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Wow, you are a naughty one, aren’t you. If you made it to this page, I think we can start giggling like little barely-teens having a sleepover. If you came to this page and you are embarrassed about that and don’t want anyone to know, that’s okay, you can come giggle with us and we won’t tell anyone. If you’re on this page to see just what kind of crap you can chew my butt out for, hang that hat up and come giggle with us anyway.

The LESS Appropriate Ones:

  1. What do you call a mushroom with an 8 inch stem? A fungi!
  2. Why aren’t lepers invited to cocktail parties? Because everyone uses the back of their heads as dip.
  3. So the chicken and the egg are lying in bed together. The chicken leans back and lights a cigarette and says “well, that answers that question.”
  4. Ever been to a donkey roast? Everyone gets a piece of ass.
  5. Why do farts smell???… so deaf people can enjoy them, too.
  6. Why can’t witches have babies? Their husbands have hallow-weenies.
  7. What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? One’s a Goodyear… The other is a GREAT year!
  8. What do you call a leper in front of a fan? Confetti.
  9. Have you ever smelled mothballs? How did you get his little legs apart?
  10. What do you get when you cross a penis with a potato? A dictator. What do you get when you cross a penis, a potato and a boat? A dictatorship!
  11. What did the right boob say to left? If we keep hanging around down here, people will think we’re nuts!
  12. A man goes to the doctor and the doctor says to him, “I’m afraid you’re going to have to stop masturbating.” The man says, “What!? Why!?” The doctor replies, “Because I’m trying to examine you.”
  13. Little Johnny asked for a $200 bike for Xmas, his dad sat him down and explained that money was tight and he had a $500,000 mortgage to pay so there would be no bike this year. The next day Johnny headed out the door with packed bags. His dad asked “where are you going Johnny?” Johnny replied “I heard you saying to mom last night I’m pulling out, and she said wait I’m coming too. Like hell am I paying a $500,000 mortgage”…
  14. Why don’t witches wear panties? To get a better grip on the broom!
  15. A man in a nudist colony walks past an elephant, the elephant stops and says to him, very impressive, but can you pick up peanuts with it?
  16. Guy walks in to a bar…orders a shot of whiskey…guy sitting at the bar watches him drink the shot, pull out the napkin, climb the stairs to the top of the building, drop the napkin, jump and float to the ground. He walks back in to the bar and does the whole thing again. This time he orders the drink and the guy looking amazed and puzzled asks him how he’s doing it. So the guy says order a shot. So they do the shot. He says grab your napkin and follow me. The guy goes to the top of the building, drops his napkin, jumps and floats right down. He yells up for the guy to do the same…guy drops the napkin and jumps…splat! First guy walks back into the bar, orders another shot. Bartender looks at him and says;”Superman you’re an asshole when you drink!”
  17. There are two potatoes standing on a street corner: how do you tell which one’s the prostitute? The one with the sticker that says “I-DA-HO”
  18. What’d the elephant say to the naked man? How do you drink out of that thing?
  19. What did one 80 year old boob say to the other? If we don’t get it together, people are going to think we’re nuts!
  20. If Uncle Jack helped you off an elephant, would you help your uncle jack off an elephant?
  21. What did the slut’s right leg say to the left leg? Nothing. They’ve never met
  22. A crazy man walks into a psychiatrist’s office wearing nothing but saran wrap. The psychiatrist says to the man, “I can clearly see your nuts.”
  23. What did the egg say to the boiling water? It might take me more than 3 minutes to get hard, I just got laid this morning.
  24. How is the Enterprise like toilet paper? They both circle around Uranus looking for Klingons.
  25. Masochist: hit me! Sadist: No!
  26. What’s the difference between your job and your wife? Your job still sucks after six months.

Oh dear. I can’t believe I posted those ones.

Yes I can.

I just can’t believe you laughed.

Yes I can.


Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing

PS. What’s your favorite short joke ever? (Let’s keep the comments to the non-naughty ones.)

PPS. Don’t forget. This blog post has also been recorded as a podcast.

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Dan Pearce is an American born writer, photographer, and artist. His books include "The All-Important, Well-Fed, Giant White Man" and "The Real Dad Rules." He is best known for his blog (and supporting Facebook page) "Single Dad Laughing," with 2 million followers as of 2018.