“No second date for you!” Say it in the voice of the Soup Nazi, cause that’s how it came out in my brain.
I asked the following question on my SDL Facebook Page: knowing that I might use it in a blog post, what is the most odd, funny, horrifying, or weird thing you’ve discovered about someone you were on a date with?
When I finally went through your responses, it created a really awesome post that led to enough new stories to create a couple more.
Enjoy, and be thankful if the worst date you’ve ever had is a guy who tips lousy.
- He stole a half-eaten platter from a neighboring table so that he wouldn’t have to spend
- money on his own food.
- Ended up she could out-drink an Irishman. I watched her puke on the pool table. I ended up having to fireman carry her out as she was taking swings and cussing at the bouncer.
- He revealed that he spoke fluent Elvish and that it is a huge turn on if you can both speak it to each other in bed.
- I went out with a guy last year who failed to mention until an hour after meeting that he had recently been released from a metal hospital, where he had been involuntarily committed due to his schizophrenia. He then told me that I was now his girlfriend and that I better not break his heart.
- His “teeth” were not actually his… falsies, uppers and lowers, and I would have been fine with that had he chosen to actually keep them in his mouth rather than in a napkin on the table as he proceeded to gum his way through a 10-ounce porterhouse medium rare… He really could not understand why I didn’t want a goodnight kiss from a guy whose teeth were now in his pocket.
- At the end of a bad first date (in which the first thing he asked was if I could pee off of my front porch), he dropped a $20 on the table and walked out. It didn’t even cover his meal.
- On a first date, the guy told me that he used to take care of his male dog’s personal needs.
- She talked incessantly throughout the previews and 15 min into the movie. I (and all the other movie goers) heard about her husbands death, her kids, her lesbian friends who hit on her constantly, and about the 3-some she’d had that previous weekend with a 23 and a 27 year-old pair of guys (she was 40-something).
- First Date. Very small, quiet Italian restaurant. Decides to tell me about the first time he had sex (in detail).
- A guy showed up on my doorstep, announcing he’d spent about a week online trying to figure out where I lived… it was difficult for him because I hadn’t given him much to go on but he did it and he was so impressed with me that he wanted to give me another chance even though I’d told him things wouldn’t work out between us, so he’d decided to pack up and move from Colorado to be with me.
- This is a true story. I went on a date to catch a guy cheating on my former co-worker, who happened to be engaged to him. Two days after I confronted him, he killed his ex-wife, and my former coworker was mad at me for interfering in her relationship.
- I once went on a date with a guy who told me he punched a girl. He assured me he was drunk & she was trying to take his drink from him, or he wouldn’t have. Yeah, that makes it ok.
- We never made it to the first date after he emailed me his measurements… ALL OF THEM. For some reason he wanted me to know the distance between his armpit and his elbow and then there is the all important elbow to wrist measurement!
- I had a wonderful time on our first date… until he asked me to fart on his face.
- One guy who told me he was a 300 year old vampire and asked if he could cut me to suck my blood. Oh, and don’t worry, he wouldn’t cut me any place that someone would be able to see even if I was in my bathing suit…
- We hiked up and sat on some boulders overlooking the city. He proceeded to tell me he was wearing an ankle bracelet and had to be back to the halfway house by 4pm to check in with his parole officer and that he had been living in the woods here some time ago, in an underground tent that he had hidden under some branches because he had been growing a quarter million dollars worth of pot plants. When the money didn’t come through on those he had to rob a bank, got caught, and was just released after 13 yrs in prison.
Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing
PS. Which was your favorite “experience?” And, knowing that I might use it in a blog post, what is the most odd, funny, horrifying, or weird thing you’ve discovered about someone you were on a date with?