On the Single Dad Laughing Facebook Page, I asked what was the funniest status update you’ve ever posted on your own Facebook wall. Your answers had me ROFLSHMFRSMJI (bonus points to whoever can guess what that means).

  • Remember when we were younger and all we wanted was to grow up? Boy, were we stupid or what?
  • Conversation with my 2 year old: Me: Daniel, get in bed and do not get up again. Daniel: (unzipping his pajamas) I have to get the duck out. Me: Ummmmm, okay. Daniel: (removing stuffed duck from pajamas) Here it is!
  • Just when I think my son is a little carbon copy if his father…that he inherited nothing from me…he trips over his own feet and slams into a wall and I say to myself…ah…there I am.
  • My complaint department was being manned by my new secretary, Helen Waite. So if you have any complaints, go to Helen Waite.
  • So I’m trying to fall asleep in this hotel at like 2 am. I can’t sleep because all I can hear is music coming through the wall. After like an hour I finally get up enough courage to bang on the wall. No luck. So I get up, walk over to the table, and call down to the front desk. I rant and rave about how I’m a diamond level guest and I at least deserve a quiet room. After I hang up the phone and start walking over to my bed, I notice a cord coming out from under the pillow. It’s my iPod…and it’s on.
  • I got mooned by a homeless woman on the train this morning. I really hope that wasn’t the high point of my day.
  • Spanx + a freshly-showered, damp body = the funniest thing no one will ever see.
  • Sooo…Jared and I thought we would try and be slick tonight. Since he is in Colorado, we decided to have him call and pretend he was the Easter Bunny. We downloaded an app that is supposed to change your voice so he had a high little “bunny” voice. Only it completely backfired..midway through the conversation the app malfunctioned and the voice changed to a deep darth vader like voice and totally scared the crap out of my kids. They were so scared I had to stay in their room with them while they tried to put the “scary voice” out of their minds. I couldn’t stop laughing. The things we do as parents…
  • Okay, I have something hard to say and some people may not like/agree with it but….Twizzlers are sooo much better then Red Vines! Phew, there, I said it.
  • Saw an ad encouraging the purchase of Spanx as an ideal Mother’s Day present. I feel the need to make a public warning… Unless specifically and explicitly asked to purchase Spanx for your mother, these should never be considered for even the smallest glimmer of moment as a Mother’s Day present. Seriously. This warning could save lives.
  • If you took every blood vessel in your body and stretched them out into one long line, it would be able to wrap around the Earth almost 2.5 times. Also, you would die.
  • Realized you should never compliment a woman on her mustache… no matter how magnificent it is.
  • Wasn’t asked the typical “What’s your greatest weakness” question during the job interview. Talk about disappointment…I have a feeling my planned response of breaking eye contact, becoming quiet and subdued for a moment while slowly leaning forward and saying in a hushed but serious tone “bacon.” would have been a game changer…
  • I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.

Oh my gosh, I just read them again. Too funny. Which were your favorites and what was the funniest Facebook status update you’ve ever posted?

Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing

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Dan Pearce is an American born writer, photographer, and artist. His books include "The All-Important, Well-Fed, Giant White Man" and "The Real Dad Rules." He is best known for his blog (and supporting Facebook page) "Single Dad Laughing," with 2 million followers as of 2018.