Single Dad Laughing by Dan Pearce http://www.danoah.com You! Keep being awesome! Thu, 30 Oct 2014 16:33:24 +0000 en-US hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=4.0 Defeating Defeated http://www.danoah.com/2014/10/defeating-defeated.html http://www.danoah.com/2014/10/defeating-defeated.html#comments Thu, 30 Oct 2014 16:31:11 +0000 http://www.danoah.com/?p=47022 tough-mudder-letterIn a state of defeat and discouragement for how Tough Mudder ended for me, this is what my girlfriend did to help me put things into major perspective...]]> tough-mudder-letter

CONTINUED FROM YESTERDAY. CLICK HERE FOR ALL POSTS IN THIS SERIES.

tough-mudder-letterIn the end, it was a stupid mistake which snowballed into the ending it did for me at this London Tough Mudder.

I accidentally took too much sweating medication in the blackness of the night. That medication dried me out so badly that no amount of water could quench my thirst during the race. Consuming too much water in an attempt to quench that thirst depleted my body of salt which caused muscle cramps in my legs, made worse by the coldness of everything. I drank more water (so much more water) during the 12-mile course to try and help my cramps. My cramps got worse because water wasn’t the problem, salt deficiency was, and I was only making it worse by depleting my body of salt even further. The massive amounts of water in my system then chilled my body from the inside out each time I submerged into the icy cold waters of the different obstacles, causing hypothermia. The pain of the cramps was excruciating. Shock from that hypothermia as I got uncontrollably colder set in. And that is how I ended up in the situation I was in. Simple science.

It wasn’t lack of training. It wasn’t lack of physical ability. It wasn’t an inability to finish Tough Mudder with my brother the way I had intended. It was one stupid mistake and then a plethora of well-intentioned mistakes to follow which did me in. But, I didn’t really understand that until much later when a team of doctors laid it out for me.

What I do know is that, as I mentioned in the last blog post, I left the race feeling defeated. I had finished the Tough Mudder, sure. But it did not go as planned, at all. I didn’t get my glorious finish alongside my brother. For all intents and purposes, I had paid a crud-load of money to fly across an ocean and get my ass handed to me. I didn’t want to talk about it. I didn’t want to remember it. I didn’t want to admit it to anyone or blog about it. I just wanted to get back to my brother’s home, FaceTime with my girlfriend, and try and find some sort of comfort in my defeat.

But, see, she wasn’t having it, and wow did I try to rally her to my defeated cause

Continue reading: Defeating Defeated

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Defeated http://www.danoah.com/2014/10/defeated.html http://www.danoah.com/2014/10/defeated.html#comments Wed, 29 Oct 2014 06:01:41 +0000 http://www.danoah.com/?p=47006 dan-pearce-tough-mudderI don't know much of what happened at Tough Mudder after I finally just... lost it. My mind went. My body went. And I lost it. Here's the end of that story...]]> dan-pearce-tough-mudder

CONTINUED FROM YESTERDAY. CLICK HERE FOR ALL POSTS IN THIS SERIES.

By the time I had begun army crawling through the trough of mud and water, doing my best to avoid the hundreds of hanging electrical wires within “Electric Eel,” my body was done, and we were only at mile 8 of 12. We had finished “Hold Your Wood” just half a mile earlier, an obstacle where we had to hoist and carry 100 lb. logs around a long beaten path, and my legs were charlie horsing from my toes all the way into my hips in gratitude for finishing it.

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I don’t know if mentally I was just checked out or if the current in the wires just wasn’t that strong, but every time a jolt went through my body, I noticed it as much as I would notice someone randomly tapping on my arm. I couldn’t use my crippled legs to get through, so I had to pull myself along with my forearms all the way to the end. The water in Electric Eel was frigid and penetrating, and it caused my muscles to cramp even further as I went. Once out the other side, all I could do was stand up against my body’s will, stretch quickly, and keep walking in such ways that the muscles alternated in their spasms.

It was at 9.5 miles when I first thought I was officially done for. In a new obstacle called “Pyramid Scheme,” Mudders had to get a running start and make their way up a convex and slippery pyramid. Nobody got to the top without help from others. I stood at the bottom for the longest time. My mind was leaving. My body was leaving. One hard cramp had left me faint and light-headed. But Eric was at the top, with his arm outstretched. I attempted to run. I attempted to jump. And I slammed into the side of the obstacle after all of my muscles in both legs seized completely and simultaneously.

“I’m done. I’m done. I’m done.” I murmured to myself as I hobble/crawled around the obstacle to the other side. I could no longer walk. I could go no further. I had just jacked up my legs to the point of no return. I wasn’t saying those words to Eric. He wasn’t there yet. I was saying them in a moment of panic, as fears of medical crews racing to the obstacle to carry me away set in as my unavoidable reality

Continue reading: Defeated

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When Things Started Going Really Wrong http://www.danoah.com/2014/10/when-things-started-going-really-wrong.html http://www.danoah.com/2014/10/when-things-started-going-really-wrong.html#comments Tue, 28 Oct 2014 06:01:47 +0000 http://www.danoah.com/?p=46991 dan-eric-pearce-tough-mudder-8Things really started spiraling out of control after those first few miles. And I started making more mistakes which would put me in a dangerous situation...]]> dan-eric-pearce-tough-mudder-8

CONTINUED FROM YESTERDAY. CLICK HERE FOR ALL POSTS IN THIS SERIES.

The hills were alive with the sound of Tough Mudders. And when I say hills, I mean hills. The location they chose for this Tough Mudder was set on an English Countryside with steep and tall rolling hills all the way through, most many hundreds of feet from summit to base; the biggest of which was 1,000 feet tall. It was a very different landscape than Utah’s perfectly flat Tough Mudder with its one solid mountain at the end.

My body was doing well enough given my medication mistake the night before. In fact, things were good. We were happy. Life was awesome…

dan-eric-pearce-tough-mudder-9

 

dan-eric-pearce-tough-mudder-10

Until, that was, we jumped from the “Walk the Plank” obstacle into ice cold water below. I was expecting it to be so much warmer. Utah’s Walk the Plank was practically a heated swimming pool in comparison. Immediately when I hit the water, my muscles all tightened. The back of my head felt like it was going to spit my brain out.

dan-eric-pearce-tough-mudder-2

“Let’s get moving!” I told my brother after taking a big swig from the water bottle my sister in law was carrying. It was the first obstacle spectators got to watch us complete. I knew if we waited around too long, our bodies would not want to move at all.

Not too far in front of us was a monster of a hill which we had to go down and then up. It was halfway up the other side when my right calf suddenly seized. I stopped and stretched. Other Mudders were doing the same thing all the way up the hill. The cold water and chilly breeze obviously had affected many of us in not so fabulous ways. At the top, Mudders in all directions began holding their arms up in a giant “X”, the signal that medical help is needed. Mudder down. A young, fit looking man was collapsed on the ground, pounding at the dirt in front of him with a fist. He cursed and muttered, angry that his day at Tough Mudder was over. At the top of the hill I had to stretch once more, and we carried on. My calf was bothering me, but it wasn’t threatening to take me down. Yet

Continue reading: When Things Started Going Really Wrong

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This Was Not How It was Supposed to End http://www.danoah.com/2014/10/this-was-not-how-it-was-supposed-to-end.html http://www.danoah.com/2014/10/this-was-not-how-it-was-supposed-to-end.html#comments Mon, 27 Oct 2014 14:08:54 +0000 http://www.danoah.com/?p=46983 dan-eric-pearce-tough-mudderHyperventilation, shock, dangerous electrolyte imbalance, and hypothermia. I flew to England expecting my next Tough Mudder to end SO much differently...]]> dan-eric-pearce-tough-mudder

dan-eric-pearce-tough-mudder-start-london

On Saturday, I learned that when a team of doctors, nurses, and paramedics are hovered around me demanding that I breathe and calm down, it is not the most calming of experiences whilst I am having a full-blown panic attack.

I had never had a panic attack like this before. I was discombobulated and mostly incoherent as I was forced to sit. Warmed blankets and space blankets were draped over me until they were so thick that my giant 240 lb. body disappeared within. The entire memory of that two hours or so is full of gaping holes and flashes of moments that I only think happened at the end of the London Tough Mudder. Hyperventilation, shock, dangerous electrolyte imbalance, and hypothermia.

This was not how I expected this race to end.

This was not how it was supposed to end

Continue reading: This Was Not How It was Supposed to End

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Wow. Look at the Sky Now. http://www.danoah.com/2014/10/wow-look-at-the-sky-now.html http://www.danoah.com/2014/10/wow-look-at-the-sky-now.html#comments Fri, 24 Oct 2014 17:15:53 +0000 http://www.danoah.com/?p=46972 dan-pearce-old-bedI'm in England, sitting on my old bed reading love letters from my girlfriend. It's such a different feeling vs. my hate and anger toward girls 18 years ago...]]> dan-pearce-old-bed

current-view

See that? That’s my current view.

I’m laying, propped against the cracked oak headboard of the same bed either my brother or I slept on as a teenager. Outside, the English fall is quickly turning to winter. This island is cold and wet and drab this time of year, yet there is something magical about it. Maybe it’s the moss covered rooftops. Maybe it’s the way the moisture makes all the blacks blacker and the whites whiter. Maybe it’s simply because it’s not like the place I come from, where everything is dry, boring, and seemingly the same.

Maybe it’s because being away from home makes home all the more incredible. Having a chance to miss my child and my girlfriend makes our relationships all the more powerful. Having a chance to miss my routines, and my places I go, and the stops I usually make has a way of making me realize just how fantastic my everyday has become. Maybe it’s because going without all the creature comforts and gadgets and unnecessary amenities I have afforded myself over the years makes me realize how blessed I am to have them all.

Hm.

Continue reading: Wow. Look at the Sky Now.

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Humaning is Hard http://www.danoah.com/2014/10/humaning-is-hard.html http://www.danoah.com/2014/10/humaning-is-hard.html#comments Tue, 21 Oct 2014 06:01:58 +0000 http://www.danoah.com/?p=46930 dan-pearceI’m Dan Pearce. I don’t need help. I am solid. I have my life under control. I am with it. I am good enough. I am awesome. Or so I thought...]]> dan-pearce

dan-pearceI am Dan Pearce.

I don’t need help.

I am solid. I have my life under control. I have a beautiful mind. I am with it. I am good enough. I am strong enough. I am successful. I am awesome.

I am Dan fucking Pearce.

Or so I thought…

“Are you kidding me right now?”

That’s precisely when I knew I wasn’t Dan fucking Pearce at all. I knew it when I heard those words come baffled and indignant out of my sister-in-law’s mouth, aimed at me.

For quite some time now, I have been forgetting such random things. I’ve been forgetting big and important things that people tell me. Important stories from people’s pasts. And so many little things, too… People’s names. Sometimes even the fact that I met them at all.

Until that point, I was able to brush every forgetful moment away and blame it on a stressed mind. I was able to pin it on working too much, or being spread to thin.

But those words cut deep. “Are you kidding me right now?”

I looked over at my girlfriend. I saw this look in her eyes that said the same thing. Are you kidding me right now?

Nobody forgets something like what I had just forgotten. Nobody forgets something like that.

Nobody forgets if their own brother has been married before.

But I did

Continue reading: Humaning is Hard

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25 More of the CREEPIEST Things Ever Said by Kids http://www.danoah.com/2014/10/25-more-of-the-creepiest-things-ever-said-by-kids-4.html http://www.danoah.com/2014/10/25-more-of-the-creepiest-things-ever-said-by-kids-4.html#comments Mon, 20 Oct 2014 06:01:51 +0000 http://www.danoah.com/?p=46922 Doll issued a sea shoreALL NEW! If you have kids, you know that sometimes they say things that creep you the heck out. These are 25 (more) of my favorite "creepy" kid stories.]]> Doll issued a sea shore

Doll issued a sea shore

JUST IN TIME FOR HALLOWEEN!!!

Over on the SDL Facebook wall, I once asked you what the creepiest thing was that you’ve ever heard a kid say.

I had no idea what to expect. What I got would floor me.

And from that… the most creepy, most amazing, series was born. Enjoy today’s batch of stories, brought to you by you. They’re…. amazing

Continue reading: 25 More of the CREEPIEST Things Ever Said by Kids

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WTF was THAT?! http://www.danoah.com/2014/10/wtf-was-that.html http://www.danoah.com/2014/10/wtf-was-that.html#comments Fri, 17 Oct 2014 16:39:59 +0000 http://www.danoah.com/?p=46954 wtf-was-thatNo, seriously. What the fadiddle was that? The most bizarre thing I've experienced in a very long time just happened to me...]]> wtf-was-that

wtf-was-that

No, seriously. What the fadiddle was that?

This morning I rolled out of bed like a sick walrus. Like I always do.

I put on my hoodie, careful not to zip my chest hairs into it. Like I often do.

I stumbled downstairs blindly guided toward the promise of caffeine. A necessary morning ritual if the world wants to survive my grogginess.

I first stopped and popped a massive handful of supplements and vitamins. It’s a handful that gets bigger the older I get.

I tossed them in my mouth all at once like a true badass. I always do this. I am a true badass.

Continue reading: WTF was THAT?!

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So… I’m Dating this Girl. http://www.danoah.com/2014/10/im-dating-this-girl.html http://www.danoah.com/2014/10/im-dating-this-girl.html#comments Thu, 16 Oct 2014 06:01:56 +0000 http://www.danoah.com/?p=46916 danSo… I’m dating this girl. That’s no secret. After Tuesday's post, though, I probably need to mention what *will* be a secret...]]> dan

danSo… I’m dating this girl. That’s no secret.

What will be a secret is all of the details surrounding it. How we met (it’s kiiiiind of a hilarious story)… All the moments we share (wow, there have been some doozies that would most certainly make great blogging)… All the twenty thousand reasons I’m in love with her (I’m just kidding. More like 52,617)… Etcetera, etcetera.

Wow. I’ve been flooded with emails and Facebook messages requesting I share with you all the juicy deets, especially after Tuesday’s post.

And you know what? I’ve taken a large and satisfying inhale with each well-intentioned message I’ve received, and I’ve relished the fact that our story is ours. It’s something we only share organically with our friends and loved ones as if I had no public following at all.

Believe me. Blogger-Dan wants to word splurge all of it all over all of you like a drunk boy on prom night. I want to show off my girl to the whole damn world. She’s pretty effing fantastic (and pretty effing pretty, too)

Continue reading: So… I’m Dating this Girl.

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Why “Eternity” is Such a Dangerous Thought http://www.danoah.com/2014/10/why-eternity-is-such-a-dangerous-thought.html http://www.danoah.com/2014/10/why-eternity-is-such-a-dangerous-thought.html#comments Tue, 14 Oct 2014 06:01:38 +0000 http://www.danoah.com/?p=46900 dan-pearce-aleighWe all want a happily ever after. We want to know what eternity looks like. But this is why that was really hurting me, and the irony I learned about it.]]> dan-pearce-aleigh

dan-pearce-aleigh

You know how everyone seems to love that little eternity symbol?

You know… the one that looks like this:

eternity-symbol

I’ve decided that this symbol, or more accurately that this idea, is one of the most mentally dangerous and self-destructive ideas that has ever spread across the tattoo parlors of the world.

I mean, it seems so romantic and lovely doesn’t it? The concept of eternity?

I thought so, too. Particularly when things first took off with my girlfriend in such fantastic and wonderful ways. Things were going so well, my thoughts were running away in such fantastic directions.

Could this girl be the one I’ve been looking for all my life?

Could this girl be the one I will grow old with?

Have I finally found my soul mate, my lover, my confidant, my everything?

Is this the girl who will finally give meaning to that eternity symbol for me?

She was thinking many of the same thoughts about me. Like I said, it was just going so well.

And those are all good things to think, right?

Wrong.

Let me tell you why those thoughts are complete rubbish

Continue reading: Why “Eternity” is Such a Dangerous Thought

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25 Hilarious Pregnancy Brain Moments http://www.danoah.com/2014/10/25-hilarious-pregnancy-brain-moments.html http://www.danoah.com/2014/10/25-hilarious-pregnancy-brain-moments.html#comments Mon, 13 Oct 2014 06:01:19 +0000 http://www.danoah.com/?p=46893 Amased pregnantBeing pregnant... they say it *does* things to your mind. Hahaha. And these 25 hilarious pregnancy brain moments will have you laughing. Big time.]]> Amased pregnant

Amased pregnantI have been around enough pregnant women to know that Pregnancy Brain is an incredibly real and awfully funny thing. So, I knew we would get some amazing replies when I asked this question on the SDL Facebook page:

What is the craziest thing you or your significant other has ever done while suffering from PREGNANCY BRAIN?

These are 25 of my favorite replies!

1. I cried when I didn’t make cookies for the nurses when I was in labor…

2. I was in a hurry one day, and weeks away from delivery… I left the house to take my son to school and run a few errands. It wasn’t until the cashier at the market said, did you know you have a towel on your head that I realized I hadn’t done my hair after a shower. I had gone to 2 other places like that before someone said something! I got in the car and cried.

3. Walked out of the house with everything including baby and baby accessories… everything except pants.

4. I went through a car wash with about 200 dollars worth of groceries in the back of the truck

Continue reading: 25 Hilarious Pregnancy Brain Moments

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The Truth About What’s Been Going On… http://www.danoah.com/2014/10/the-truth-about-whats-been-going-on.html http://www.danoah.com/2014/10/the-truth-about-whats-been-going-on.html#comments Thu, 09 Oct 2014 06:01:40 +0000 http://www.danoah.com/?p=46887 dan-noahSometimes the truth doesn’t hit me until after I’ve finally dealt with it. And this truth is a big one for me...]]> dan-noah

dan-noah

Sometimes the truth doesn’t hit me until after I’ve finally dealt with it.

As you know, a week ago I went on an SDL hiatus with a mooshy brain.

I didn’t know why I had gotten to that point. I didn’t really know how I had gotten to that point. All I knew was that I could not sit in front of a computer screen and write even one more word on my blog. It wasn’t brain farts or writer’s block. My head was just screaming at me, telling me things like, “I will f*** you up, mister, if you don’t give me a break and figure some things out.”

So, I listened, mostly because I most definitely didn’t want to get f***ed up by a complex blob of neurological tissue. I prescheduled a bunch of memes posts on Facebook, and I shut my computer down.

And, it was about four days into it when my brain finally told me the truth about why I was at the point I was at.

The truth was… I have bitten off more life than I can chew

Continue reading: The Truth About What’s Been Going On…

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Toodaloo for a Few http://www.danoah.com/2014/10/toodaloo-for-a-few.html http://www.danoah.com/2014/10/toodaloo-for-a-few.html#comments Thu, 02 Oct 2014 07:24:11 +0000 http://www.danoah.com/?p=46882 dan-pearce-breakI have a riddle for you. What happens when you are developing four different apps with developers who are all on the other side of the world? Answer... ]]> dan-pearce-break

dan-pearce-break

I have a riddle for you. What happens when you are developing four different apps with developers who are all on the other side of the world? Answer: your brain turns to mush after seven straight months of staying up into the wee hours of the morning every single night designing, discussing, testing, getting over language barriers, etc.

I need a break, my friends.

My mind is officially toast at the moment and I need to recharge it, or all you’re going to get here on SDL is blog posts of goo

Continue reading: Toodaloo for a Few

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Maybe Let’s Think Before We Google That http://www.danoah.com/2014/10/maybe-lets-think-before-we-google-that.html http://www.danoah.com/2014/10/maybe-lets-think-before-we-google-that.html#comments Wed, 01 Oct 2014 06:01:30 +0000 http://www.danoah.com/?p=46573 funny-google-auto-completes-26These 30 Google Auto-Completes are hilarious proof that we could stand to do a little more thinking on our own, BEFORE we Google for an answer.]]> funny-google-auto-completes-26

Yesterday I had a valid question. How quickly do I need to eat meat after it has been opened? So, I went where else but to Google to find my answer.

I never got to the answer though. Instead, Google told me what I should be looking for…

FIRST SEARCH

What cracks me up is that these auto-complete search terms are based on the most popular searches using the words I type in. I mean, come on. Do you really need to ask Google how often you need to change a poopy diaper? Do you really think Google knows how fast you need to run? Seems we could stand to do a little more thinking on our own, BEFORE we Google for an answer.

Anyhow, that whole thing just got me sucked in to finding funny Google auto-completes, and responding to them with a few questions of my own.

Let’s start with that one again…

FIRST SEARCH

MY QUESTIONS:
How quickly would you want someone to change YOUR poopy diaper if it was out of your control?
How quickly is the bear behind you running?

 

funny-google-auto-completes-01

MY QUESTIONS:
Why don’t you just ask them if they are married?
How close were you if you don’t know how dead they are?
If you know the person, why do you need to meet them on Tinder

Continue reading: Maybe Let’s Think Before We Google That

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The Reason We’re Getting Fatter is Not What We All Think http://www.danoah.com/2014/09/the-reason-were-getting-fatter-is-not-what-we-all-think.html http://www.danoah.com/2014/09/the-reason-were-getting-fatter-is-not-what-we-all-think.html#comments Tue, 30 Sep 2014 06:01:30 +0000 http://www.danoah.com/?p=46617 dan-pearce-fitnessI don't think it's the rise in fast food chains, or the move to sedentary jobs. I think it is something else altogether, and I think the answer is simple...]]> dan-pearce-fitness

dan-pearce-fitness

Okay. Do you see all of those workout selfies?

Yes, there are TONS of them.

Yes, they are all of me.

Me.

A guy who once tipped the scales at 350 lbs and who now loves this whole get-fit stay-fit world.

And those are only a fraction of all the workout selfies I’ve taken (and shared) the last 10 months or so.

Listen, friends. We have it ALL wrong.

For some reason, as a general population we are scared to post too many photos of ourselves doing AMAZING things on social media, especially in the health and fitness world.

And by AMAZING, I don’t mean reaching the top of Mount Everest, or base jumping from the Sears Tower. I mean the little AMAZING things we do every day, like move our bodies, and making healthy food choices, and being excited for our daily victories.

Goodness gracious. Have you looked at us lately? As a whole, we are getting fatter. And we are getting more unhealthy. And we are getting lazier. And even worse than that… we are teaching our kids this same lethargic lifestyle as we head down the slippery slope to Wall-Eville.

Politicians have fought endlessly about this epidemic and have found no solutions. Incredibly inspiring television shows have not begun to even dent what’s going on. Talk-shows have dissected it, endlessly and unsuccessfully. Bloggers have blogged about it. And nothing has changed. We are still getting heavier per capita, every single year. And I think I know why.

It isn’t the rise in fast food chains on every corner. It isn’t the covers of magazines. It isn’t the fact that the job force has shifted more heavily to sedentary jobs.

No, the problem isn’t any of that

Continue reading: The Reason We’re Getting Fatter is Not What We All Think

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