noah-m-msNow, I don’t want to toot my own horn (okay I do), but I was mathematics student of the month in tenth grade in high school. And due to that accomplishment, for the rest of my life, I will consider myself a math whiz, even though I never went higher than Algebra II in high school and then downgraded to Algebra I in college, and then, well, forgot how to do math altogether.

Which is why I come to you, my dear digital friends, for some math help. You see, I’ve encountered a situation that boggles my mind and leaves me scratching my head in confusion (although due to the constant itch it could very well just be head lice). And here it is:

When we were a household of four, two kids and two adults, we would spend x dollars on food, necessities, etc. etc. Now, I am finding it ridiculously easy to grocery shop and only spend 15-20% that much. So, math whizzes… tell me why a family of four was costing five or six times as much as a family of two!

Just so that you as a mathematician have all of the variables to put into your equation, here are ten simple changes we’ve made to our previous eating and living plan.

  1. Noah and I don’t eat anything but Peanut Butter M&Ms and flavored Wheat Thins for meals. Before we had a nice home cooked meal almost every night.
  2. Instead of using a wad of toilet paper, we use a square. If, that is, we have a square to spare.
  3. We let the dog recycle his own food. That Eukanuba was getting to be so expensive.
  4. When it comes snack time, we go for something easy yet sensible… flavored Wheat Thins.
  5. Instead of laundry detergent, we use leftover ice melt.
  6. Instead of soap or shampoo, we use rocks from the garden. They remove just about anything.
  7. Instead of hair gel, we use… well, you don’t want to know. But it works well and your hair stays put.
  8. We have found that there are plenty of places to get free, fresh milk, if you don’t mind goat hairs.
  9. Instead of paper goods to eat off of, we eat off of, well, paper goods, but we wipe them off between each use.
  10. Instead of cable TV, we watch Astro Boy. Over, and over, and over, and over again.

So, as you can see, there really isn’t much change in lifestyle, at least not enough to effect the grocery bill. So, help me figure this one out! Where was all the money going before? Now, I’m not complaining. I mean, my big fear was that I wouldn’t be saving much money at all when Noah and I found ourselves bachelor buddies again. Ultimately, this ‘savings’ discovery has left me a true believer in the ultimate power of being a dude.

And one more thing… if anybody wants some free milk, like real milk, come and get it. I have a gallon and a half that only expired two weeks ago sitting in my fridge.

Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing