ONE HUMAN PASS TO BE… ILL?!
VALID TODAY ONLY, SO PLEASE USE IT!
The holder of this pass is entitled to be miserable and ill today, to be nothing but miserable and ill all day, and to skip drugging-up so that you can for some reason go out and pretend there aren’t millions of microscopic terrorists causing mayhem in your body. This pass includes, but is not limited to, sprawling out miserably in bed for the day, constant moaning and groaning, going nowhere near a shower, staying in yesterday’s undies, and in general just letting yourself rest.
The issuer of this “Human Pass” guarantees not to do a dang thing except love you! And be there between moans and groans! No need for anything in return. What… the… You’re human?! Yep. You are. And humans come down with the ickies sometimes. Today, you get a pass on having to do anything except focus on feeling the heck better. It’s totally okay.