A few weeks ago, I put together a post from your Facebook comments called, Grandmas say the darndest things. It was a lot of fun, and I’ll definitely be putting together more of them in the future. On Monday I asked a different question. “What’s the wisest piece of advice you’ve ever gotten from an old person?” More than 600 of you replied with something awesome.

Unfortunately, I can only use so many of them today. But, just like the other post, if you like this one I have plenty of content for future editions as well.

With that, enjoy the first edition of Grandparents say the wisest things, at least 3,000 years in the making.

  • “Sometimes you have to whisper in order to be heard.”
  • “Bring children up the way they are bent.”
  • About worrying: “Don’t cry over tears that haven’t even started to form.”
  • “Don’t wait until you are 50 to wear red with purple.”
  • “Never ask a question you’re not ready to hear the answer to.”
  • When arguing with your significant other: “Do you want to be happy or do you want to be right?”
  • “If you’re going to fight, at least get naked first.”
    • “Take it slow, because you can never go back to the sweet thrill of simply holding hands.”
    • “The only way past this moment is through it.”
    • “Never bother to kiss the a$$ that is in the act of $hitting on you.”
    • “This too shall pass”
    • “I’ll try anything twice because I might have done it wrong the first time.”
    • “Measure twice…cut once!”
    • “Marriage isn’t 50/50, it’s 100/100.”
    • “Growing old is mandatory, Growing up is optional.”
    • Wedding toast: “may all your ups and downs be under the sheets!”
    • “You can tell a lot about a person’s character by how they treat the waitress.”
    • “The man is the head of the household…but the woman is the neck.”
    • “If you’re going to be a bear, be a grizzly!”
    • “It’s better to be hated for who you are then to be loved for who you are not.”
    • ‎”Don’t cook bacon in the nude.”
    • “Never skimp on your bed or your shoes, cause you spend your whole life in one or the other.”
  • ‎”You’ll never leave where you are until you decide where you’d rather be.”
  • “Once you say it, you can’t take it back.”
  • “Always accept a gift from a child.”
  • “You can’t really love someone unless you love yourself.”
  • “If you are a mother in law .. keep your mouth shut.”
  • Marriage advice: “Don’t start something you don’t want to do the rest of your life.” (such as ironing)
  • “If you have one leg in the past and one leg in the future, you piss all over today.”
  • “If you neglect your housework for 20 years it might take a week to make it up. But if you neglect your child for a week it might take 20 years to make it up.”
  • “Choose your friends wisely. It’s not your enemies that will get you into trouble.”
  • “You have to stand for something or you’ll fall for anything.”
  • “Find something you love to do, then find a way to make a living doing it.”
  • “Stop talking, start listening.”
  • “You know that white speck on the top of chicken s**t? Well, its still chicken s**t.”
  • ‎”Leave it in the wind.”
  • “Teach your children to do without you.”
  • “Consider every word and action from your significant other as a precious gift… if you don’t, someone else will.”
  • “The grass is always greener over the septic tank.”
  • “Never make someone a priority, when all you are is an option.”
I’ll admit. I had a smile pretty much the entire time I was reading the replies and working on this post. I really need to hang out with old people more often.
Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing
PS, I’d love to hear your comments or your additions!