“No second date for you!” Say it in the voice of the Soup Nazi, because that’s how it came out in my brain.

I asked the following question on my SDL Facebook Pageknowing that I might use it in a blog post, what is the most odd, funny, horrifying, or weird thing you’ve discovered about someone you were on a date with?

When I finally went through your responses, it created a really awesome post that led to enough new stories to create a couple more.

Enjoy, and be thankful if the worst date you’ve ever had is a guy who texted the whole time.

  1. I once had a guy take me to a gay bar on a first date and as soon as we got there he ditched me to take off with his male “friends” and I was left stranded alone.
  2. The guy who french kissed my dog was upset that I refused to kiss him.
  3. After offering a drunk girl a diet coke on our first date, she flipped out and started screaming at me. I got her in the car to take her home and she tried jumping out WHILE it was moving on a busy street. When I stopped, she ran out and started walking down the middle of the street. Keep in mind, she lives with her mother (who witnessed me picking her up, so if I let anything happen to her, I was the last person she had seen). Well, she hid near some bushes and perched like a cat and chanted, “I’m gonna kill you! I’m gonna gut you from head to toe!” At which point, she leapt at me like a spider-monkey and tried to drag me down with my collar (which she tore), then grabbed a large fallen branch and started chasing me with it. I ended up calling 911 so they could act as a buffer between us until I could finally get her mother to agree to pick her up.
  4. On a first coffee date, a woman told me she lives in a small apartment with 9 cats; she then nonchalantly mentioned that she has spent “some time” in the local mental institution.
  5. After our first date he confessed to his wife (that I didn’t know he had) that he was seeing me. She told him that she was okay with it but wanted to watch us have sex. She then contacted me to let me know he was telling the truth.
  6. I was asked out to a gig with a guitar player named Bob and he reserved a table for me close to the stage. I was feeling very special until all his other groupies showed up, obviously invited to sit at the same table, and began swapping their “weirdest place I have slept with Bob” stories.
  7. He announced during our date that he was going to custom-make a bondage hood for me.
  8. I showed up for a first date with a man. And his mother, who he brought along.
  9. On a first date, he brought a knapsack with a change of clothes and his toothbrush.
  10. He had such bad B.O., I could literally smell him from ten feet away.
  11. He told me he didn’t believe in tipping. That tipping just gives the server an excuse to not go out and get a real job.
  12. On a first date: “well, I can accept a woman with kids but only if she beats them. Kids need to get their asses kicked once in a while so they don’t get spoiled.”
  13. On a first date, he was insistent that we should go out sometime. Over dinner, he explained that he plans to recommit to Islam when he returns home. Then he explained that his father had multiple wives. “You mean, polygamy?” “Yes. But, you can’t do that here. People don’t even like it if you have more than one girlfriend!!”
  14. When he brought me home to drop me off and walked inside, he proceeded to stick his finger up my dog’s nose and started swatting at me with a couch pillow whenever I walked past his “personal space.”
  15. On a first date, he bought roses, a very love-filled card, and cried at the table because I was so beautiful and the perfect woman for him.
  16. Halfway through our first date (at a fairly nice restaurant) he announces to me that I better have a high sex drive because he expects to “get it” every night.
  17. A guy took me to the horse races for a second date. He pulled a giant bread knife out of his backpack, and then pulled a 12″ sub sandwich out of it.
  18. On a first date he told me his entire life story, including how his soon to be ex-wife was now a lesbian. He talked so much I finished my dinner before he even started his. The most I could get in the entire night was “mm hmm,” and “oh wow, that’s too bad.”

Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing

PS. Which was your favorite “experience?” And, knowing that I might use it in a blog post, what is the most odd, funny, horrifying, or weird thing you’ve discovered about someone you were on a date with?

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Dan Pearce is an American born writer, photographer, and artist. His books include "The All-Important, Well-Fed, Giant White Man" and "The Real Dad Rules." He is best known for his blog (and supporting Facebook page) "Single Dad Laughing," with 2 million followers as of 2018.