This week has turned into a week of lists, haha. This is the second installment of my “Crummy Human Being” series. Be sure to check out the first one as well.

The world is full of awesomeness, and it’s also full of awesome, ummm, how do I put this… opportunities to be decent and better human beings.

Over the last couple years, I have been keeping a funny list with the intent to write a blog post about all the little rules for basic human decency I come across. Most of these are just observances of people and situations. A few are things I knew I could have done better. Anyways, I finally pulled the list up and realized it was *super* long (the count was 99) so I decided to share it 33 rules at a time so that your eyes don’t permanently glaze over.

My Second 33 Rules to Not be a Crummy Human Being

  1. Don’t automatically reply, “I know” every time someone points out you’re wrong. You just come off as insecure.
  2. Don’t ever accelerate to beat pedestrians. Especially parents walking with their kids. It’s not going to kill you to get where you’re going seven seconds later. But it might kill them.
  3. If you’re a guy, and all the urinals are in use, wait for one to come open. Don’t go pee all over the sit-down toilet because you’re too important to wait for another guy to zip up his pants.
  4. Smile at strangers when you make eye contact. Don’t hurry and look away. Somehow, somewhere along the way, we all started treating each other like we’re diseased.
  5. When you’re walking by a group of people awkwardly trying to take a photo of themselves, stop and offer to take it for them. Then tell them how damn sexy they all are when you’re done.
  6. When you’re out to dinner with your friends, insist that you pick up the tab once in a while. A free meal makes anyone feel special.
  7. When someone pays you a compliment, say thank you. Don’t immediately tell them why another part of you sucks. For example, “you are so fun to be around.” “Haha, you obviously don’t know the real me then.”
  8. When someone compliments something you’re wearing, say thank you. Don’t immediately tell them how you got such a good deal on it or how you wouldn’t usually wear something like that. You deserve nice things too.
  9. Hold the door open for people. And smile as they walk by.
  10. If you think someone is beautiful, tell them they are beautiful. It doesn’t mean you want to have sex with them.
  11. If you have three hundred coupons you want to run, warn the people behind you in the checkout line.
  12. When you’re at the bank, fill out your own deposit slip. Bank tellers don’t want to do it for you.
  13. Even if someone is ten or twenty seconds away, hold the elevator door for them. You’ll still get where you need to go.
  14. When you’re on the subway. Or bus. Or train. Or elevator. Let people off before you push your way on.
  15. When you pass a homeless person, try talking to them. They always have some wild stories to tell and they almost always love having someone to tell them to.
  16. When the group you’re with starts dancing, don’t stand on the sidelines. It makes everyone more self conscious. Just jump in and remember, somewhere some white guy like me is doing a lot worse than you and loving it.


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Dan Pearce is an American born writer, photographer, and artist. His books include "The All-Important, Well-Fed, Giant White Man" and "The Real Dad Rules." He is best known for his blog (and supporting Facebook page) "Single Dad Laughing," with 2 million followers as of 2018.