted to build an app with me. Not thinking for a second we’d actually do it, I asked him what we would build. He was sitting on his bed playing Flappy Bird, and he said, “we should build a Flappy where we are the characters.”

Well. Hm. That couldn’t cost too much, could it? It’d be fun to surprise him with it inside of my SDL app as part of it, I thought. Why not. The SDL app wasn’t going to be done any time soon. Surely Flappy was the easiest game ever created from a development standpoint.

But see, somehow, that escalated into the two of us sitting at my desk with crayons and paper, brainstorming way more fantastic things that could happen inside the Flappy Game.


Soon we had all these amazing ideas for rockets, and coins, and trickier maneuvers, and force fields, and juggernaut mode, and pipe gap spreaders, and giant pipes that suck you in. We got more than a little bit excited about our game, and I hired someone to build it for me.

30 Days Later, the developer delivered the biggest joke of an app I had ever seen in my life. Nothing we had asked for, and a Flappy that just kind of floated across the tops of the pipes without ever going up or down. What the…


Developer fired. Half my money for the app gone.

But we were set on making this game happen, so I found another developer, this time one who had a much better track record for game creation. She promised it in 30 days. We got excited.

And… shoot. That was five months ago.


I cannot even begin to tell you what those months have entailed. First building it for iOS and then for Android. Many late nights discussing things with my developer though quite a language barrier. My developer disappearing at points. Complete miscommunications. Dozens and dozens and dozens of builds to test on nine different devices.

iOS finally came to fruition.

Apple peeps. This game is pretty solid. There are only a handful of phones and a few iPads to make it work awesomely with. Your device components, memory, and innards are fantastic.

Then Android.

Oh, my Android peeps. Do you have any idea how much I have grown to not appreciate your devices.

There are over 7,000 Android devices. All with different screen resolutions and densities. Anyone in the world can slap together an Android device, and development is a nightmare.

For most of you this game will work marvelously. For others of you, well… you’re at the mercy of the device you’re using. Sorry about that. We did our best. And if you find that your Flappy is flying really slow, or doing backflips into oblivion, or jumping off the screen and eating your goldfish crackers (don’t ask me where that came from), just do me a favor. Give us a proverbial pat on the shoulder and say, “there there, they tried.”

I’m doing a good job selling this, aren’t I.


Oh, Noah.

Noah, Noah, Noah. He has been a champ through all of this. He has endlessly helped me test the game. He has been a moral support. He came up with tons of the ideas himself.

Yesterday I told him that the game was finally approved. He literally screamed at the top of his lungs, jumped up and down repeatedly, and yelled, “OH MY GOSH, I REALLY HOPE PEOPLE TRY IT!!!” I could feel the relief come over him the way it finally has over me.

That’s the story. This, along with my other apps (two of which I really hope to show you before Christmas) have drained just about all of my soul from me. I don’t think, in my entire life, I have ever felt stretched so thin.

Do us a favor. Try them out! Give ‘em a go!

And try out Flappy Unleashed!

Noah is so excited to see how many of you play it, what the ratings are, and what your favorite parts of the game are. PLEASE, comment on the Facebook link and either show him a screenshot of your favorite part of the game, or tell him what a good job he did. He will be lost in heaven for hours reading those.

It’s done.

Will you download it? It’s been the father & son project that has taken us to hell and back. And we are so excited to let you try it…

There is a free and a full version.

Free version is ad-supported. Full version has 500 bonus coins, costs $1.99 (you’d be our heroes), and has no ads at all.

It’s available for all iOS iPhone 4 and later, and it’s available for iPads.



For Android, it is available for thousands of devices. See if yours is there!



You guys, thank you for supporting us. Thank you, thank you, thank you. These apps are a huge part of keeping SDL going. This is a fun one. The next two are amazing. All the help you can give us in making them rise to the top of the app store, 5 star reviews, and getting the in-app purchases or paid versions of the app would be forever life changing.

I love you all.

I’m going to breathe now.

I haven’t in about 11 months.


Oh… and here is an awesome video Noah and I made last night! He really wanted to tell you all about the game!

Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing

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39 Incredible Christmas FAILS Wed, 03 Dec 2014 06:28:23 +0000 christmas-fail-38These Christmas fails. Yes. I'll admit. I was laughing. Hard. Today let's laugh together at all the crazy that Christmas in this world (often accidentally) is.]]> christmas-fail-38

I sat down to write a hilarious blog post to share with you all.

Instead, while in my attempts to put my mood solidly into the right place before I did, I got sucked into the hilarity that is the Internet. I won’t share all of what I found with you. My search history during the last two hours was… weird to say the least. Many of you would question me as a human being if you saw it.

But the Christmas Fails half hour of that weirdness? Absolutely.

Enjoy. These are 39 of the funniest Christmas fails I came across as I was doing everything but working for the past two hours. You know. Since I didn’t get that blog post written and since it’s fun to laugh at the all the crazy that this world (often accidentally) is….

39 Incredible Christmas FAILS




Continue reading: 39 Incredible Christmas FAILS

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The Old Woman at Walmart – A Follow Up Tue, 02 Dec 2014 19:07:11 +0000 dan-pearceThe responses to the Old Woman at Walmart post were everywhere. Love and hate and everything in between abounded. I am tired. This is my response...]]> dan-pearce

Wow, what a response and reaction so far to yesterday’s post, “An Open Letter to Walmart and Those Involved with This Story.

Many of you had such incredible ideas of how I could still help the old woman even after all of management and their sidekicks made it impossible. Some of you had really, really good ideas. Like, the kind of ideas which would make this world a thousand times better place and which would have made this whole thing with this old woman a hundred thousand times better. Awesome.

Some of you had creepy ideas, like “wait for her in the parking lot until she’s off of work, then follow her to wherever she goes next, and surprise her there.” I get the spirit behind it. But come on peeps. Creepy.

dan-pearceSome of you told me me that you were disappointed in me for leaving without waiting in the parking lot until all hours of the night for the old woman to get off work. Ick. I just love internet quarterbacking of past moments in life.

Some of you made sure I knew just what a schmuck I was for how I handled it, how wrongly I handled it, and what grief I caused this woman and others. Ick. That was the number two reason I didn’t want to share that blog post at all. It was inevitable.

Some of you (lots and lots of you, actually) applauded me for my attempted generosity. Ick. That was the number one reason I didn’t want to share that blog post at all. I tend to be a quiet giver. I really didn’t want that. Like, at all.

It was never supposed to be about me.



I felt the story was more important than any amazing or crazy feedback I got from it.

Don’t should on me, please.

I didn’t share that story to have my own generosity (or attempt thereat) scrutinized. Good gracious. That is completely my thing. It has nothing to do with anyone else. At all. Had there been any system in place at all which would have let me give to her, none of you ever would have heard about it, no matter how high up the command chain I had to go.

The reasons I didn’t wait around for her to get off of work are my reasons and no one else’s. I really don’t need to share that with the world.

The reasons I don’t want to start a GoFundMe page for her like so many people have requested are my reasons and no one else’s. I really don’t need to share that with the world.

Here’s some truth…

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An Open Letter to Walmart and Those Involved with This Story Mon, 01 Dec 2014 23:37:34 +0000 Portrait of a lonely old woman. Caring for the Elderly.The following story is true. It happened last Friday. Black Friday. And I am really disappointed in Walmart and others for their complete lack of humanity...]]> Portrait of a lonely old woman. Caring for the Elderly.

Portrait of a lonely old woman. Caring for the Elderly.To whom it may concern at Walmart,

The following story is completely true, and I want you to please take my role completely out of it as you read it. I was simply there, as part of what was going on. This has nothing to do with me, and everything to do with humanity (at so many levels). I simply don’t know how to tell this story without sharing my role in it.

My girlfriend and I, on our last legs trying to find something we needed to finish a project, made our way into a Walmart in Taylorsville, Utah. This was last Friday. Black Friday as some people call it. Being in that store was very close to the last place we wanted to be that night, but… when the need calls for it, and all that stuff…

We found what we needed, and entered the long lines at checkout. When we got into our line, we hadn’t yet noticed that it was moving much slower than the other lines, but we soon would. Eventually, my girlfriend gasped in astonishment. I looked over at her and she just stood shaking her head, looking past me. “No one that old should ever have to work, let along on a day like this in a place like this.

Continue reading: An Open Letter to Walmart and Those Involved with This Story

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My 10 Step Plan to Be Awesome Again Wed, 26 Nov 2014 06:32:05 +0000 dan-pearce-single-dad-laughingSomehow I all but stopped being the way more awesome version of me that I usually am... Time to take matters into my own hands.]]> dan-pearce-single-dad-laughing


If I could sum up the awesome aftermath of the last blog post (you know, the one where I confess to being stuck all depressed and not awesome in my sweatpants), it would be this…

I read a nice comment from one of you after I posted the blog entry.

Then, I mustered all the energy I had to think the best thought I could think in that moment.


I read another nice comment.

I mustered more energy.


I read a different and really nice comment with some really good advice.

That deserved the most positive energy of all. For sure.


Continue reading: My 10 Step Plan to Be Awesome Again

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