SINGLE DAD LAUGHING'S LATEST:

Junior Bleeping High?!

Today some absolute life BLEEP went down in the form of... junior high.

An Ode to Summer (Finally) Ending

As I lay here hiding in my bedroom, rocking to and fro, trying not to go absolutely nuts, I ended up writing this poem about summer and what it's like to be a parent by the end of this glorious season!

Date me. Or me. Or me. Or maybe ME?

Ahem. I shall now demonstrate why dating apps scare the bejeebers out of me in this day and age with all the apps we have readily available to us to help boost our dateability.

Old People Say the Darnedest Things

old people say the darnedest things
Let's be honest, here. Old people can get away with saying just about whatever they want. And we applaud them for it. These are some of the funniest things ever said by old people.

ASK DAN:

Ask Dan: Is it more difficult for you to make *real* friends when you are a bit of a celebrity?

I actually get asked this a lot. Is it harder to make real friends when you're popular or a celebrity? I've had many years to contemplate this question, and I think the answer is a bit more complex than yes or no.

Ask Dan: What Red Flags Are You Guilty of Ignoring When You Meet Someone?

Dating red flags
I'll admit there are times when I ignore someone's red flags because I just want it to work. I do it. You do it. Just about everyone does it...

Ask Dan: How do you remain so positive in such a cynical and negative world?

I have battled cynicism, and these are the 14 things I try to always do to continue living inside this beautiful bubble I have created for myself.

MORE OF SDL'S LATEST:

My Dentist Trip: According to “Talk to Text”

I couldn't get a coherent blog post written after a quick trip to the dentist took a turn for the worst. So instead, I'm gonna tell you about it with "talk to text" while hopped up on pain meds...

For All My Trolls…

It's been a while since I wrote something special for my trolls. There have been plenty since I came back to blogging. Well, trolls, this one is for you...

Anyone Who Calls Me “Bud” Can’t Be Trusted

salesperson who calls me bud can't be trusted
I went car shopping and listened to a 23-year-old salesperson call me "Bud" again and again until I had finally had enough...

My Trick to Stop Any Shit Talker Dead In His Verbal Tracks

Whether someone is talking shit to be funny or to try and hurt me, I have a little trick that works every single time to shut them up and stop them dead in their tracks...

I May Just Be the Great Dane of Humans

I am the Great Dane of Humans
What I'm writing today turned out to be a little morbid and twisted, kind of like the image I used for it, but hey. It's how I feel when I compare myself to dog breeds.

The Beggar At My Car Window Who Refused to Take My Money

A beggar scared the living daylight out of me when he knocked at my car window to ask for money at a time when my life was a real struggle. He then refused to take my money before leaving me with with advice that was exactly what I needed to hear.

ALL-TIME TOP SDL POSTS:

You Just Broke Your Child. Congratulations.

I feel a need to write this after what I witnessed a father do at Costco yesterday... Parents. And especially some of you dads. Stop breaking your children. Please.

A Letter to Men: The Lesson of the Saggy Burrito in My Pants

Very few men get to experience what it's like for a woman when it comes to "that time of the month." I unfortunately did, and I learned things I never expected.

16 Ways I Blew My Marriage

I've had two failed marriages now which means I'm not the one you should come to for marriage advice. But "don't blow it" advice? I've got plenty.

20 Ways to Tell When Someone is Acting Out of Insecurity

We all have insecurities. But sometimes people "act out" of insecurity, and it can be destructive and difficult to recognize. So, I've made a list of the things insecure people do when they "act out."

I’m Christian, unless you’re gay.

This is possibly the most difficult post I've ever written. But some strong words need to be said today today. "God hates fags." We've all heard it. But...

The Most Embarrassing Things Ever Blurted Out By Kids

I asked 175,000 people, "What is the most embarrassing thing your child has ever blurted out to others?" These were my favorite responses...

Memoirs of a Bullied Kid

I don't recall any serious heartache or sadness during my first 10 years of life. But in 5th grade, all that changed. This was my story and my thoughts on bullying.

20 Things That Ain’t None of Your Business

After asking a friend to leave my house for being rude and over-obsessed with the going-ons in other people's lives, I sat down and wrote this list.

The disease called “Perfection”

As a warning, the following post was written in complete desperation. I have recently learned some very sobering truths from people that I love dearly. These truths have set in motion a quest...

Weird Boobs and Little Wieners

When it comes to our most sensitive body parts, something in our society (and how we see ourselves) has drastically changed, and I think we have forgotten these few basic, beautiful, and unchangeable truths about them...

My Crazy Mountaintop Rescue

The following posts were part of a six-post series about the time I almost died on a mountaintop.

How much did YOUR kid cost?

Somebody had the nerve to ask me right in front of my son, "how much did he cost?" So, please listen up. When adoption is involved... never say these 11 things.

217 Wrong Numbers

I sent the same text to 217 random cell phone numbers. Some replies made me smile. Some made me laugh. Some made me sad. For some, there just weren't words.

The OTHER 15 Ways I Blew My Marriage

Part II: I've had two failed marriages now which means I'm not the one you should come to for marriage advice. But "don't blow it" advice? I've got plenty.

Other popular SDL posts:

Finding the Blood-Covered Towel

It's a new day in Las Vegas, staying at the absolute worst place IN Las Vegas. And I didn't think it could get worse. Until, that is, I found the blood-covered towel.

“I Want it Fast and I Want it Now” Syndrome

I think it’s time we take a look at a seriously pervasive problem. I am guilty, way more than I’d like to admit. Chances are that you are guilty, too. In fact, few there are that don’t find themselves trapped in this ever spreading “I want it fast, and I want it now” syndrome.

How Does a Dad Explain Something Like That?

It was supposed to be a cute picture for his mom, showing off the new hole in his grin. No fuss, just a happy moment. I still don't really get what happened next...

The Older Unmarried Teenage Girl

Based on a true story. Once upon a time, an older unmarried teenage girl miscarried her baby halfway through her pregnancy and was very sad. Her mother told everyone that...

I do it because… It is the only way I can do this at all.

Yesterday I embarrassed myself by completely losing it at the end of a very long rope which had finally run out. This is my response to one reader's email.

Adventures in Therapy: Kissing and Pancakes

I think for these posts, I’ll call my therapist Star. And I’ll call the person she’s talking to Dingo. And we shall laugh at how ridiculous my therapy often is.

On the Toilet when Disaster Strikes

Picture this, parents... you're sitting on the John, doing what every human being on earth does. And then, out of nowhere...

Goodbye brain. Hello heart.

My brain has really done a number on me, constantly analyzing and hurting my relationships. But then something happened that finally made me say goodbye to my brain and hello to my heart.

Strange Things Are Seen In the City – Vol. 2

I love living in the city. Last week, just after Noah had finally gone to sleep after a restless night, what shows up outside my window? A helicopter of course.

Making Giant Men Squirm

A giant of a man suddenly became so grossed out that he left the grocery store. A giant of a man myself, I had to see what spooked him. That was my first mistake.

Death & Its Only Guarantee

A guy I knew, my age, died this week and that left me really thinking about all the young people I've seen die and what death (and living) really should be.

A World As Beautiful and As Scary As Hell

I have come to learn something since coming out. The world is a more beautiful place than I ever could have imagined. It’s also scary as hell.

“Doubt Your Doubts Before You Doubt Your Beliefs”

A quote started circling around Facebook like wildfire this past weekend, and it caused some of the biggest and some of the ugliest debate I've seen. These are my thoughts...

The Friendship Wrecker

I'm in a feisty mood, today. Hahaha. There's this guy. Or maybe a girl. I don't know. All I know is that he/she is a friendship WRECKER! And it's payback time.

My Special Moment with the Flight Attendant

I am a big dude, and one flight attendant in particular kept barreling into me with no apology or even acknowledgement of it. But then... karma happened!

Wrinkly and Worth It

When my girlfriend pulled out a wadded-up five dollar bill to pay me back for a meal, I didn't realize it would be tied to an incredibly poignant and powerful lesson...

I Must Just Be *That* Hot. Okay, Maybe Not.

Mom soothes a crying baby
Today, as I passed by a mother carrying her infant, something rather out of the ordinary happened, which left me only one conclusion. I must just be *that* hot.

Why I Like Messed-Up Girls

People want me to date the kind of girl who only giggles and doesn't have a messed-up bone in her. You know... the perfect girl from the movies. But...

Why “Eternity” is Such a Dangerous Thought

We all want a happily ever after. We want to know what eternity looks like. But this is why that was really hurting me, and the irony I learned about it.

``Wrong Numbers``

242 ALL-NEW “Wrong Numbers”

Text Sent to Wrong Numbers
I randomly texted 242 strangers (again) with a simple question. "What is the absolute best thing you hope will happen in 2017?" Their replies were amazing.

155 All-New “Wrong Numbers”

Once again, I randomly texted strangers with a simple question. "What’s the #1 most awesome thing that makes you so awesomely… you?" Their replies were amazing.

10 All-New Wrong Numbers (Part 2 of the New Year Texts)

To start off the year, I randomly texted strangers with a simple question. What's going to make this the best year ever? Their replies show humaning at its best.

13 All-New Wrong Numbers

To start off the year, I randomly texted strangers with a simple question. What's going to make this the best year ever? Their replies show humaning at its best.

The Hard Side I Don’t Show You from the Wrong Numbers Posts

The truth. "Wrong Numbers" (where I send positive texts to random numbers) has its hard side and its dark side. This is what actually happens when I send those.

304 MORE Wrong Numbers – HOLIDAY EDITION!

ALL NEW HOLIDAY EDITION! I sent the same text to 304 random numbers with the request to share a secret thought about Christmas. The replies. Wow. I love people.

246 MORE Wrong Numbers

ALL NEW! I sent the same text to 246 random numbers, this time with a simple statement. "Isn't life just... THE BEST?!" The replies. Wow... I love people.

Brought to You By You

This is the Truth Box – Week 40

This is the Truth Box
Remember. We're all fighting our own great battles. These are the secrets you've never told anyone. And what everyone else believes is the truth. All new.

Kids Say Some Pretty Dang Profound Things Sometimes

Kids Say Some Pretty Dang Profound Things Sometimes
I asked my followers "What is the most profound thing you've ever heard a child say?" These were my favorite 16 responses. Kids can definitely be profound!

30 All-New WEIRD Confessions

Weird Confessions
These are 30 *ALL-NEW* overly weird confessions made by everyday people with an anonymous place to tell something they do when they're all alone.

Pulled from the Truth Box – Week 39

Pulled from the Truth Box
Remember. We're all fighting our own great battles. These are the secrets you've never told anyone. And what everyone else believes is the truth. All new.

Pulled from the Truth Box – Week 38

Pulled from the Truth Box
Remember. We're all fighting our own great battles. These are the secrets you've never told anyone. And what everyone else believes is the truth. All new.

Pulled from the Truth Box – Week 37

Pulled from the Truth Box
Remember. We're all fighting our own great battles. These are more of the secrets you've never told anyone. And what everyone else believes is the truth.

Humor

You *thought* you liked Chinese food

Ever been to China? Like, real China? Let me tell you that it is awesome. Most everything, that is, except for the food.

How Much Wood Could Chucky & Woody the Woodchucks Chuck?

Woody and Chucky the Woodchucks
Whew. It took me three full days to write and memorize this whole thing, and then only about 80 or so takes to get it (close to) flawless. So now the questions is... Can you keep up?

When Karma Made Me Pay $51 to My Kid For Trying to Dupe Him

This is the story of how I just tried to dupe my kid in the name of teaching him a valuable lesson, and instead karma got me good. Karma got me $51 good...

My 24 Favorite Tinder Screenshots From My 3 Years on Tinder

I've been saving my favorite Tinder screenshots for 3 years now, and I think it's time I start sharing some of the hilarious and awesome ones with all of you.

Parenting

Noah’s last straw

Noah’s been a tough little guy since the girls split. Tough in a lot of ways. Tough in the I’m mentally invincible and nothing can affect me sort of way, tough in the...

Dropping those Bad, Bad, Words With My Kid (Monday’s Random Ramblings)

Yesterday I was driving with my kid and dropped an f-bomb. I didn't do it by accident. It was a very purposeful f-bomb, followed by more purposeful f-bombs, all to make sure he remembered what I was trying to teach him.

It Seems the World’s Been Waiting for the Bed My Dad Invented

It's surreal to watch your own dad chase his dream for decades, lose almost everything repeatedly, and finally achieve insane success. His Purple mattress is taking the world by storm, and I couldn't be prouder.

An Overly Nerve-Wracking Let-My-Kid-Grow-Up Moment

It's not easy letting my kid go do grown-up things.
My child is at the age where I *have* to start letting him grow up and do things that scare me as a parent. Today was one of the most nerve-wracking yet...

Dating

“I’m still a lot closer to love than you are.”

Yesterday I posted Goodbye Brain, Hello Heart. The response was what I thought it would be. Bravos and Boos. Today I share my follow up response to that.

45 Hilariously Creepy Messages Received on Dating Websites

Creepy Dating Website
These were the most hilariously creepy messages my readers have received on dating websites. As a whole they make me laugh. Individually, they really did creep me the heck out. Haha.

When Every Relationship I’ve Ever Had Has Failed

While contemplating (throwing myself a pity party) why ever relationship I've had has failed, I realized one great and comforting truth about it all.

No Second Date For You!

ALL NEW! What is the most odd, funny, horrifying, or weird thing you've discovered about someone you were on a date with? I asked, you answered.