You know what they say… Kids say the darndest things. As a parent, I am reminded of that daily. Like when Noah last week said, “Dad, my smile hasn’t downloaded yet.”


Anyway, in an attempt to feel like a normal parent, I asked you on the SDL Facebook Page what the funniest thing was that you’ve ever heard a kid say. Here are a few of your answers.

  • A couple of days ago…I was asking my son to eat his dinner for the gazillionth time….he put his hand on my shoulder, sighed, and said ‘Oh Mummy, we can’t always have what we want, can we?’
  • My 3 year old son threw my bra at me once and said, “Hey mom…here’s your nipple thing”.
  • My almost 3 yr old keeps telling everyone, including strangers ”mommy eats babies.” I’m 8 months pregnant.
  • When my youngest, who is autistic, finally started talking (arguing) when he was 4, I put him in time out for something and said, “because I am the MOM and I said you have to do it!” He retorted, “Well, I am the KENNY and I say I’m not doing it!”
  • My 3 yo girl walked in on her daddy in the bathroom and ran out and said “Mommy mommy daddy has a tail!”
  • My 5 yr old grandson eating ice cream “My breath is colder than a penguins butt!”
  • Sitting in a cinema watching King Arthur, and it gets to that point where you know the sex scene is going to happen. In the seat in front of me, a young boy (approx. 8 years old) says in a loud and clearly disgusted tone, “They’re going to have sex now, aren’t they? Don’t they know there are children in the audience?”
  • When my oldest was about 3 or 4 he picked up a screw driver. We told him to put it down and then asked him if he knew why it was dangerous to play with. He responded with, “because I might screw myself.” It took all my will power not to scream laughing!
  • My 3yo calls the space between his bed and the wall “the crack.” He frequently says, “Mom! Look what I found in my crack!” The other day he told me, “I’m going in my room to look in my crack and see if I can find a monster.” The immature side of me can’t help but giggle every time.
  • The last time my daughter had night time cough medicine, she asked a bunch of questions about how it worked. Later at a party we attended, she announced to the group that Daddy gives her alcohol to make her sleep.
  • My 11 year old son came running out of his room in boxer briefs and shouted, “one step closer to becoming a man!” He then did this crazy dance swinging his hips and arms… he was very happy to have the same kind of undies as his dad.
  • “Mom, babies come out of ‘ginas, right?” “Uh, yes sweetie, yes they do.” “Oh. Well thanks mommy, that was really nice of you to do that.”
  • “Uh oh the baby’s crying. I bet he’s hungry. Good thing you have bumps like mommy to feed him” this was said to me by the 4 yr old I nannied about his baby brother.
  • My little cousin announced “my mom got crabs” after she bought hermit crabs for the kids.
  • My daughter’s father used to curse in the car when people cut him off (she was in her carseat in the back). I told him not to do this because she might repeat it. One day we were driving and someone cut him off. My daughter, who was two at the time said, “Daddy, there’s another icehole!”
  • “Lala, that’s a penis, not a handle!” my son said when his little sister was learning how to pull herself to a standing position.
  • Today at the zoo while watching a hippo swim, I heard a little girl, maybe 5 years old, say “he looks like grandpa in the hot tub.”
  • I had just sent my son to his room for fighting with his sister. After explaining to his sister why she was punished, I went to my son’s room to do the same. He said “I’m sorry mom, I didn’t mean it.” I said, “don’t tell me you’re sorry – tell your sister.” He said, “no, I’m not sorry for fighting with Bella, I’m sorry for saying I hated you and you are the meanest mom ever.” “Spencer, you didn’t say that!” I told him. He replied, “yes, I did when you sent me to my room, but you didn’t hear me.”
  • Circa 1991 at a Halloween scary trail type thing: a group of students from the local karate school were dressed as ninjas and jumping out at people. One angel faced boy around 9-yo surprised everyone by screaming “prepare to die you son-of-a-b****!”. It was the last year they invited us…

If you laughed today, share that laughter everywhere you can share it. Like on Facebook or with your mother-in-law or with the lady doing your nails!

Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing

PS. Knowing that I might use it in a blog post, what is the funniest thing you’ve heard a child say, and what was your favorite from today’s list?

Also, be sure to check out other editions of My KID said that?!

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Dan Pearce is an American born writer, photographer, and artist. His books include "The All-Important, Well-Fed, Giant White Man" and "The Real Dad Rules." He is best known for his blog (and supporting Facebook page) "Single Dad Laughing," with 2 million followers as of 2018.