ONE HUMAN PASS TO BE ILL
VALID TODAY ONLY, SO PLEASE USE IT!
The holder of this pass is entitled to be ill today, and nothing but ill today, with absolutely no need to still function in any of your usual activities. This pass includes but is not limited to staying in bed, staying home, not showering, not getting ready for the day, and in general just letting yourself get the rest you need instead of finding a way to do it all anyway.
The issuer of this “Human Pass” guarantees to do nothing but love you and be there for you without needing a dang thing in return. Hey. You’re human. And humans become ill sometimes. Today, you get a pass on having to do anything except focus on feeling better. It’s totally okay.