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Rice Pudding

I know I already put two posts up this morning, but this story needs to be told. Today. For one reason only.

The world needs to know how completely evil some people in my family are.

Yesterday morning, I woke up to just a generally super bad really crappy morning. Ironic, I know, since my post yesterday was about how I’m the freaking happiest person on earth right now.

It started with some idiot pulling into the parking lot outside my window at 6:15 AM and honking for two straight minutes trying to get some other idiot’s attention. They didn’t honk and hold it. They honked patterns and familiar tunes (shave and a haircut, for example). They attempted Morse code. And they would not stop. The longer it went on, the angrier I got until I jumped out of bed, heart racing, started pulling on sweat pants, and before I could walk out and remind them to be decent human beings (with my baseball bat to their fender) they stopped honking and drove away.

I sat down and looked at the clock. 6:18. I needed two more hours of sleep but going back to sleep was not an option. Adrenaline will do that to you. Thoughts of rampage will as well.

And since sleep wasn’t an option, I sat down at my computer while I waited for Noah to wake up (how he slept through the honking is beyond me) and got to work. And every part of my morning from then until 9 AM fell apart for me. Thing after thing after thing after thing kept going wrong or crappy. On top of all that, Noah woke up on the wrong side of the bed as well and we just didn’t like each other from 8-9:00 that morning.

At 9 AM I attempted to call my brother to make plans for the day. He’s in town from England so we are all getting as much crammed into the couple weeks that he’s here as we can. I won’t ever let on that it will be nice when he leaves so that I can get some work done. And I’m sure he won’t ever let on the same.

Anyway, he was still asleep. The weenie.

But my mom was up and chipper (she’s a morning gal) and she told me that she was making rice pudding and invited us over.

Cue heavenly choirs.

My mom’s rice pudding is the freaking best stuff on Earth. I’m pretty sure it has sugary angel tears mixed into it.

And when she said it, I knew… that was my reset button for the day. That was going to be my golden ticket to not having the crappiest day ever.

I hurried and got Noah ready, showered, grunted and moaned at three more things that went semi to seriously wrong, and finally loaded up to drive to Nana’s house (which, mind you, is 30 minutes away).

On the way there, my brother called me. “You’re on your way?”


“Do you and Noah want to go to the Dinosaur museum?”

The dinosaur museum was on the way. “DUDE! We just want some rice pudding! We’re driving there just to eat some rice pudding!” I wasn’t about to be thwarted with a side trip to some lame building full of mostly fake bones.

“Okay, chill, I meant later.”

“Fine, later would be fine. Right now I want rice pudding.”

Twenty minutes later I pulled into my mom’s driveway. Noah and I huffed our way inside, both of us far from chipper. We walked into the kitchen. Only my sister-in-law was there. I walked past her, barely acknowledging her presence, and looked around.

And there it was. My reset button. Over on the stove. A big silver pot covered with a silver lid. My ticket to a good day.

Continued on the next page.

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Dan Pearce is an American born writer, photographer, and artist. His books include "The All-Important, Well-Fed, Giant White Man" and "The Real Dad Rules." He is best known for his blog (and supporting Facebook page) "Single Dad Laughing," with 2 million followers as of 2018.