I’ve done too many lists this week. I felt like writing a narrative today. We’ll pick up the Truth Box next week.


I nearly died, I think. Or I nearly caused someone else to die.

It happened last week.

I’m pretty sure some force in the universe is working passive aggressively to kill me off. In the past year I’ve now had three near death experiences.

Or maybe some force in the universe is working vigorously to keep me alive since all three of those experiences came largely in part to sheer stupidity.

Have I set a dramatic enough tone for you?

Don’t worry, this story doesn’t end in bright tunnels of light, strange women coming to take me away, or trips to the E.R. as previous stories have. It simply ends with me, sitting in pain in my car, wondering what the hell is wrong with me.

Fifteen minutes earlier I had left to go pick up Noah from his other house. As I approached my car, I thought about running back inside to get a bottle of water. I was really parched. But I was also running behind, so I decided to suffer in my thirst for the next hour. Not that big a deal.

I don’t know why I was so dehydrated, but it got worse by the minute. It was going to be a long hour.

And then I saw it.

The head of a brand new, unopened bottle of water sticking out from underneath my jacket on the seat next to me.


Angels began singing.

The dismal clouds all went away.

Sun burst through the smog that is Utah right now.

The snow all melted.

Spring came early.

Flowers began sprouting.

And I anxiously reached over and grabbed the bottle of water from underneath my jacket.

My hand almost immediately froze to the bottle. I looked down and tried not to cry. The angels abandoned me in a hurry. The clouds all came back. The sun went away. And the smog went back to its cancer giving ways.

The water was frozen.

I had grabbed the water the night before and for some reason never opened it. And overnight, when the temperature dropped to ten below frozen dimples, that sucker had frozen.


Not all the way.


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Dan Pearce is an American born writer, photographer, and artist. His books include "The All-Important, Well-Fed, Giant White Man" and "The Real Dad Rules." He is best known for his blog (and supporting Facebook page) "Single Dad Laughing," with 2 million followers as of 2018.