ONE HUMAN PASS FOR AN EPIC AND REAL HUG
VALID TODAY ONLY, SO PLEASE USE IT!
The holder of this pass is entitled to stop being so dang tough, and so independent, and to be the recipient of a real, heart-warming, stress-reducing, genuine HUG. This pass includes but is not limited to: holding the hug until its super-awkwardness becomes super-amazingness, squeezing like there’s no tomorrow, and just… enjoying the dang thing. Upon redeeming this pass, the recipient may not, under any circumstances, give a half-hearted or one-armed hug, end the hug in a back-pat, or squirm away in any way. The issuer of this “Human Pass” guarantees to do nothing but give a truly amazing, warm, and epic hug, free from any ulterior motive.
You’re one of those things called a human. And humaning is hard sometimes. Everyone needs a real hug once in a while. Today, you get a pass on having to be so… tough. It’s totally okay.