Single Dad Laughing http://www.danoah.com You! Keep being awesome! Mon, 28 Jul 2014 06:01:39 +0000 en-US hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.9.1 Monday’s Random Ramblings – The Dummy & His Motorcycle http://www.danoah.com/2014/07/mondays-random-ramblings-the-dummy-his-motorcycle.html http://www.danoah.com/2014/07/mondays-random-ramblings-the-dummy-his-motorcycle.html#comments Mon, 28 Jul 2014 06:01:39 +0000 http://www.danoah.com/?p=45813 dan-pearce-whos-your-daddyIt's kind of inevitable that this would happen right? Also... something about Alka-Seltzer, a 2-year old, and a fish tank.]]> dan-pearce-whos-your-daddy

dan-pearce-whos-your-daddy

Every Monday I free-write whatever comes to mind.

I can’t promise you quality. I can’t promise you the feels. I can’t promise you anything, really. Except that it will always be raw, it will always be unedited, it will always be all over the place, and it will always be me. Oh, and it will always be done in my pajamas. Always. Because that’s how I roll.

Hmmm. What to talk about today…

How about… I don’t know… motorcycles?

I went to Mom and Dad’s house for dinner last night. My aunt was over there. “Who’s the dummy who drove the motorcycle over here?”

I looked at her and bit my tongue. Who *rode* that bike, I wanted to say.

You don’t drive a motorcycle.

I also wondered if she remembered six months ago how she repeatedly told me I was stupid, stupid, stupid for getting a bike. It was the last time I saw her. Apparently she didn’t remember her rant, probably because she’s given it a few times to other people since.

“So you admit you’re dumb!” she said when she saw me nod, acknowledging that the big fat murderous Harley sitting in the driveway was mine.

“I admit that you think I’m dumb,” I said trying not to be annoyed. It was admittedly a super lame comeback. I could have done better.

“WELL, YOU’RE DUMB! YOU’RE GOING TO DIE!” Again I bit my tongue. I really didn’t want to get into it with her. I learned long ago that there are certain people who just can’t be educated about motorcycle safety and actual motorcycle statistics. They have it in their heads that anyone who rides a motorcycle is signing his own death warrant.

I don’t get it.

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This is Beautiful You http://www.danoah.com/2014/07/this-is-beautiful-you-128.html http://www.danoah.com/2014/07/this-is-beautiful-you-128.html#comments Sun, 27 Jul 2014 06:01:59 +0000 http://www.danoah.com/?p=45775 This-Is-Beautiful-You-528Every Sunday I take the photos of you and the people you love, and I share them here because, well, I think we're all pretty dang beautiful.]]> This-Is-Beautiful-You-528

Finally, my favorite post of the week!

Every Sunday morning I take some of the photos that you have uploaded to the Single Dad Laughing Facebook wall, and I post them here.

I love This is Beautiful You because it gives me (and everyone else) an incredible glimpse of who we all are. It puts a face on the awesome people coming here. It gives us a beautiful idea of the uniqueness and diversity of the community here at SDL. And, more than anything, it shows all of us just how beautiful we each really are.

Thank you for sharing a small part of yourselves. It’s my honor to put the spotlight on you today. This is beautiful you.

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Continue reading: This is Beautiful You

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Pulled from the Truth Box – Week 34 http://www.danoah.com/2014/07/pulled-from-the-truth-box-week-34.html http://www.danoah.com/2014/07/pulled-from-the-truth-box-week-34.html#comments Fri, 25 Jul 2014 06:01:46 +0000 http://www.danoah.com/?p=44836 Truth BoxRemember. We're all fighting our own great battles. These are the secrets you've never told anyone. And what everyone else believes is the truth.]]> Truth Box

Truth Box

“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle.” ~Philo of Alexandria

After 21 years of self-destructive inner-battles, I finally admitted my biggest secret to myself and to the rest of the world. That day, and the day my son was born, were the two most incredible and wonderful days of my life.

Here on Single Dad Laughing, I started what I call “The Truth Box.” I asked you all to anonymously share a difficult secret that you’ve never told anyone. There were only two sections to fill out on the form. “What everyone thinks is true,” and “what actually is true.” More than six thousand secrets were shared. Every month I try and share 60 of them here. Completely random and exactly as they came in.

These truths aren’t meant to entertain. They aren’t meant to bring us down, either. They’re just an incredible and poignant (though sometimes heavy) reminder that we all are fighting our own great battles.

Pulled from the Truth Box: Week 34

Continue reading: Pulled from the Truth Box – Week 34

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A Big Fat Day of THAT http://www.danoah.com/2014/07/a-big-fat-day-of-that-4.html http://www.danoah.com/2014/07/a-big-fat-day-of-that-4.html#comments Thu, 24 Jul 2014 06:01:35 +0000 http://www.danoah.com/?p=45041 big-fat-day-of-that-06See that? Yeah. I blame THAT. For all of THIS...]]> big-fat-day-of-that-06

See THAT? Yeah. I blame THAT. THAT got way too long, so it was time for an appointment with Lisa.

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THAT is what time I got there. My appointment was at 12. I am the most prompt person on earth. THAT is proof.

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When I got out of my car, I saw THAT. What the heck is THAT doing in the parking lot? THAT is creeping me out for some reason.

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THAT is my favorite cupcake place. And I haven’t had one in months. I have goals, people!

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THAT is common around here. Nobody stops at crosswalks for pedestrians.

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THAT is the most gay outfit I’ve worn in ages

Continue reading: A Big Fat Day of THAT

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Is This How Phobias are Born? http://www.danoah.com/2014/07/is-this-how-phobias-are-born.html http://www.danoah.com/2014/07/is-this-how-phobias-are-born.html#comments Wed, 23 Jul 2014 06:01:54 +0000 http://www.danoah.com/?p=45769 spider-on-faceThe events of this one late night and one tiny spider, would traumatize my child. Possibly forever. And can I blame him? I'd be terrified if I saw what he did.]]> spider-on-face

spider-on-hand

For some reason, spiders love to build webs right over the automatic door sensor in our garage.

The first time it happened, Noah and I had just pulled in after a long trip. It was late. I just wanted to go to bed. I hit the garage door to close it. It did one of those little three-inch-close, halt, grind-back-up moves. I tried it again. And again. Same thing. Something was blocking the sensors. I went and checked. Nothing seemed to be blocking the damned thing. I stood like an idiot for another five minutes trying to get it to close, groaning and grunting at the timing. Multiple trips to adjust and unblock the sensor produced no results. Then, finally, I looked close at the sensor and noticed that there was a thick white web filling the hole where the laser beam shoots out.

I grabbed a screwdriver and war-cried death to whatever spider was ruining my entire life. Noah stood entranced above me, watching the ordeal. And that’s when it happened. I poked a hole into the thick tiny web. A tiny little spider, no bigger than half my pinky fingernail, jumped out of the hole, straight at my face. I shrieked out some cross between what I think was an f-bomb, mixed with a girlie scream, mixed with a manly “whoa.” I swatted at it, knocked it to the ground, and executed it with the end of the screwdriver. There was no fair trial.

This caused Noah to fill with dread that the spider wasn’t actually dead or that there might be more of them. Dread for Noah included crying, dancing a jig, and grunting an even manlier “whoa” than I had, all at the same time

Continue reading: Is This How Phobias are Born?

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Better than the Original Lyrics. Well, funnier anyway. http://www.danoah.com/2014/07/better-than-the-original-lyrics-well-funnier-anyway.html http://www.danoah.com/2014/07/better-than-the-original-lyrics-well-funnier-anyway.html#comments Tue, 22 Jul 2014 06:01:35 +0000 http://www.danoah.com/?p=45252 misheard lyricsThank you. For making me laugh. And laugh. And laugh at the lyrics you've sang wrong your entire life, to all of these classic songs!]]> misheard lyrics

misheard lyrics

Over on the Single Dad Laughing Facebook page, I asked you what were the funniest lyrics you misheard.

LOL. Thank you. For making me laugh. And laugh. And laugh.

  1. “Dirty deeds DONE TO SHEEP” instead of “Dirty deeds done dirt cheap.”
  2. “She’s got electric boobs, and no hair too, you know I read it in a maga….gazeeene…oh ho, ba ba ba benny and the jets.”
  3. Bryan Adams – I got my first real sex dream… Should be first real six string.
  4. “Every time you go away, you take a piece of meat with you…” lol
  5. Sir Mix A Lot’s ‘Baby Got Back’; I thought it said, “Ooh, Rumpelstilskin” instead of “Ooh, rub her smooth skin”. Rappers are always saying weird crap, so I didn’t think twice about it.
  6. I thought Toby Keith sang “Wearing my sex suit, riding my pony on a cattle drive.” Instead of wearing my six shooter.
  7. “My body lies over the ocean, my body lies over the sea. My body lies over the ocean, o bring back my body to me.” Took me years to find out why my mom always laughed at me when I sang it.
  8. “You can dance if you want to, you can leave your PANTS behind. ‘Cause your PANTS don’t dance, and if they don’t dance, then they ain’t no PANTS of mine.”
  9. My husband was convinced that Alanis Morrisette’s song “You Oughta Know” said “The cross eyed baby that you gave to me”, instead of “The cross I bear that you gave to me.” I nearly fell out if my chair when I heard him singing that. lol!
  10. “I love rock n roll! Put another dime in my juice box baby!”
  11. My Aunt used to sing, “Gimme the Beach Boys and free my soul, I wanna get lost in your rock & roll….” BEAT BOYS. lol
  12. There’s a bathroom on the right. It’s supposed to be There’s a bad moon on the rise.
  13. Zach Brown Band’s Knee Deep……”she got too close so I farted.” Errrrr….make that “she got too close so I fought it”. Lol
  14. My son used to sing ” Sitting on a taco all day”. Instead of sitting on the dock of the bay! Cracked us up forever!
  15. My sister at 3 years-old sang; “Ba ba black seep have you any woo? Yes Sir, yes Sir, free bags fool. One for my master, one for my date, and one for the little boy who cried in the lake.”
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Monday’s Random Ramblings – Freak Feet & Filled-Up Phones http://www.danoah.com/2014/07/mondays-random-ramblings-freak-feet-filled-up-phones.html http://www.danoah.com/2014/07/mondays-random-ramblings-freak-feet-filled-up-phones.html#comments Mon, 21 Jul 2014 17:54:53 +0000 http://www.danoah.com/?p=45765 dan-pearce-single-dad-laughingMy feet. The bane of my existence. I have a little problem most people don't have, mostly due to my gargantuan size... Today let's talk about that and a couple other things. Haha.]]> dan-pearce-single-dad-laughing

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Continue reading: Monday’s Random Ramblings – Freak Feet & Filled-Up Phones

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This is Beautiful You http://www.danoah.com/2014/07/this-is-beautiful-you-127.html http://www.danoah.com/2014/07/this-is-beautiful-you-127.html#comments Sun, 20 Jul 2014 06:01:28 +0000 http://www.danoah.com/?p=45690 This-Is-Beautiful-You-371Every Sunday I take the photos of you and the people you love, and I share them here because, well, I think we're all pretty dang beautiful.]]> This-Is-Beautiful-You-371

Finally, my favorite post of the week!

Every Sunday morning I take some of the photos that you have uploaded to the Single Dad Laughing Facebook wall, and I post them here.

I love This is Beautiful You because it gives me (and everyone else) an incredible glimpse of who we all are. It puts a face on the awesome people coming here. It gives us a beautiful idea of the uniqueness and diversity of the community here at SDL. And, more than anything, it shows all of us just how beautiful we each really are.

Thank you for sharing a small part of yourselves. It’s my honor to put the spotlight on you today. This is beautiful you.

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Continue reading: This is Beautiful You

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Wow. Not Even a Little Cardboardy. http://www.danoah.com/2014/07/wow-not-even-a-little-cardboardy.html http://www.danoah.com/2014/07/wow-not-even-a-little-cardboardy.html#comments Fri, 18 Jul 2014 22:04:17 +0000 http://www.danoah.com/?p=45748 cheerios-proteinI never have understood why so many high protein things taste like cardboard...]]> cheerios-protein

cheerios-protein

I should probably mention three things. First, this is a sponsored blog post. Cheerio’s paid me good money to blog about their new Cheerios Protein a couple of times this summer. Second, I refused to do it unless I was absolutely sold on them first. Third, that wasn’t hard to do. At all. Turns out they’re like Honey Nut Cheerios all bulked up with other clusters of good stuff, and just as tasty. And who doesn’t like Honey Nut Cheerios?

I don’t know why I expected something kind of, I don’t know… cardboardy when I tasted them. I’ve excitedly bought other high protein breakfast cereals in the recent past and have not been impressed at all. But these things are not only loaded with protein, they taste so good that Noah has been pounding them nonstop. That makes me a happy daddy because I usually spend five minutes every shopping trip telling him every sugary cereal that I’m not going to buy.

I never have understood why so many high protein things taste like cardboard.

I live a pretty active life full of high-intensity exercise and I require a lot of protein to get through. Living at home, it’s pretty easy. I can cook eggs galore, and steaks, and chicken, and pop a can of tuna in a pinch. I can down the nuts like nobody’s business. I can eat peanut butter by the spoonfuls.

None of that stuff tastes like cardboard. None of that has the texture of cardboard.

So why is it that when I’ve bought protein bars, or other protein promising snacks, they usually taste like they were manufactured with recycled boxes? And why is it that when I’ve bought these new high protein cereals in the past, they have tasted like they’ve got dried insects or something mixed in? The world just hasn’t done a good job with go-to protein that I have seen. Not compared to the real thing. As we speak, I have a roast cooking in my slow cooker which will feed me incredibly high protein for the next three days because, three-day old roast is usually better than anything that comes in a box.

For that reason, I wasn’t just pleased as punch that the Cheerios Protein were excellent in the taste and texture department (seriously, not even a little cardboardy)  but I literally did a double backflip about it.

Okay, truth in advertising says I can’t say that.

I did a single backflip.

Okay, truth in advertising says that’s a lie too. Apparently I’m supposed to be honest.

I’m too fat to do a backflip.

God. Why’d you make me have to say it out loud. So rude. Let me dream, people. Let me dream.

Wow. This got derailed. I was going to write a blog post about reading the backs of cereal boxes. Guess I’ll save that for next time.

For now, I’ll give you my two big thumbs up for Cheerios Protein and encourage you to try it. You know. If you don’t like eating cardboard.

Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing

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OMG. Shocked Babies. Terrified Babies. Evil Plotting Babies! http://www.danoah.com/2014/07/omg-shocked-babies-terrified-babies-evil-plotting-babies.html http://www.danoah.com/2014/07/omg-shocked-babies-terrified-babies-evil-plotting-babies.html#comments Fri, 18 Jul 2014 06:01:01 +0000 http://www.danoah.com/?p=44628 cute-funny-baby-68Blah day turned into HAPPY DAY. Just. Like. That. These baby pics of yours have to be just about the best antidepressants ever.]]> cute-funny-baby-68

When I’m feeling a little glum, there is one go-to to cure it. Every time!

BABIES!

Haha. And it had been a long time since I shared YOUR awesome baby pics. So here they are (batch #3 of 3!). Shocked babies. Terrified babies. Evil plotting babies. And lots of other amazing babies, too.

Blah day turned into HAPPY DAY. Just. Like. That. Again! (Secret of mine… I save these posts for my blah days, haha).

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Continue reading: OMG. Shocked Babies. Terrified Babies. Evil Plotting Babies!

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How Does a Dad Explain Something Like That? http://www.danoah.com/2014/07/how-does-a-dad-explain-something-like-that.html http://www.danoah.com/2014/07/how-does-a-dad-explain-something-like-that.html#comments Thu, 17 Jul 2014 11:12:45 +0000 http://www.danoah.com/?p=45675 noah-pearce-missing-toothIt was supposed to be a cute picture for his mom, showing off the new hole in his grin. No fuss, just a happy moment. I still don't really get what happened next...]]> noah-pearce-missing-tooth

Do you see this picture?

Right here?

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This was the picture which started the snowball which would end in a puddle of tears, frustration, and unresolved hubbub.

That picture.

Right there.

It was supposed to be a quick and cute picture to send his mom, showing off the brand new minutes-old hole in his grin. No fuss. Just a genuine, happy moment.

Why it wasn’t just that, I’ll never know. Maybe he was sleep-deprived. Maybe he was hungry. Maybe the anxiety and fear of dad yanking out a tooth that was suddenly half-dangling had put his mind into an overly vulnerable place. Maybe it was the unease he was feeling over the blood he had just seen in his mouth. Blood always makes him so uneasy. He would starve to death if ever turned vampire.

Whatever it was, and maybe it was nothing above or a combination of everything, but whatever it was, let’s just say… I wasn’t prepared

Continue reading: How Does a Dad Explain Something Like That?

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25 More of the CREEPIEST Things Ever Said by Kids http://www.danoah.com/2014/07/25-more-of-the-creepiest-things-ever-said-by-kids-3.html http://www.danoah.com/2014/07/25-more-of-the-creepiest-things-ever-said-by-kids-3.html#comments Wed, 16 Jul 2014 06:01:12 +0000 http://www.danoah.com/?p=45666 Doll issued a sea shoreIf you have kids, you know that sometimes they say things that creep you the heck out. These are 25 (more) of my favorite "creepy" kid stories.]]> Doll issued a sea shore

Doll issued a sea shore

Over on the SDL Facebook wall, I once asked you what the creepiest thing was that you’ve ever heard a kid say.

I had no idea what to expect. What I got would floor me.

And from that… the most creepy, most amazing, series was born. Enjoy today’s batch of stories, brought to you by you. They’re…. amazing

Continue reading: 25 More of the CREEPIEST Things Ever Said by Kids

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My Quarterly Confession Session http://www.danoah.com/2014/07/my-quarterly-confession-session-3.html http://www.danoah.com/2014/07/my-quarterly-confession-session-3.html#comments Tue, 15 Jul 2014 06:43:18 +0000 http://www.danoah.com/?p=45634 confession-session-06Because... being human is more fun when we all do it together, and frankly... I love my life. Even all the oddities and weirdnesses and stupid things I do.]]> confession-session-06

This is my quarterly confession session. Because… being human is more fun when we all do it together, and frankly… I love my life. Even all the oddities and weirdnesses and silly or stupid things I do.

Here we go…

Continue reading: My Quarterly Confession Session

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Monday’s Random Ramblings – Our Cow on the Cruise Ship http://www.danoah.com/2014/07/mondays-random-ramblings-our-cow-on-the-cruise-ship.html http://www.danoah.com/2014/07/mondays-random-ramblings-our-cow-on-the-cruise-ship.html#comments Mon, 14 Jul 2014 06:01:09 +0000 http://www.danoah.com/?p=45620 monday-ramblingsI still can't believe the bad karma that nailed me for stealing a couple of chocolates from a turn-down cart in the hallway...]]> monday-ramblings

monday-ramblings

Every Monday I free-write whatever comes to mind.

I can’t promise you quality. I can’t promise you the feels. I can’t promise you anything, really. Except that it will always be raw, it will always be unedited, it will always be all over the place, and it will always be me. Oh, and it will always be done in my pajamas. Always. Because that’s how I roll.

Hmmm. What to talk about today…

How about the strangenesses, wonderosities, and quirktations of cruises?

Yes, I just took Noah on a cruise. Yes, I just made up three words in a single sentence. Yes, I am writing this on four hours of sleep while I down a bottled iced coffee. Get over it. Life is such.

Anyway, where were we? Oh, yes. Strangenesses, wonderosities, and quirktations.

Let’s start with the food.

Have you ever been on a cruise? Let me explain how it works. They have food. They have luxury food. And they have unlimited amounts of luxury food. Or so the theory goes. Apparently some cruise ship recently got stuck on the high seas for weeks and the passengers were down to celery soup by the time they were all rescued. That cruise is not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about almost every other cruise that doesn’t break down or capsize or whatever happens to the naughty cruise ships

Continue reading: Monday’s Random Ramblings – Our Cow on the Cruise Ship

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This is Beautiful You http://www.danoah.com/2014/07/this-is-beautiful-you-126.html http://www.danoah.com/2014/07/this-is-beautiful-you-126.html#comments Sun, 13 Jul 2014 06:01:05 +0000 http://www.danoah.com/?p=45388 This-Is-Beautiful-You-806Every Sunday I take the photos of you and the people you love, and I share them here because, well, I think we're all pretty dang beautiful.]]> This-Is-Beautiful-You-806

Finally, my favorite post of the week!

Every Sunday morning I take some of the photos that you have uploaded to the Single Dad Laughing Facebook wall, and I post them here.

I love This is Beautiful You because it gives me (and everyone else) an incredible glimpse of who we all are. It puts a face on the awesome people coming here. It gives us a beautiful idea of the uniqueness and diversity of the community here at SDL. And, more than anything, it shows all of us just how beautiful we each really are.

Thank you for sharing a small part of yourselves. It’s my honor to put the spotlight on you today. This is beautiful you.

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Continue reading: This is Beautiful You

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