On the Single Dad Laughing Facebook wall, I posted the following: “knowing that I might use it in a blog post… in 40 words or less, what is the most traumatizing experience you’ve ever had with food?”

After combing through nearly 600 responses, I think it’s safe to say that I won’t have an appetite for a long time to come. Here are my 34 favorites.

  1. My husband who discovered far too late that the “crushed-up Fruit Loops” being hand-fed to him by our then-three-year-old daughter were actually handfuls of dirty sand from our hermit crab’s cage.
  2. A Band-Aid in my taco from taco bell.
  3. Food poisoning from McDonald’s that presented itself on an Amtrak train. You never want your face that close to a train toilet. I had to be removed from the train via ambulance and was brought to a hospital where the guy in the next bed was an inmate who had stabbed himself with a spork to get a little time away from prison.
  4. Eating raw broccoli as a child, just as I was going to take a bite, a big green worm crawled out right in front of my face.
  5. As a summer exchange student in Japan, my host mother had me unknowingly carry a LIVE crab home from the store. She rinsed it under the faucet, put it on a plate and said, “dinner!” They stabbed it on the table and started to eat.
  6. Cracked an egg. Found a half grown chick inside.
  7. I cut open a loaf of fresh bread and found a bird’s beak in the middle of the loaf. I want to know where the rest of the bird was.
  8. “My own cooking.” You can keep the other 37 words.
  9. I once was fed a taco in Mexico that turned out to contain poop.
  10. I was eating my salad at a well known seafood chain when I found a live caterpillar hiding under a lettuce leaf.
  11. When I was five, I found a bee in my Hardee’s milkshake. Actually sucked it up through the straw.
  12. A woman’s fingernail fell off into my salad and I ate it. The fingernail got stuck in my braces and i couldn’t get it out.
  13. I swallowed a piece of glass in my Mexican Pizza at Taco Bell and it got stuck in my throat.
  14. While in Panama, a lady who was trying to be helpful, cracked open a crab leg with her teeth and then took the meat out of her mouth and put it in my soup.
  15. My mother put Friskies in our clam chowder thinking they were pork scraps.
  16. I opened a sealed box of chocolate covered macadamia nuts only to discover that it was filled with worms.
  17. I found a hair in my salad, and when I pulled it out of my mouth it flossed the gunk out of my front teeth.
  18. Once I ate a opened snickers bar in the middle of the night and took a big bite. Next thing I felt was something crawling on my tongue. Ants!
  19. I opened a chocolate chip granola bar, took a bite, and looked down to see sugar beetles crawling out of it.
  20. One woman found a condom in her jar of spaghetti sauce.