On the Single Dad Laughing Facebook Page, I asked what was the funniest status update you’ve ever posted on your own Facebook wall. Your answers had me ROFLSHMSWOOS (bonus points to whoever can guess what that means).

  • Michele: “While you’re out shopping today, will you get OFF!?” Me: “… If you insist.” Michele: “Bug spray, Paul. I’m talking about bug spray.”
  • 5 things to take w/ me during a zombie apocalypse. it’s simple really – 5 people slower than me.
  • Alexander just came into the room buck naked, dvd between his buttcheeks saying “Mama look at me! I’m a Wii! I’m a Wii!”
  • Cleaning while the kids are awake is like brushing your teeth while eating an Oreo.
  • Going to McDonald’s for a salad is like going to a whore for a hug.
  • The cops just came to my door and wanted to talk to me because they were getting reports that my dog was chasing people on bicycles. I told them I know that’s bullcrap, cause my dog doesnt even own a bicycle!!!
  • To the woman with 6 screaming kids at Walmart: if you’re wondering how that box of condoms got into your cart…You’re welcome (and for those wondering…yes, I did!).
  • Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
  • Dear Woman Driving Next to Me- I understand it is sunny and you want to block the sun’s rays by jamming a brochure into your side window, however, I did not need to know that you may be interested in obtaining some “vaginoplasty”!! Love, Carol
  • Having a 14 year old has made me realize why some species eat their young.
  • There should be an “Angry Birds Cannon” option for all cars. It needs to be mountable behind the grill and come with a green pig shaped laser sight so the birds know where to go.
  • I’d like to thank my psychiatrist for my good mood today!
  • Getting Lasik done this morning. If my next post is in braille, you’ll know it didn’t go well.
  • It’s ironic how the colors red, white and blue represent freedom, until they’re flashing behind you.
  • This outfit today has been made possible by Spanx!

MORE HILARIOUS STATUS UPDATES ON THE NEXT PAGE