For D.

This world is full of so much shit;
Terrible people fill much of it.
It’s also full of so much right,
and people who shine so fucking bright.

There are dark places,
Where dark thoughts thrive;
Where dark spirits loom;
Where dark words drive.

I know a place just like this,
Where darkness is a deep abyss.
The darkness that is part of me,
Feels safe there, just being free.

Yes, I have darkness inside of me.
Demons and ghosts and ugly greed.
I have hurt, and pain, and sadness too.
My troubles are far from few.

But my darkness really isn’t much,
Compared to the light I often touch.
Yes, so much more than I love the dark,
I love the light when it finds its mark.

I’m never in that dark place long,
Before the light begins to sing its song.
And begs me to get out of there,
And show how much I know I care.

But I am weak, and I give in.
Addiction acts like its my friend.
The darkness keeps me anchored down,
Surrounded by so many frowns.

So why go back, when it is that way?
Why let my demons come out and play?
I don’t know, and I can’t say.
Life’s not black or white. It’s gray.

And to think one is all dark or light,
All good, all bad, all day, all night…
Is to somehow believe the bullshit call,
That perfect people live among us all.

There is a darkness to every soul,
There’s also light that wants to grow.
This dark place that I love to go,
Is a place for those with darker souls.

Others who thrive where life is bright,
Don’t go there to maintain their light.
That place is filled with ugly things.
And darkness that only anger brings.

So why the fuck do I go back?
I’ll tell you why, and it’s a fact.
One day so very long ago,
I met this girl with a different soul.

I feel it now, just like I felt it then.
Her light… It made the darkness thin.
And the light in me, it spoke to hers,
And I needed more of that certain girl.

The smile she wore was often fake.
And life for her was no piece of cake.
A sadness crept from out her eyes,
Backed by a light that could not die.

Those lips, those eyes, they laughed a lot.
But something deeper, my attention caught.
Even deeper than the saddest smiles,
Was a beautiful soul that went on for miles.

My soul, it said, “you need more of that,”
And that’s why I kept going back.
My soul, it said, “she hears it, too…
Keep making sure that she sees you.”

Because lights like that, that can’t go out…
And can be felt above the darkest shouts…
And that mesh with the light that’s part of me…
And that trumps the darkness and sets me free…

My soul, it said, “you don’t fucking lose that.
You don’t have a choice, and that is that.”
So I always listened, and went back to the dark,
And hoped that her light would leave a nice mark.

It always did. It always has.
But it often leaves me feeling sad.
Because I know I cannot rescue her,
My heart it feels it, my soul concurs.

The place we’d start wouldn’t be right.
We wouldn’t be able to hold on with might.
And my soul, yes it sings even when it is sad,
It says, “keep going back, one day you’ll be glad.”

So I go back to the place I cannot stand,
And soak in her light however I can.
And listen to her happy sad eyes sing,
“I’m trapped, but feeling the very same thing.”

But… my soul is far too attached to its light,
To keep going into the darkness of night.
And to wonder if it has misheard the song,
And wonder if it sang alone all along.

And wonder if she will finally see,
That as she is now is all my light needs.
Not some version of her, more skinny or fit.
That shit has nothing to do with it.

It’s the light that I see and always can feel.
It’s the things that I feel that seem all too real.
It’s the song that I hear above all the shit.
It’s the feeling that the song will be well-worth it.